Are we allowed to choose what WE want?

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ellen42

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I know that we are supposed to follow God’s plan for our lives and not try to impose our plan that will override God’s plan. However, is this always the case? Are there situations where we can do what we want, or we can determine that what we want and what God wants might just be the same thing?

I know this topic usually comes up in relation to family size, but I just had an interesting conversation with a friend who has had a slightly different experience, so I don’t want this to become yet another “… but I don’t wanna have another baby!” thread.

Said friend, let’s call her Anne, has wanted to work in the medical field all her life – I remember she wanted to be a brain surgeon when she was in kindergarten, but has reset her goal into being an RN. However, the journey hasn’t been easy, and post-secondary education has often been slowed for financial reasons. This has not deterred her and she is working full time while going to school, but this has understandably left her social life neglected. She knows what sacrifices she needs to make to achieve her goal and she’s willing to make them.

Enter Aunt Betty (not her real Aunt, but a close family friend). She’s very opinionated to say the least, and she has ideas (usually coming with a Biblical reference) about how everybody should live their lives and if you’re not following what she thinks God’s will is for you, then she’ll let you know. Recently, Betty set her sights on Anne. Specifically, Anne is in her mid 20’s, working hard, studying hard, but has no serious potential husbands waiting in the wings. Clearly, Anne’s desires to have a career are interfering with God’s plan for her to be married and have children – after all, being a wife and mother is the highest calling a woman can have (according to Betty). Betty has also focused on the fact that since nursing is what Anne wants to do, it cannot also be God’s Will at the same time – especially if it means sacrificing being a wife and mother.

I should also point out that Anne is not particularly bothered by Betty’s opinions. Betty says her piece, we smile and nod, and move on. Betty is also not trying to actively interfere with Anne’s life – there’s no conflict here that needs to be resolved.

To be perfectly honest, if Anne wanted to, I’m sure she could find a husband and start a family. In high school, I know there were many guys who were interested in her (as they often talked to me asking about her), but Anne was too naive or disinterested in the whole process to really pay any mind. She’s never really had a “serious” relationship. Of course, she doesn’t want to – she wants to become a nurse.

So Anne’s Will is that Anne should become a nurse. Betty thinks that God’s Will for Anne is that Anne should be a wife and mother and her ideas at becoming a nurse are interfering with God’s Will. However, Anne has determined that her interest and desire to help people as a nurse must also be a sign that God’s Will for her is for her to become a nurse as well, even if the pathway there isn’t a easy stroll.

Do you think that Anne’s Will and God’s Will might be the same?
 
This is only my opinion, but I do not think God dictates to us everything we do that is pleasing in His sight. So you may be wondering, if our offering is pleasing to Him, how can it not be His Will?

Let me explain. In the Old Testament, God demands of the Israelites sacrifices, but he usually gives them a choice in the matter, such as a choice of the sheep or the goats.

In like fashion, we are all called to holiness in virtue of our baptism, but we can choose from several occupations to do it. Now, some people are actually called to vocations in holy matrimony, holy orders, or the religious life.

Another way to look at it: we the Church are the army of the Lord. So, I feel this comparison is fair. In a nation’s army, there are several positions available. Each of them is important, but unless we are in a national emergency, in the U.S. soldiers are not drafted into particular positions. For example, a doctor who wishes to be a medical officer in the U.S. Army competes with other doctors and the government selects from the applicants. But the applicants have to put themselves forward first. (I use this example because I aspire to be a physician myself. But I know that God may not approve my “application”, if you will, to servethe Lord as such.)
 
Life is not a narrow path that God has laid out, watching for us to deviate. There are many valid paths to the end goal, which is sanctity and eternal life in Heaven. We get to choose how to get there. I think sometimes people get hung up on looking for “signs” that God wants them to do this or that. We are to make choices, weigh our options, and choose wisely using our faith as guidance. God does not sit up in Heaven going, “What do you MEAN you’re going to get a teaching credential! I wanted you to go to culinary school!!!”
 
She’s very opinionated to say the least, and she has ideas (usually coming with a Biblical reference) about how everybody should live their lives and if you’re not following what she thinks God’s will is for you, then she’ll let you know.
That is key - she is not following Aunt Betty’s will. Anne may very well be following God’s will for her life.
 
Perhaps Anne already knows that she is on God’s path for her (and has prayed about it and asked God for His direction, how do we know?) and Aunt Betty is expressing her opinion of what Anne should be doing. Sounds very ‘cookie cutter’ to me, get married, have a family. Nurses get married and have families after all. 😛

As for the question, are we allowed to choose what WE want. We can save a lot of time and heart ache if we sit and listen to God and do our very best to be in His will. In the long run, it will be the very best for us.
 
God puts desires in our hearts. We also have our own selfish desires. Doing what God wants means figuring out the difference between the two. Motherhood and being a nurse, or even a surgeon are not mutually exclusive. Certainly the simplest, and most commonly appropriate path for a mother is to be able to be at home with her children, but God does not ask all of us to take the simplest and most commonly appropriate path. St. Gianna was a mother and a doctor, for example. It could be that the man God wants Anne to marry is not going to come along for another 10 years - perhaps it is his will for Anne to touch someone’s life in a particular way as a nurse before then. Perhaps it is not God’s will for Anne to get married at all, but it is to serve him through her profession and in other ways. We are many parts in this one body. If Anne is taking her decisions to God in prayer, then she should do her best to ignore Aunt Betty, or kindly tell Aunt Betty to back off!

That said, it is my opinion that every young woman should take the question of “is it God’s will for me to get married?” to God in serious prayer. There are many cases of women who simply didn’t think about it, and then “realized too late” that they wanted very badly to get married and become a mother, but were no longer able due to the natural process of aging and the accompanying infertility. We only have a certain window of time that we are able to conceive children, and while some women easily get pregnant in their 40’s, after the late 20’s, a woman’s fertility begins to decline. There are plenty of women in their late 30’s who have trouble conceiving, and plenty even younger, who have other factors that pile on to the aging process making it more difficult. So if Anne has not put a lot of thought or prayer into the idea of marriage and motherhood yet, I would recommend that she do so. One can certainly make oneself available to meet potential spouses while in nursing school. It may be a matter of seeking both, or putting herself in situations in which she is not excluding that possibility. Even if the answer to deep thought and prayer is that marriage is not for her, it is not a question she should save until she is 30 (or later).

Ultimately, it comes down to being knowledgeable about your options and limitations, and then making thoughtful, prayerful decisions. Not worrying about what “Aunt None of Your Business” thinks.
 
So Anne’s Will is that Anne should become a nurse. Betty thinks that God’s Will for Anne is that Anne should be a wife and mother and her ideas at becoming a nurse are interfering with God’s Will. However, Anne has determined that her interest and desire to help people as a nurse must also be a sign that God’s Will for her is for her to become a nurse as well, even if the pathway there isn’t a easy stroll.

Do you think that Anne’s Will and God’s Will might be the same?
Yes. Not all people are called to marry at all, let alone by a specific age, and being a nurse is a noble thing. Anne would be the one who could best tell what God wills for Anne. The parable of the talents also comes to mind - we should use the gifts God gives us.

That said, it may be that there are many paths that Anne could take that would be perfectly acceptable to God. Being a nurse is a good thing. Therefore, it is allowed. There is no need for anyone besides Anne to go into it any deeper than that, except at Anne’s request.
 
Oh and by the way…
I know that we are supposed to follow God’s plan for our lives and not try to impose our plan that will override God’s plan. However, is this always the case? Are there situations where we can do what we want, or we can determine that what we want and what God wants might just be the same thing?
your last question nailed it. What we want may very well be what God wants, especially if we are in tune with his will in other areas of our lives, and if we are open to him. The reality is that while it is often spoken about as if our will is pitted against God’s will, doing God’s will is the thing that will bring the most happiness to us. Longing to help people in medicine all your life is not likely a selfish desire, but rooted, at least to some extent in God’s plan for you. Other people having babies is not evidence of what God wants for you. How do priests or nuns choose an order to join? Often there is something they LIKE about that order? How do single people choose spouses? There are things they LIKE about their significant others. So why wouldn’t God use our other healthy and appropriate likes and desires to guide us toward His Will for us?

But remember that - if your desire DOES happen to be different from what you know God wants from you, following God’s Will is without question, going to bring you more ultimate happiness than following your own. Isn’t that really what anyone would want?
 
Betty has also focused on the fact that since nursing is what Anne wants to do, it cannot also be God’s Will at the same time – especially if it means sacrificing being a wife and mother.
My thoughts on this claim is that if that were true then most people who get married obviously can’t be following God’s Will. The vast, vast, majority of people who get married do so, at least partially, because it is what they want to do. So if wanting to do something were opposed to doing God’s Will then when people get married, the vast majority of the time, they are going against God’s Will for them.
 
Aunt Betty is being “Aunt Busybody” IMO. Anne should continue to take her with a grain of salt, graciously thank her for her (name removed by moderator)ut, and continue just as she is doing. :twocents:
 
Whatever God’s will for your life is, THAT’S what you want. Trust me! We can’t plan a happy life because we don’t know what’s over the horizon. I’ve reached many places in my life where I realized that because I didn’t get what I want, I’m happier. Recognizing that fact while its happening to you is the hard part. 😉 Blessings!!!
 
Whatever God’s will for your life is, THAT’S what you want. Trust me! We can’t plan a happy life because we don’t know what’s over the horizon. I’ve reached many places in my life where I realized that because I didn’t get what I want, I’m happier. Recognizing that fact while its happening to you is the hard part. 😉 Blessings!!!
That is not to say that your will and God’s will cannot coincide! It’s great when they do!!
 
I don’t know about Anne, but I think it is God’s Will that Aunt Betty mind her own business: “*We hear that some are conducting themselves among you in a disorderly way, by not keeping busy but minding the business of others. Such people we instruct and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to work quietly and to eat their own *food.” 2 Thes. 3:11-12

If Aunt Betty whips her Bible out again, send her to St. Paul, who would tell her that an unmarried woman who does not feel on fire to marry should be left alone to serve the Lord alone: “If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.” 1 Cor. 7:28

Anne ought to spend regular time in prayer, but other than that I would let her find her own way when it comes to discerning God’s will for her life. If she needs guidance, God will help her to go look for it herself. I really doubt that God will be sending her to Aunt Betty.
 
Anne’s story could almost have been written about me. After my grandfather’s death when I was 16, and my father’s diagnosis with cancer (thankfully cured successfully!) 3 months later, I believed that God was calling me to become a nurse. I entered an RN program, just the way Anne has. After finishing my BN, I worked for 2 years in a remote rural community and then decided to enter graduate school. Today, I’m only a few months away from finishing an MN (Master’s of Nursing). Fortunately, although there was some light-hearted teasing and a little very gentle, respectful encouragement, I was never pressured to get married or have a family. My parents and family believed that I had to discern God’s will for me myself.

Having the personality I did, and living in a remote area, certainly didn’t greatly improve my chances for finding a husband. Admittedly, I was very lonely for a long time. However, God answered my prayers in my 2nd year of my undergraduate degree, and I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost 2 years now! The interesting thing is, when I applied for my graduate degree, there was really only one school that was an option for me, out of the three I was considering. The day I sent off my application, I had a feeling that this was “right” - that I was supposed to attend this school. I realize now that likely, I was following God’s plan because it turned out that my husband only lived an hour’s drive away! (We met online.) Today, I have a wonderful job teaching practical nursing at a college near where we live. We have made the decision that when we have children (soon, with God’s grace, would appreciate prayers in this regard!) I will go on maternity leave for a year, and then return to work and he will stay at home with the kids.

I didn’t get married, or even date seriously, until I met my husband when I was 25. Today, I am married to my soulmate. I am convinced that God created me with the intention that we would end up together, if we followed his will.

My husband and I believe that God has a plan for each one of us. Whether we choose to follow that plan or not is up to us. That said, if we DO follow the plan, it will be the surest and most direct route to heaven, and we will be the happiest on this earth. That is not to say that it is not possible to get to heaven another way, or that one will not be happy on a different path; just that the path God plans is the one that will be the easiest and the happiest.

I wish you and Anne all the best in you future endeavours.
 
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