Aridity in prayer

[writer_1018]

I’m hoping a few of the 1,000+ Catholics on this site can help me… I’m a teenager who just got back from an AWESOME retreat experiance on Sunday. Now, here it is a week later and dryness is already starting to creep up on me. I suppose it’s dryness and lethargy combined. Does anybody have any advice besides “keep praying”?

 

[csteele]

I used to be involved with the Search for Christian Maturity weekends (weekend retreats for teens and young college-types) in our diocese, and after every weekend I’d be fired up for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but ultimately my zeel would fade and I’d be prayer-less again in the end. In retrospect, I think I know what I was doing wrong, let me share…

First of all, I was trying TOO HARD. I wanted to run before I could walk. I thought I could pray twenty times a day when previously I hadn’t prayed twice a day. It doesn’t – generally – work that way: you have to start small and gradually add to it.

Next, I was expecting TOO MUCH. At these retreat weekends, I was experiencing God in concentrate form, He was there and He was talking to ME. I expected to go home and, in my un-guided prayer-life, experience God in the same way. It doesn’t quite work that way. Though God speaks to me, daily, in my prayer life now, it is seldom in the tear-jerking full-body experiences I had while on retreat.

Lastly, I was generally praying incorrectly. One thing I’ve learned is that when I pray my own intentions, selfishly, it not only does no good but in fact causes harm in my prayer-life. I’ve taken to praying mostly for other people in my prayers – I pray three offices of the Liturgy of the Hours, daily, as well as the Jesus Prayer for various intentions throughout the day. The Liturgy of the Hours (LOTH) is the prayer of the church, for the intentions of the Church and the people of the Church. The Jesus prayer, when prayed for others, is equally altruistic.

So, that’s what I learned, but here’s how I’d recommend proceeding…

1. start praying, GRADUALLY. For instance, commit first to pray before you eat. Say the Our Father every time you saunter up to a plate. Afer a few days of success with that, or if you already have that down, add prayers before bed. Then add waking prayer. Then, try to say the Rosary three times a week. …Just keep adding prayers GRADUALLY. Only add new prayers after you’re comfortable with the prayer routine you’re in. Careful not to get stuck in a rut. The Catechism also has an excellent section on prayer, if you’re interested, see here: usccb.org/catechism/text/partfour.htm)
2. start reading the Bible, again, gradually. Start with comitting to read the Mass readings BEFORE Sunday Mass. Then, try to read the Mass readings of the day three times a week. Work your way up to every day – maybe buy a copy of the Missal to help. If you’ve got no problem with the Mass readings, maybe read the whole chapter that the readings come from, etc. Be creative.
3. learn more about the Church. I’ve discovered that as I learn more about the reason behind the Chruch’s mandates, I’ve been much more intent on following them. The Catechism is an excellent resource for this. Apply the same pattern as before: read a chapter once a week, then gradually increase.
4. make use of the sacraments – they are GREAT GRACES available to you. The Eucharist, Reconciliation, etc., all will help you in your search.
5. you might also seek the guidance of a spiritual advisor. Your diocese (call the Chancellor’s office) should have more information on that if you aren’t comfortable with your parish priest. A spiritual advisor will (or at least, should) help keep you on task.

…unfortunately, here’s where I tell you, “just keep praying,” because that’s what you have to do. Ultimately, your discipline in prayer will prevail and the humility with which you approach this divine task will enlighten you in ways you won’t understand.

Best of luck. I’ll pray for you.

pax,
Corey

 

[montanaman]

Yeah, that’s the funny thing about Christianity. We can be buddies with the Creator of the universe, be heirs to a divine kingdom, and in some instances, witness very real life-changing miracles, but we still have to tie our shoes and make sure we have enough toilet paper stocked up in the bathroom. The human experience–go fig.

I had a buddy at Franciscan U. who said the “spiritual bon-bons are nice, but they’re only a bonus.” The idea that we should be walking around in an electrified air of grace and constant communication with God is false. It just doesn’t work that way. Sometimes, even in prayer, we wonder if we’re just talking to the wall. That’s normal. When you start feeling frustrated about that, just say, “Hey, I know you’re there, but you know how we work–you feel distant to me right now.”

Then shut up. I’ve found that aridity is best combatted by silence. No amount of Hail Maries and Our Fathers is going to force God to give you the “feelings” you seek. Silence, however, and LISTENING, will work best.

I know what you’re going through. I hope that helps.

MM

 

[baltobetsy]

Writer, I have just a couple of thoughts to add to the excellent advice you’ve already received from csteele and montanaman.

The first is that dryness in prayer is sometimes a real compliment from God - He’s telling you that you’re mature enough to carry on your life without what are called “consolations,” or “bonbons,” as montanaman called them.

We just had the Feast of the Transfiguration. Remember how Peter (bless his dumb little heart!) wanted to build three booths and stay on the mountain with Jesus (glorified), Moses and Elijah? Jesus nixed that idea real fast. We learn from this that mountaintop experiences are not meant to be part of our everyday life. It’s always hard to come back from a retreat and keep your resolutions and live your ordinary life. But you just have to (sorry) keep praying!

Now, to feed your prayer, a very good thing is spiritual reading. Spend just 15 minutes a day with a good spiritual book, and another few minutes with Holy Scripture. How to choose the book? I’d say, pray to the Holy Spirit and go to the shopping area of this site (www.catholic.com) and see what appeals to you and what you are led to. The books for sale here are all good and reliable (you can’t say that about every “Catholic” book, sadly). Another good resource is the Catholic Lifetime Reading Plan . It’s a list of 100 books which you may order from the website that publishes it, the Catholic Information Center of Washington, DC. These are also very, very good and very reliable. See what the Holy Spirit leads you to read!

Also, Eucharistic Adoration is a great way to stay in touch with God. See if you can find an adoration chapel in your diocese.

Well, it was more than a couple of thoughts, wasn’t it? Hope you find something useful. God bless you!

Betsy

 

[heliumspark]

St. Therese of Lisieux experienced long periods of dryness, for which she was very thankful. She said that it is easy to love Jesus when He’s awake, but he needs people to love Him when He’s sleeping, too.

She had a brilliant way of putting things simply.

Though Jesus doesn’t really ‘sleep’, I see it like this: We love Jesus because of how wonderful He is. But, as He says himself, there is no merit in loving only those who love you.

Through dryness, he gives us a chance to love Him unconditionally, with no thought of reward, and without feeling as though we were loved back (although He always loves us back).

In the same way, He gives us this opportunity in other people. When we love someone who is ‘unlovable’ , we are showing Jesus unconditional love, something we would otherwise never have the chance to do. So dryness is a great gift, in the same way ‘unlovable’ people are a great gift, because it gives us a chance to try and love as Jesus loves us- unconditionally, unreservedly, and unceasingly!

 

[Debbie]

Read the book “Opening to God” by Thomas H. Green SJ. It gave me great perspective in my prayer life. Fr. Green has written a few in a series. I am now on his second.

*“Prayer is essentially a dialogic encounter between God and man; and since God is Lord, he alone can initiate the encounter.” *

We need to make ourselves available for God to initiate the encounter when **He ** chooses. More quiet time, less TV, less radio, more Holy Hours.

Also, keep in mind that spiritual consolations are more the exception rather than the rule. With too many, we wouldn’t have need for faith.

Keep the faith!

God bless,

Debbie

 

[T.A.Stobie_SFO]

csteele:

… First of all, I was trying TOO HARD. … Next, I was expecting TOO MUCH. …Lastly, I was generally praying incorrectly. … So, that’s what I learned, but here’s how I’d recommend proceeding… 1) start praying, GRADUALLY. …2) start reading the Bible, again, gradually. …3) learn more about the Church. …4) make use of the sacraments – they are GREAT GRACES available to you…5) you might also seek the guidance of a spiritual advisor. … pax, Corey

Excellent advice.

Retreats can be summits in our spiritual journeys and can be really good experiences, but we need to transform our lives into a constant retreat where we turn from the World and turn to God in all things. The “High” you got from the retreat was your soul saying “YES” I want to learn to live this way always, and when you find that it does not work that way, there is a let down.

Build regular spiritual highs into your day, Daily Mass, the sacraments, and frequent prayer.

 

[wren]

Thank you Writer_1018 for your great question and Baltobetsy for your great reply. I’m learning so much. I’m new here so sorry for any mistakes I might make. I’ve been a catholic for seven years approximately, but still have some lingering protestant beliefs ingrained in me that I have mixed feelings about.

About the dryness in prayer: I need some wisdom from Baltobetsy. I have some protestant prayer friends who do much praising (to worship music), and I did a lot of that during my difficult returning college student years, and it helped. One of them even says you cannot reach the level of too much of the praise thing. Up until I read Baltobetsy’s reply I was going to suggest to Writer_1018 to try some worship and praise (which I think can be good to a certain extent) but now I’m not so sure. What do you think? Please excuse me if I’ve overstepped my bounds. I’m still “learning the ropes.”

 

[asquared]

cannot improve on the advice above, but I can tell you that as you get older, aridity is the normal spiritual condition. there is also a difference between liturgy, our communal worship and celebration of the sacrifice of the Mass, other communal praise and worship which can sometimes be ecumenical where vocal and musical participation are required, and private prayer. difference demeanor, prayer forms, postures, habits of mind and receptivities are appropriate for each of these prayer situations.

 

[baltobetsy]

wren:

About the dryness in prayer: I need some wisdom from Baltobetsy. I have some protestant prayer friends who do much praising (to worship music), and I did a lot of that during my difficult returning college student years, and it helped. One of them even says you cannot reach the level of too much of the praise thing. Up until I read Baltobetsy’s reply I was going to suggest to Writer_1018 to try some worship and praise (which I think can be good to a certain extent) but now I’m not so sure. What do you think? Please excuse me if I’ve overstepped my bounds. I’m still “learning the ropes.”

Wren, don’t worry about asking a sincere question!

Praising and using uplifting music are very good things, but your emotions are only a small part of the prayer equation. Go back a bit and reread Debbie’s post - there’s a lot of wisdom there, especially the part about consolations being the exception, and with too many, we’d hardly need faith.

Don’t measure your love for God (or anyone else, really) by how you feel. Measure it instead by how much you are willing to give of yourself for God and for the others. By how much you are willing to say, “not my will but Thine be done.” A “spiritual high” is nothing more than selfishness if it doesn’t lead to concrete resolutions to live the way God wants us to.

On the other hand, God gave us emotions, and wants us to use them as a path to Him. So, in the right context and in the proper proportion, some praise and music can be very helpful. Recapturing the good feelings can lead to generosity, and that’s good.

Prayer can be very hard work, but God rewards it with things much more substantial than emotions.

Hope some of this was helpful to you. I was honored that you asked.

Betsy

 

[Meggie]

find a youth group!!! Fellowship is vital to the growing soul…even hermits needed to have fellowship to grow in faith.

Find a person you can trust with spiritual questions, also, perhaps not a spiritual director immedatly but a person who is inline with the churches’ teaching that you can trust

 

[wren]

Thank you Betsy for your reply. You are right Praise is good in proper proportion. Anything can be taken to an extreme. I was thinking some more about my last post. I should have added one essential thing in relation to God. “It is right to give Him thanks and praise.” He is the Almighty, our Strength, our Comforter, our Light, and our Father. Because God is perfect he is deserving of much worship and adoration.

There are many reasons to praise the Lord. To enthrone God and acknowledge His greatness (Psalm 95:1-5) To increase our awareness of God’s presence (Psalm 103) To have the joy of the Lord (Psalm 30) To dissipate doubt and increase faith (Psalm 27) To be under His covering of safety and protection (Psalm 95: 6-7) To possess all God has promised for us. (Psalm 147) I could go on but I will stop here. You put a lot of thought into your posts, Betsy. Thanks. I will be alert to your future posts.

 

[baltobetsy]

wren:

“It is right to give Him thanks and praise.” He is the Almighty, our Strength, our Comforter, our Light, and our Father. Because God is perfect he is deserving of much worship and adoration.

Absolutely, Wren! Are you familiar with the ACTS formula for your personal prayer? The letters stand for Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving and Supplication. The very first thing is adoration, or praise! And it’s the first petition of the Lord’s Prayer, too - “Hallowed be Thy Name.” The point of praise is that it be with purity of intention - praising God for His own sake and not for ourselves. If we engage in praise to make ourselves feel good, we’ve missed the point. I’m sure you already knew that, but it’s good to articulate it once in a while.

Thank you for your encouragement, Wren. I appreciate your kindness.

Betsy