Are we on a higher standard than God?

[Southern_Eagle]

Hi everyone -
I’ve been following these forums for a long time, but have never really found anything to add. There is a problem I have been struggling with for a long time, and I would like to hear ya’ll’s opinions.
I was going to type up some background information, but I don’t think it is really necessary to my question.
The question is, If you once loved someone (and still do to an extent) but they hurt you very badly and have indicated that neither do they want your forgiveness nor feel any remorse for what they did, how are we to forgive them?
Is it necessary to forgive those who don’t want it? Who don’t feel bad (i.e. they know they did something wrong but they don’t “care” and have indicated even that they are even glad they did it)?
I have gone through a similar situation and continue to struggle with it daily.
The question is: How are we to forgive those who are not contrite if God himself (ordinarily) will not do so.
God forgives us through the ordinary means of confession only if we are truly sorry. I know that we are instructed to love our enemies, but does love include forgiveness?
How can we forgive an un-contrite heart if even God cannot (or will not) do so? Are we held to a higher standard of forgiveness than God?
I would love to hear ya’ll’s opinion on these questions as I am dealing with a similar situation and struggle to make peace with it every day.
(P.S. Sorry for the long post:blush: And if this is the wrong forum for this question, I do apologize)

 

[bilop]

Hi everyone -
I’ve been following these forums for a long time, but have never really found anything to add. There is a problem I have been struggling with for a long time, and I would like to hear ya’ll’s opinions.
I was going to type up some background information, but I don’t think it is really necessary to my question.
The question is, If you once loved someone (and still do to an extent) but they hurt you very badly and have indicated that neither do they want your forgiveness nor feel any remorse for what they did, how are we to forgive them?
Is it necessary to forgive those who don’t want it? Who don’t feel bad (i.e. they know they did something wrong but they don’t “care” and have indicated even that they are even glad they did it)?
I have gone through a similar situation and continue to struggle with it daily.
The question is: How are we to forgive those who are not contrite if God himself (ordinarily) will not do so.
God forgives us through the ordinary means of confession only if we are truly sorry. I know that we are instructed to love our enemies, but does love include forgiveness?
How can we forgive an un-contrite heart if even God cannot (or will not) do so? Are we held to a higher standard of forgiveness than God?
I would love to hear ya’ll’s opinion on these questions as I am dealing with a similar situation and struggle to make peace with it every day.
(P.S. Sorry for the long post:blush: And if this is the wrong forum for this question, I do apologize)

I don’t believe we are required to forgive someone who is unrepentent.

It might be a good idea, for your own peace of mind, but you are not sinning by not forgiving. As you say you have to WANT to be forgiven.

Maybe you should just pray for them, that they realize their errors and repent.

God Bless

BTW, Welcome to CA!

 

[LilyM]

Hi everyone -
I’ve been following these forums for a long time, but have never really found anything to add. There is a problem I have been struggling with for a long time, and I would like to hear ya’ll’s opinions.
I was going to type up some background information, but I don’t think it is really necessary to my question.
The question is, If you once loved someone (and still do to an extent) but they hurt you very badly and have indicated that neither do they want your forgiveness nor feel any remorse for what they did, how are we to forgive them?
Is it necessary to forgive those who don’t want it? Who don’t feel bad (i.e. they know they did something wrong but they don’t “care” and have indicated even that they are even glad they did it)?
I have gone through a similar situation and continue to struggle with it daily.
The question is: How are we to forgive those who are not contrite if God himself (ordinarily) will not do so.
God forgives us through the ordinary means of confession only if we are truly sorry. I know that we are instructed to love our enemies, but does love include forgiveness?
How can we forgive an un-contrite heart if even God cannot (or will not) do so? Are we held to a higher standard of forgiveness than God?
I would love to hear ya’ll’s opinion on these questions as I am dealing with a similar situation and struggle to make peace with it every day.
(P.S. Sorry for the long post:blush: And if this is the wrong forum for this question, I do apologize)

Well, I think forgiveness, to fit that definition, necessarily involves two people - the one who’s been wronged and the one who does the wrong, and the wrongdoer must apologise before the victim can be truly said to extend forgiveness.

What you’re talking about is more along the lines of Jesus’ command to ‘love your enemies’. He defines what this means - not forgetting what they’ve done or acting as if they’ve done nothing, but instead DOING good to them in return and PRAYING for them and so on in spite of what they’ve done. God does do a power of good even to sinners - sustains our lives and livelihoods etc. That is what we must emulate.

 

[Southern_Eagle]

I don’t believe we are required to forgive someone who is unrepentent.

It might be a good idea, for your own peace of mind, but you are not sinning by not forgiving. As you say you have to WANT to be forgiven.

Maybe you should just pray for them, that they realize their errors and repent.

Well, I think forgiveness, to fit that definition, necessarily involves two people - the one who’s been wronged and the one who does the wrong, and the wrongdoer must apologise before the victim can be truly said to extend forgiveness.

What you’re talking about is more along the lines of Jesus’ command to ‘love your enemies’. He defines what this means - not forgetting what they’ve done or acting as if they’ve done nothing, but instead DOING good to them in return and PRAYING for them and so on in spite of what they’ve done. God does do a power of good even to sinners - sustains our lives and livelihoods etc. That is what we must emulate.

Thank you bilop and LilyM!
Sometimes the answer is so simple I miss it completely…
Both of you have brought me comfort. I will try to push my pride aside and continue to pray for peace.
God Bless!

God Bless

BTW, Welcome to CA!

Thanks bilop! I love these forums!

 

[puzzleannie]

The question is, If you once loved someone (and still do to an extent) but they hurt you very badly and have indicated that neither do they want your forgiveness nor feel any remorse for what they did, how are we to forgive them?
Is it necessary to forgive those who don’t want it? Who don’t feel bad (i.e. they know they did something wrong but they don’t “care” and have indicated even that they are even glad they did it)?)

God forgives us unilaterally as soon as we commit the act. He does not however absolve us, nor can our relationship with him be restored, unless and until we express contrition when his forgiveness is reciprocated and reconciliation ensues.

in reference to you or I and how we are to forgive others, our forgiveness has nothing to do with the feelings of the person who has wronged us, it has to do with our own attitude and inner disposition. Forgiveness is a unilateral act on our part in which we refuse to be mastered by anger and resentment (justified or not) against the person who has wronged us. It does not depend on their reaction, their request for forgiveness, their disposition, it depends entirely on us. Reconciliation, the restoration of the relationship is another story, and depends on actions of both parties, and remedy of the wrong that has been done, but that is not the same as forgiveness.

in forgiving the other person, it is not even necessary to inform them you have done so, or even to attempt communication if you prudently decide that is inadvisible.

 

[Southern_Eagle]

God forgives us unilaterally as soon as we commit the act. He does not however absolve us, nor can our relationship with him be restored, unless and until we express contrition when his forgiveness is reciprocated and reconciliation ensues.

in reference to you or I and how we are to forgive others, our forgiveness has nothing to do with the feelings of the person who has wronged us, it has to do with our own attitude and inner disposition. Forgiveness is a unilateral act on our part in which we refuse to be mastered by anger and resentment (justified or not) against the person who has wronged us. It does not depend on their reaction, their request for forgiveness, their disposition, it depends entirely on us. Reconciliation, the restoration of the relationship is another story, and depends on actions of both parties, and remedy of the wrong that has been done, but that is not the same as forgiveness.

in forgiving the other person, it is not even necessary to inform them you have done so, or even to attempt communication if you prudently decide that is inadvisible.

Very well put puzzleannie!
Thank you so much for your (name removed by moderator)ut and God Bless!

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

Hi everyone -
I’ve been following these forums for a long time, but have never really found anything to add. There is a problem I have been struggling with for a long time, and I would like to hear ya’ll’s opinions.
I was going to type up some background information, but I don’t think it is really necessary to my question.
The question is, If you once loved someone (and still do to an extent) but they hurt you very badly and have indicated that neither do they want your forgiveness nor feel any remorse for what they did, how are we to forgive them?
Is it necessary to forgive those who don’t want it? Who don’t feel bad (i.e. they know they did something wrong but they don’t “care” and have indicated even that they are even glad they did it)?
I have gone through a similar situation and continue to struggle with it daily.
The question is: How are we to forgive those who are not contrite if God himself (ordinarily) will not do so.
God forgives us through the ordinary means of confession only if we are truly sorry. I know that we are instructed to love our enemies, but does love include forgiveness?
How can we forgive an un-contrite heart if even God cannot (or will not) do so? Are we held to a higher standard of forgiveness than God?
I would love to hear ya’ll’s opinion on these questions as I am dealing with a similar situation and struggle to make peace with it every day.
(P.S. Sorry for the long post:blush: And if this is the wrong forum for this question, I do apologize)

Hello there.

I will avoid the title of the thread because it’s really a bit of a misnomer in my opinion. The heart of the issue is your situation of someone who has wronged you and you may feel bitter because they didn’t repent of it.

I’ve had a similar situation in which a person wronged me and I was upset about it. But one day I resolved to release the issue. I wrote a “letter to God” in which I forgave the person and turned the person and the situation over to God to judge. The person never admitted wrongdoing and to this day we’ve not spoken again.

But at least my heart is clean, regardless of the man’s condition with God. Forgiveness is hard, especially when the person has no regrets and no repentance. But, in reality, that’s between them and God to work out.

I hope that helps.

Peace…

MW