Are we owed forgiveness?

[Marinakeer]

Hello everyone, I am new to the forums and I joined because I have a question about forgiveness. Obviously as Christians it is necessary that we forgive people for their wrongdoings because that is what God did for us. But when we do something wrong to others, do they “owe” us forgiveness? I personally think that when we apologize to someone, we should do it with the expectation that we will not be forgiven, because it should come from a place of genuine sorrow and regret. But when we apologize to someone, are they morally wrong if they don’t forgive us (even though forgiveness would be the morally better option)?

 

[MNathaniel]

I think by definition, forgiveness is never ‘owed’ to the person forgiven.

Now, given that Jesus told us that if we don’t forgive others, our Judge won’t forgive us… a Christian needs to take that into account. We must always remember that as helpless supplicants of mercy ourselves, we cannot deny mercy to others without incurring heavenly wrath.

That said, if I’m the one seeking ‘forgiveness’ from another, I’m still the supplicant seeking forgiveness from them… I’m not their judge.

And I think we should always be careful not to presume too much upon another, or think we can demand that ‘forgiveness’ look a certain way. E.g. if I hurt or betray someone, they might forgive me… but they might remember the broken trust and take rational precautions to protect themselves and others from further harm. I can’t go around claiming they should treat me as if I hadn’t proven myself untrustworthy to them. This applies to cases of abuse for example. A battered Christian wife doesn’t need to return herself and her children to an abusive home as part of ‘forgiving’ her abuser.

Does this get at your question?

 

[fhansen]

I would agree with the other posters except to say that man is obligated to love in the manner that God loves even as we need His grace in order to achieve it, and love, by its nature, dictates that we forgive. In that sense man is obligated to forgive each other.

 

[TK421]

Hello everyone, I am new to the forums and I joined because I have a question about forgiveness. Obviously as Christians it is necessary that we forgive people for their wrongdoings because that is what God did for us. But when we do something wrong to others, do they “owe” us forgiveness? I personally think that when we apologize to someone, we should do it with the expectation that we will not be forgiven, because it should come from a place of genuine sorrow and regret. But when we apologize to someone, are they morally wrong if they don’t forgive us (even though forgiveness would be the morally better option)?

In asking for forgiveness, we should pray and hope that they will forgive, because this is primarily for their good rather than for our own good. Refusing forgiveness generally causes more pain than the offense itself, so a person who is wronged and then doesn’t forgive is hurt twice. Once by another person and a second time by themselves.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

I may be straying slightly off topic, but it seems like the Bible imposes obligations more than it confers rights?

 

[Vico]

… are they morally wrong if they don’t forgive us (even though forgiveness would be the morally better option)?

Not necessarily. Forgiveness offered is not the same as forgiveness given. If an offender does not acknowledge the offense, then the offender does not understand what it means to be forgiven. The forgiveness of the Holy Trinity is conditional upon the sorrow and repentance of the sinner.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

We are not supposed to concern ourselves with the moral wrongs of others, or how they respond to us doing something that God tells us to do. If I give food to a hungry person and the person, instead of being grateful, cusses me out and acts angry and ungrateful, I’m still supposed to give the hungry person the food. They don’t owe me a thank you. In the same way, no one owes us forgiveness.

We also are expected to follow God’s teachings without expecting to get something in return from others. Forgiveness is not a tit-for-tat exchange.

When we apologize to someone else, it is nice if they are responsive, but God expects us to apologize (and to be forgiving ourselves) whether the other person is receptive or not. The other person is not obligated to us in any way. They are of course obligated to God, but that’s between them and God, it’s not our business.

There are also a lot of reasons why someone else might not be ready to forgive, such as they were very deeply hurt and traumatized and just can’t handle that. Or they may forgive you in their heart but they still don’t want anything to do with you ever again, which is usually okay assuming it’s not some relationship where you depend on them for care (example, you’re a minor child and the other person is your parent who must look after you till you’re an adult).

 

[Pattylt]

I agree, no one is owed forgiveness but we can certainly hope for it.

 

[BornInMarch]

But when we do something wrong to others, do they “owe” us forgiveness?

No. Whether from God or from Man, forgiveness is a gift and thus by nature can not be owed or expected. In the former case God makes it clear we do not deserve to be forgiven, and that the only reason He forgives us our sins is because of His love for us.

 

[JanR]

Nobody is owed forgiveness, although fair-minded people will recognize that we all make mistakes and do wrong things, including themselves, so forgiving is the right thing to do.

Here is the thing about apologies:

A sincere, heartfelt apology has no strings attached. No conditions. It’s unconditional. Whenever I hear, “I’m sorry, but …”, that is an apology accompanied by an attempt to justify the wrong being apologized for, as in, “I’m sorry, but you had that coming”, etc.

A true apology is never followed by “but”, or by any other qualification. If one is truly sorry, one is completely sorry.