Arrogance in RCIA

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seeker63

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I was one of those obnoxious little kids in school who always shot his hand up and always had the right answer when no one else did. This made me very arrogant and made the other kids hate me.

Now I fear I may be doing almost the same thing in RCIA.

I love RCIA. It’s a blast, and I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time. I’ve been reading up on Catholic theology for years and have been reading up on it intensively the last few months.

But tonight, in my main class and in my smaller group, I found myself answering about 80% of the questions. Generally I’d wait for others to answer first, but mostly they didn’t know or were too shy to talk. I even had to keep myself from indulging in the use of highfallutin theological terms like “hypostatic union” and “soteriology,” because I was afraid that’d make me seem obnoxious.

My group and class leaders seemed pleased that somebody was into it, but I couldn’t help but think that part of me was enjoying showing off. Afterwards I prayed that I would not be overcome by arrogance. But I’m still very bothered by this. I love participating and answering the questions, and many times I was afraid if I didn’t answer no one would, but I do fear the good I’m doing my soul by going through RCIA is countered by the arrogance.

Any ideas what I should do? Am I worrying too much?
 
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seeker63:
I was one of those obnoxious little kids in school who always shot his hand up and always had the right answer when no one else did. This made me very arrogant and made the other kids hate me.

Now I fear I may be doing almost the same thing in RCIA.

I love RCIA. It’s a blast, and I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time. I’ve been reading up on Catholic theology for years and have been reading up on it intensively the last few months.

But tonight, in my main class and in my smaller group, I found myself answering about 80% of the questions. Generally I’d wait for others to answer first, but mostly they didn’t know or were too shy to talk. I even had to keep myself from indulging in the use of highfallutin theological terms like “hypostatic union” and “soteriology,” because I was afraid that’d make me seem obnoxious.

My group and class leaders seemed pleased that somebody was into it, but I couldn’t help but think that part of me was enjoying showing off. Afterwards I prayed that I would not be overcome by arrogance. But I’m still very bothered by this. I love participating and answering the questions, and many times I was afraid if I didn’t answer no one would, but I do fear the good I’m doing my soul by going through RCIA is countered by the arrogance.

Any ideas what I should do? Am I worrying too much?
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Dearest Seeker

Congratulations on your RCIA class!! You sound like you have alot of knowledge and what spurred you to find and remember that knowledge was a love of God, He effectively drew your spirit to His … ‘No-one can come to the Lord unless the Father draw him’ . Now you are doing two goods, firstly you are searching for the Lord and attending RCIA in the real and splendid hope of joining the Catholic Faith, secondly all this knowledge you have is now being shared with others. As long as we share what we know in the spirit of humility then it is not wrong. Seeker you have already done this because you are being careful not to come across as arrogant, knowing things isn’t arrogant and sharing them is even less arrogant. Your class is blessed to have you and so will the Catholic church be. You are giving the chance for others to speak and when there is no answer either because they don’t know or because they feel unable to speak up, then you relieve that silence and speak up! Well done you! You sound like an inspiration to me! Only a jealous person would be mean spirited about you, St Paul said if someone is praised or knows much then be happy for their praise, this is humility also.

I think as long as at the front of our hearts and minds is humility and love then we do all things with the best intentions. Your very sensitivity to others and the desire to be sensitive to their hearts also shows me your intentions are just seeker, don’t worry my friend and enjoy your RCIA class and your journey in the Lord. Much love and peace to you, God Bless you xxx
 
I had this problem in some of my Deacon classes. Some folks don’t want to answer because they are afraid that they may be wrong. I have found in teaching classes that it is the instructor’s job to draw people out and not let one person dominate. I conduct a bible study in a large state prison. I always try to draw out those who are too shy or embarassed to answer.

May God bless you for realizing this and being considerate of others.
Deacon Tony
 
Ask away. You might be asking a question that another is too timid to ask. The only stupid question is the one not asked.

Congradulation and Welcome to the faith.
 
I understand as I have just started RCIA myself, you just have to keep in mind that this in very new stuff to a lot of people.

Luckily our instructors do a very good job of “dumbing it down” so that things are easy to grasp. And as it should be, its really an entry level for Catholicism.

they only problem that I had, and I brought this up with them, was a misrepresentation of non-Catholic Christianity. If I hadn’t researched on what I was getting into before had I would have called it quits. JP2, has worked so hard to try and bring together all Christ’s followers it’s sad we (Catholic/non-Catholic) still toss around 500 year old lies and deceptions. /rant sorry about that, I get worked up about divisions in Christ’s Army. Wee need to be kicking Satan’s butt, not each others.

Anyway, just keep in mind its entry level.
👍
 
This is one of the problems inherent with one-size-fits-all RCIA program. Part of the benefit of it for someone like you, is that it teaches you patience (at least that’s what my confessor told me before he told me to meditate on the Beatitudes as penance!). :yup:

In my case (I have the education of a priest) they exempted me from the catechetical portion of RCIA, so I attended no meetings until about six weeks before Easter. Then I joined the group weekly and went through all the public ceremonies.

True, I might have been helpful had I met with the group all year (there were only two others, a modestly catechized Lutheran and a 13-year-old boy). But the director was well equipped, and had I taken a “pastoral” or “teaching” role, it would have been redundant, not to say disrespectful. I saw a Priest privately about once a month, just to keep in touch as I read the Catechism.

Godspeed.
 
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seeker63:
I was one of those obnoxious little kids in school who always shot his hand up and always had the right answer when no one else did. This made me very arrogant and made the other kids hate me.

But tonight, in my main class and in my smaller group, I found myself answering about 80% of the questions. Generally I’d wait for others to answer first, but mostly they didn’t know or were too shy to talk. I even had to keep myself from indulging in the use of highfallutin theological terms like “hypostatic union” and “soteriology,” because I was afraid that’d make me seem obnoxious.
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I was similar in many ways. I was too naive to be arrogant, consciously; I just didn’t really notice that I appeared arrogant. Either way it had the same effect on others, hindsight tells me.

The other day I saw a t-shirt which read “I’m not arrogant. I’m just always right.” Beyond the humor in that, it actually describes your situation now.

I hear two concerns in your post. One is that you are “afraid” to “seem obnoxious,” which can be self-directed concern for your own reputation and social status and/or a genuine concern for the quality of others’ experience. The other concern is that you actually are “enjoying showing off” but concerned that you may be “overcome by arrogance.”

Perhaps I am arrogant, as well, and that is evident from the way I am answering you. Perhaps it’s true, but mixed with my own desire to be always right while not appearing obnoxious, I actually think that I have something to tell you. While I do not have expertise in the areas in which you are claiming strength, I detect that as a fellow “nerd” you will understand. Even this paragraph is self-serving and irrelevant to the point but I am leaving it in for reasons I won’t take your time to explain now. Carrying the logic to its extreme, the fact that I am posting at all signifies a weakness in my faith. Others have given you good answers and God can surely heal you without my two cents. To prove my faithlessness, I will continue…

At dictionary.cambridge.org, “arrogant” is defined as “unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you are more important than, or know more than, other people.” The problem is, you do in fact know more than other people so your concerns, IMO, are right on target. The definition includes “unpleasantly proud AND behaving” so from first glance you may not actually be arrogant because I detect no unpleasant pride in your question. You are aware that pride is there tempting you to indulge in it and are struggling with keeping it under control. If that’s correct, the question becomes whether your behavior (which is what you asked about) is such that it gives the appearance of pride, and therefore the appearance of arrogance. The concern is both selfish because you want people to like you but selfless because you have a genuine concern for the quality of their experience.
…but I couldn’t help but think that part of me was enjoying showing off.
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In other words, you’re human? You can deny it, or try to suppress it, but that will only make it worse. Accept it and don’t be ashamed of it. I don’t know of anybody who is completely immune to lust (or at least desire?) for flattery, no matter how troublesome it is. Your awareness of it and desire for true humility, possibly coupled with confession, should help keep it under control if it gets out of hand.

(continued…)
 
(continued from last post – moderators: I’m sorry I will try to be more succinct in the future)
Afterwards I prayed that I would not be overcome by arrogance. But I’m still very bothered by this.
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That’s not a bad thing. Like Paul, you want to be like the others and not distinguish yourself from them, so that you may win them over. If you were clueless about it, or knew about it and were not bothered, then I’d worry about you. You know you’re not perfect, but are willing to persevere in working toward being so.
I love participating and answering the questions, and many times I was afraid if I didn’t answer no one would, but I do fear the good I’m doing my soul by going through RCIA is countered by the arrogance.
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First, would it be such a tragedy if nobody answered any given question? Maybe you can “let one go” from time to time. If you can pull it off without a subtle smirk or a knowing look toward the teacher then people may actually believe you don’t know everything, protecting their souls from “pedastalizing” you.
Any ideas what I should do? Am I worrying too much?
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Not in my opinion. I don’t think you’re worrying too much; I think you have valid reasons to be concerned, and you’re doing something about it by writing on this forum.

One of the other posters commented that it is the leaders’ jobs to handle these sorts of things. I agree. Perhaps, though, they see you as such an asset to the class they have no clue that you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you can talk to one or more leader about it outside of class. If you are worried about appearance of “false humility” to the teacher, then you really do have a problem. Believe me, there is no end to it unless you force yourself to quit worrying about what everybody . It’s a simple problem to overcome, though. Get over it, talk to one or more leaders outside of class, and leave it in their hands. After that, you can go back to being yourself and quit worrying. You cannot change yourself so don’t try; at that point you have done all you can do unless somebody else has any better suggestions, so sit back, grow some faith, and enjoy the ride.

Congratulations for taking RCIA classes, and welcome. I pray you will find ever increasing peace through your faith in the Trinity and in your experience with God’s Church.

Alan
 
Alan, you wouldn’t be a St. Thomas Aquinas geek now, would you? You’re very thorough, and I do thank you.

I was actually kinda pleased last night when I didn’t quite get one of the questions on the homework exactly right. The group leader said there were really no wrong answers, but there were clearly answers that better suited what he wanted us to get out of our readings.

Two of the things on our handouts last night were the Nicene Creed and the test for the Rite of Confirmation. We were asked if we could accept all the points listed in them. One Protestant girl said she was not comfortable with the idea of accepting all the doctrines and dogmas of the Church. The teachers explained that that was fine, because she was just starting the class. It was important, however, that she be able to say that at the time of Confirmation.

I was tempted to 1) mention that there’s so much to Catholicism that you’ll probably never learn all there is to know about it, and 2) mention to her something I picked up on this board this week, about the difference between questioning and doubting and dissent and heresy. But I kept my yap shut.

The thing is, one of the reasons I answer so much is because I really want to talk about these things at length. My only problem with RCIA is that two hours a week just isn’t enough to suit me. I’d keep 'em there all night if I could, which explains why I spend so much time on this board.

But everyone, all the responses thus far have been very helpful and reassuring.
 
OK, Seeker. You, Alan and I can start the 12-step program:

Arrogant Nerds Anonymous! 🤓 🤓 🤓
 
HI ALL…I went through RCIA a few years ago. I’m here if you need any help.

I now teach CCD and Catholic-Christian Formation for Adults.

By the way, the answer to # 3 is C 😃
 
dhgray–

I assume those things you teach are essentially courses for adult Catholics to keep up on the particulars of the faith? I’m sure I’ll want to take those too later on–I’m still in that eager convert phase where I’m a junkie for religious instruction, so to speak.
 
Sit back and enjoy your class. I wouldn’t get too tied up worrying about if your participation is arrogant. You are in RCIA to grow, learn, discern, pray, and to become part of the community.
and many times I was afraid if I didn’t answer no one would
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No one has to have an answer to make things work correctly. It is okay for the presenter to ask a question and receive no immediate answer. Who knows what cogitation is going on in people’s minds in response to a question. That cogitation may be more important than an answer.
 
I essentially had the same experience in RCIA. I was so excited about being there, if no one answered in class, I would always step up. I guess I got carried away, because my wife had to jab me in the ribs a couple of times to let someone else get a word in edgeways.

Having said that, I agree with the previous poster. It is the responsibility of the instructor to try to get everyone to participate and not let one person dominate the class. Until that time, just enjoy yourself. You may be encouraging others to speak up.
 
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seeker63:
My group and class leaders seemed pleased that somebody was into it, but I couldn’t help but think that part of me was enjoying showing off. Afterwards I prayed that I would not be overcome by arrogance. But I’m still very bothered by this. I love participating and answering the questions, and many times I was afraid if I didn’t answer no one would, but I do fear the good I’m doing my soul by going through RCIA is countered by the arrogance.

Any ideas what I should do? Am I worrying too much?
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Why should you be bothered if you knew the answer and they don’t. The greater tragedy would be pretending that you didn’t know when in fact you did. Just strive to be simple and humble, even when you are in the midst of answering a question.

Gerry
 
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seeker63:
dhgray–

I assume those things you teach are essentially courses for adult Catholics to keep up on the particulars of the faith? I’m sure I’ll want to take those too later on–I’m still in that eager convert phase where I’m a junkie for religious instruction, so to speak.
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I teach adults through the Couples for Christ (CFC). Couples for Christ (CFC) is a ministry intended for the renewal and strengthening of Christian family life. It is an association of Christian couples who have committed themselves to the Lord and to one another, so that they may grow into maturity as men and women of God and fulfill their primary vocation of raising up their families under the lordship of Jesus Christ and for the service of the Kingdom of God. Couples for Christ is a work of Christ which raises up Christian couples and establishes Christian families committed to the work of evangelization and winning the world for Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit.
 
One thing you could do is to sometimes not answer, even when you know an answer. Just don’t say anything, and let someone else tender a reply. If nobody does so, and the facilitator(?) commences an explanation, you could let that continue for a bit then offer a detail or two, to supplement, perhaps in the form of a question. Catechesis used to be done by a priest, privately, and that was probably much better.
 
believe it or not (i’m sure you’ll have no trouble after seeing my heavy involvement and ‘hyperverbagurgitation’ (a word my friends and i made up that means when you explain too much) on this board), i had the same problem when i was in rcia, and in high school. and in college. and in any setting where there are teachers and students.

i guess my advice would be to try to save some of it for other settings. maybe jot down the questions you have, and ask them here, on this board, or to your sponsor later. i mean, answer alot of them in class. you’re hurting yourself, the other students, and the teacher to stop altogether. but maintain self-control, and resist the temptation to take over. 🙂 did you know ‘allen’ or ‘alan’ or however you spelll it (my middle name is allen) means ‘usurper’? it means other things, too. but it means that. and i tend to do so. anyway, so my advice - answer some, keep it light, and save some questions for later.

Godspeed and peace and joy as you continue your rcia process. welcome to the family.
 
It is hard to know something “cool”, to be in a setting where finally somebody cares to discuss it, and yet not to be in a position to just let it all spout. Rarely, however, is anyone in that position, even a teacher. We all have to be our own editors. My best advice for an eager student is to save comments for when you have something to contribute that is out-of-the-ordinary exciting for you or a question that is the one you’d ask if you had a limit on how many you were allowed to ask in a night. Limit yourself.

The other question to ask yourself is this: are you really listening? If you are really listening to the whole person–not just the words, but their emotions and so on–then you will not start to formulate what you want to say until they are finished speaking. Try it sometime. It is exceedingly difficult to do! It is also the greatest gift you can give. You’ll find then that what you have to say becomes much less about you and much more about those you have been listening to.
 
I had the fortune of having a great priest teach my RCIA. There were nights I knew the information presented, but I still enjoyed hearing it presented in the context of the class,* my* class.
A good analogy is listening to the Eucharitic prayers. I know what is going to be said, but each time I hear it and listen, I gain a closer union with Jesus who is present.

RCIA may is as much about becoming as it is learning. Relax and enjoy being the child that we all must become to enter God’s Kingdom. Answer what you want and take a break and coast when you want.
 
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