Asked to be a godmother--what to do?

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Minnie31

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My sister asked me to be the godmother of her baby. She’s Catholic and although I was born and raised the same faith, I am not a practicing Catholic. In fact, I’m agnostic.

I haven’t been to church in years, with the exception of attending funerals and weddings. I lived with my husband for several years before getting and married, and when we finally wed, it was by a justice of the peace.

What exactly is the role of a godmother? Do I not qualify? What should I tell my sister?

Thanks in advance for the advice!
 
With all respect, it is my understanding that you should not put yourself or the child in that position. Because death rates among people of childbearing years is much reduced from olden times, the full purpose of a godparent is seldom exercised. The purpose of the godparent was to ensure that the child be raised in the faith if the natural parents died or were otherwise unable to do so. If you are a nonbeliever, it would, in effect, be a false role.

Secondarily, the purpose is to provide an “outside” model of Catholic witness for the child. Again, you would have to deceive the child to fulfill your role.

However, I have seen situations in which godparents are “extras”, so to speak. One person is the true godparent, and another, in effect, “stands in” for the true godparent. Whether it is possible to do that when the “stand in” is a nonbeliever, is something I don’t know.

Barring that, I think you should simply tell your sister that it would not be proper for you to be the child’s godmother and take the burden from her shoulders. I mean you no uncharity in this, but I think you intend to do the right thing, and want to be told the truth.
 
first of all, thank you for your concern for Catholic teaching and your desire to comply with it.

the role of a godparent is to provide a good example and help raising the child in the faith. church law requires that the ones chosen be spiritually mature practicing Catholics.

the priest involved should be able to further clarify this to you or your sister if you feel unconfortable explaning this to her.
 
Minnie31 said:
My sister asked me to be the godmother of her baby. She’s Catholic and although I was born and raised the same faith, I am not a practicing Catholic. In fact, I’m agnostic.

I haven’t been to church in years, with the exception of attending funerals and weddings. I lived with my husband for several years before getting and married, and when we finally wed, it was by a justice of the peace.

What exactly is the role of a godmother? Do I not qualify? What should I tell my sister?

Thanks in advance for the advice!
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Maybe its time for you to come home.?
 
Thanks for the advice. I think I will discuss the situation with my dad first, then tell my sister that I am not the best person for godmother. It will be difficult to tell her this because she will probably be disappointed, but I think it is best to be honest with everyone.
 
Minnie:

I have seen many “Catholic agnostics” return to the Church. What you are now experiencing may only be a testing for you. Do as you wish, and I assume no superiority over you, but you might also tell your sister you will take up the role spiritually if your journey takes you back to your original spiritual home.
 
I have been in the same situation, except that I do practice another faith.

I was encouraged by the family to just accept the position, because it was an honor, to keep family relations good, to not bring attention to the fact that I was no longer a Catholic to the rest of the family, etc.

They told me that after all, there was another godparent to do the “real” stuff…

and I went along, but I wish I hadn’t, because it robs the child of what a godparent/child relationship can and should be.

In the end, always go with integrity, because “making nice” is usually pretty surface, and the important stuff runs much deeper. Or, as others have suggested, this may call you back to your faith of origin, spend some time in comtemplation over it.
 
Cheddarsox,

I agree with you that it’s better not to accept the position as godparent just to “make nice” and avoid conflict with the family. I respect the Catholic faith (or any faith for that matter) and would not accept any role in the faith unless I believed in it. I will not put on a false front.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I will discuss the situation with my dad first. I will wait until after Christmas because I don’t know how he will react and want to enjoy Christmas with my family before I break the news to them.
 
For one of my children we had a similar situation.

My sister was godmother while my sister-in-law (an ex-Catholic) was a witness. It included her in the ceremony which we wanted as my brother (also an ex-Catholic) had just divorced her and remarried, but at the same time, it did not require her to make vows she would have been unable to truthfully make.
 
Minnie31 said:
My
What exactly is the role of a godmother? Do I not qualify? What should I tell my sister?

Thanks in advance for the advice!
Click to expand...
the role of the godmother is witness the baptisms as a representative of the entire Christian community, to model the Catholic way of life, discipleship, Christian service and devotion for the child, to assist the parents in educating her in the faith, and to insure that she be brought to the other sacraments at the proper time. If you cannot do this in good conscience, and it sounds like you have already decided you cannot, it would be in the best interests of the child, and honest on your part, to decline.
 
I actually spoke with my dad today because I didn’t want the subject to be brought up at Christmas and have it be awkward. I told my dad that I’m not fit for the role as godmother. It was a stressful afternoon for the two of us, but we got our points across. The interesting thing is that my dad is also not a practicing Catholic and does not like the church very much. He also told me that my sister who’s getting the baby baptized doesn’t even believe in God! It’s my understanding that they are going through with the baptism to pacify my stepmom.

My dad wants me to lie to the priest just to make my sister happy and not decline the role of godmother. I told him that I will not pretend to be someone I am not. So our disagreement this afternoon was about lying to the church to tell them what they want to hear (my dad’s view) v. being honest about not being qualified as godmother (my view). My dad and I finally agreed that I would discuss the situation with a priest and take his advice. I plan to to this in the near future.
 
Hi…

I too am in a similar situation… I was recently asked to be a god-mother of a 2nd cousin and had accepted the role due to family advising I should make good and not try and make a family brawl.
I travel for a living and now I was offered another role in my job where I will be gone 2-3 months at a time. I am a Catholic and believe strongly in the role of a godparent and the eductaion of the child. I do not feel that I will be able to take on this task as it would not be fair to the child to have an inactive Godmother and not be to play a part in the instruction to the Church. Any advice you can give on how I should break the news would be appreciated. Every which way I say it in my head, doesn’t seem to sound good.

Thanks and Happy New year too all!
 
Robin12 said:
Hi…

I too am in a similar situation… I was recently asked to be a god-mother of a 2nd cousin and had accepted the role due to family advising I should make good and not try and make a family brawl.
I travel for a living and now I was offered another role in my job where I will be gone 2-3 months at a time. I am a Catholic and believe strongly in the role of a godparent and the eductaion of the child. I do not feel that I will be able to take on this task as it would not be fair to the child to have an inactive Godmother and not be to play a part in the instruction to the Church. Any advice you can give on how I should break the news would be appreciated. Every which way I say it in my head, doesn’t seem to sound good.

Thanks and Happy New year too all!
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Breaking such news is never easy. My dad and I spoke several times and argued our sides. He wanted me to give in and be godmother and mask who I am and what I believe in for my sister. I see his point in not wanting to disappoint my sister and I have to admit it was tempting just to give in. However, for me it’s a matter of principle and standing up for my beliefs.

As difficult as it may be for your family to accept, I would just be honest with them. Tell them that you take the role of godmother very seriously and believe you are not the best person for that role. Your family may not be happy or accept the news at first, but I think they will respect you later.

Good luck and Happy New Year!
 
Another consideration. Could this be God’s way of getting you back in the Church? Just a thought.
 
I am assuming that your sister knows that you are not a practicing and faithful Catholic… (and it sounds that she is not either).

With all this on the table… WHY is a baptism even being considered??? Why baptize a baby when there are NO intentions of raising this baby in the Catholic Faith.

I think this will do the baby (and all you) more harm than “good.”

Baptism should not be performed in order to “please” a family member (stepmom).

Has a priest already been contacted??? I am going to guess not… because, I am not sure if they would to through with all this.
 
RattleSnake said:
I am assuming that your sister knows that you are not a practicing and faithful Catholic… (and it sounds that she is not either).

With all this on the table… WHY is a baptism even being considered??? Why baptize a baby when there are NO intentions of raising this baby in the Catholic Faith.

I think this will do the baby (and all you) more harm than “good.”

Baptism should not be performed in order to “please” a family member (stepmom).

Has a priest already been contacted??? I am going to guess not… because, I am not sure if they would to through with all this.
Click to expand...
My nephew was baptized months ago. I had no involvement.
 
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