Arranging Funeral Service from Distance

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El_PAso

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Hi,

My mother passed away a couple weeks ago. She lived a good 94+ year Catholic life! I have been tasked with arranging a grave site funeral service. Of course it will be Catholic.

Problem is I am in Arizona and she will be interred at Arlington Nat’l in VA. I know no one there, have no contact with a parish etc.

What is the protocol for arranging a service from 2000 miles away and not knowing anyone locally?

Through circumstances beyond my control there was no local service for her. She passed in CA under the care of my sister who is not a practicing Catholic (although she saw to the anointing of the sick sacrament!) So there has been NO service of any kind!

Dealing with Arlington is red tape and she won’t be put to rest till June 22 so I have over a month.

I have never done this and not sure of the process, do you pay/donate to parish? Can I call any parish and request? Is there a set Catholic graveside service? Rest of family leaning towards one of those everyone shares a memory sort of thing.

Any resources for planning such?

Thanks,

EP
 
I’ve never had to deal with this myself, but I find it hard to believe that the cemetery doesn’t have a contact for you. If the first person you spoke to can’t help you, it might be worth calling back to get someone else. I mean, wouldn’t a military cemetery with a month long internment waiting list have some sort of chaplain on staff? After that, my next guess would be to contact the diocese of Arlington, VA and see what they say. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s an easier path once you find the right person to talk to. SHe can’t be the first Catholic to be buried there!
 
El_PAso said:
I have never done this and not sure of the process, do you pay/donate to parish? Can I call any parish and request? Is there a set Catholic graveside service? Rest of family leaning towards one of those everyone shares a memory sort of thing.

Any resources for planning such?

Thanks,

EP
Click to expand...
“Is there a donation …”

Yes - prepare yourself for sticker shock
  • burying a loved one is the third most expensive thing you’ll do in this life after buying a house and getting married. Perhaps fourth, depending on what you paid for your car.
My Dad’s funeral - cremation, simple plastic container, and free use of a community hall, ran us nearly 10,000.00. I would expect an Arlington funeral to run considerably more than that.
 
I would start at your own parish just to understand the steps. Someone at the parish office has had to do this before or know the right people to call.

Ask, and you will get help. If not at the parish, call you diocese for the proper steps, and contacts. You may want to ask a Funeral director at some point. They don’t have to have a ‘funeral service’ but they also know about transporting remains, internment and other services and laws involved.

You may still be able to have a funeral mass for her. When we were in NYC over Thanksgiving my daughter and I were at St. Patricks Cathedral, looking for Blessed Pierre Toussaint. Instead we were at a funeral mass for two polish soldiers from WWII who were going to be returned to their homeland. They died in the 1930s or 1940s I believe.

St. Monica was a wealthy woman during a time where funerals were big events. She was ‘due’ a big event. Instead the only thing she asked of her son was, *** “Bury my body wherever you will, do not be concerned about that. One thing only I ask you (Augustine), that you remember me at the altar of the Lord.” ***

If your mom already has a plot at Arlington, she needs to go there, and there are people on staff who should be helpful.

There are people who do this day in and out and can get you started in the right direction.

I forgot to add this: there are plenty of books on caring for your own dead. I saw a whole episode on "Adam Ruins Everything’ and there is a movement to counteract the ‘industry’. Here is one book that might help: amazon.com/Caring-Your-Dead-Lisa-Carlson/dp/0942679016
 
jmcrae said:
“Is there a donation …”

Yes - prepare yourself for sticker shock
  • burying a loved one is the third most expensive thing you’ll do in this life after buying a house and getting married. Perhaps fourth, depending on what you paid for your car.
My Dad’s funeral - cremation, simple plastic container, and free use of a community hall, ran us nearly 10,000.00. I would expect an Arlington funeral to run considerably more than that.
Click to expand...
There is no charge to be buried at Arlington.

Other ancillary fees have been covered.

Thanks,

EP
 
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