Asking a girl out just because?

[buckr02]

I was wondering… is it a good idea to just ask a girl out on a date just for the sake of getting to know her and see if it leads somewhere? I ask because there is a girl at my school that is very Catholic and seems interesting, but I haven’t really felt any attraction to her, so to say. But I figure it might be a good idea to get to know her and see if I develop an attraction to her. I figure it might be awkward though if I ask her out to dinner or something without having some real attraction to her.

 

[dulcissima]

I was wondering… is it a good idea to just ask a girl out on a date just for the sake of getting to know her and see if it leads somewhere? I ask because there is a girl at my school that is very Catholic and seems interesting, but I haven’t really felt any attraction to her, so to say. But I figure it might be a good idea to get to know her and see if I develop an attraction to her. I figure it might be awkward though if I ask her out to dinner or something without having some real attraction to her.

Ask her out, but not to something that screams romance. Think of an activity that you enjoy that you sort of wonder if she might also like. Or have her do something with you and a group of friends.

 

[IrishDude45]

I’ve thought about this exact same thing, mate. There aren’t that many devout, single Catholic girls in my area. Ask her what mass she goes to and see if you guys can go to mass together and then maybe Eucharistic Adoration or pray the rosary? First class Catholic date right there!

Good luck!

pax

 

[Ghoti]

I was wondering… is it a good idea to just ask a girl out on a date just for the sake of getting to know her and see if it leads somewhere? I ask because there is a girl at my school that is very Catholic and seems interesting, but I haven’t really felt any attraction to her, so to say. But I figure it might be a good idea to get to know her and see if I develop an attraction to her. I figure it might be awkward though if I ask her out to dinner or something without having some real attraction to her.

Your mileage may vary – but I see nothing wrong with getting to know her. There may be no attraction now – but take it from an older fellow like myself (I’m 43) that a good solid friendship can blossom into love. And you’d be surprised how love easily leads to attraction, rather than the other way around. “Love at first sight” is just gonads and hormones – pure physical attraction, and that’s not a good basis for a relationship. Looks are fleeting – my thick locks of my youth have migrated from my scalp to my chin(s), and my waist and inseam measurements have slowly approached then passed each other. Praise be to God that my Donna loves me for my personality. We started as friends, and got to know each other over a period of years, and eventually fell in love: I only realized it when I seriously thought about what she meant to me, and what my life might be like without her. Our relationship has lasted longer than any relationship that I (or a prospective partner) initiated on the basis of attraction.

Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return. So don’t set your sights on how attractive a certain pile of dust may be. Look at the soul within, because love originates in the soul. And though it sounds greeting-card-cornball, you’ll find that a good soul shines through the exterior, just as a “bad” soul will eventually blot out physical beauty.

Ever heard the phrase “warts and all”? When you truly love someone, you don’t “look past” their physical flaws – you long to see your loved one’s face, every line, every freckle, the little dimple on the end of her nose, the crooked way she smiles at you…and you wouldn’t change a blessed thing.

Get to know her. Get to know other girls of good character. Ask Saint Joseph to pray for your discernment: he knew a good woman when he saw one! And if it does not lead to the altar – then you have made good Catholic friends, and that’s a good thing too.

 

[JBassist17]

I was wondering… is it a good idea to just ask a girl out on a date just for the sake of getting to know her and see if it leads somewhere? I ask because there is a girl at my school that is very Catholic and seems interesting, but I haven’t really felt any attraction to her, so to say. But I figure it might be a good idea to get to know her and see if I develop an attraction to her. I figure it might be awkward though if I ask her out to dinner or something without having some real attraction to her.

Just make it clear that you just want to get to know her as a friend. Too often, our society thinks that a guy and a girl can’t have a true, non-romantic friendship, because sexuality is everything in our country. Odds are, if she’s a good Catholic girl like you said, she’ll understand you just want to enjoy each other’s company and faith.

In other words, don’t think of it as “asking her out”. You’re just hanging out together, don’t have to bring in “dating” terms.

 

[chevalier]

I can but agree with the advice given above. You do not need to introduce any romantic aspects into it if you don’t feel there is a need - or a just cause, rather - for them. Many a time have I had a coffee with a charming lady and scarcely has anything ever come out of it. And that is precisely very good because the dating pressure takes away people’s right to make an informed decision about where they are going in life. Friendship is solidly underrated. And friendship, at the same time, is a mighty good reason to get to know someone. Moreover, if someone isn’t interesting enough to have a friendship with, he surely isn’t interesting enough to have a relationship with.

 

[JBassist17]

Friendship is solidly underrated.

SO unfortunately true.

 

[Kit15]

Friendship is solidly underrated. And friendship, at the same time, is a mighty good reason to get to know someone. Moreover, if someone isn’t interesting enough to have a friendship with, he surely isn’t interesting enough to have a relationship with.

Agreed.

My husband and I were platonic best friends for over 4 years before we decided to give this “dating” thing a shot (and even then it felt like nothing had changed for a while). Many of our mutual friends thought we should date because we were together all the time…may as well make it official. But there was no romantic attraction between us so why should we?

He cracked first.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I was wondering… is it a good idea to just ask a girl out on a date just for the sake of getting to know her and see if it leads somewhere? I ask because there is a girl at my school that is very Catholic and seems interesting, but I haven’t really felt any attraction to her, so to say. But I figure it might be a good idea to get to know her and see if I develop an attraction to her. I figure it might be awkward though if I ask her out to dinner or something without having some real attraction to her.

I’m of two minds on this one. In my opinion, it’s harder for guys to develop attraction to a woman over time than it is for women to develop attraction to a guy. If you’re not attracted to her, then I wouldn’t lead her on. On the other hand, a friendship could develop, even if things did not work out romantically, and that’s why I’m of two minds on this. Personally, I would just keep things friendly. If a romance comes out of it, good; otherwise, you will have gained a friend. Just my $0.02.

 

[chevalier]

I’m of two minds on this one. In my opinion, it’s harder for guys to develop attraction to a woman over time than it is for women to develop attraction to a guy.

True. But sometimes we develop attraction we don’t really want to act on because it’s too little to found anything serious on. Over the course of my life, I’ve had many such attractions, and even currently, I suppose I could name two or three. Or a bit more. It’s possible that in some circumstances, such minuscule attraction could develop into something bigger.

 

[buckr02]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

I wanted to clarify something first because now I feel bad that I was misunderstood by at least one person here. I didn’t mean that I am not attracted to this girl physically - she’s very pretty and I try not to be shallow in that way to begin with. I meant that I haven’t really clicked with her as far as personality goes.

That said, I was definitely underestimating the importance of a friendship and I think it would be a good idea just to hang out as friends. So I appreciate the advice.

 

[MissMichal]

There is nothing at all wrong with asking a girl out just to get to know her better and see if an attraction develops. In fact, this is probably a much better situation than asking her out when you’re specifically after romance. It gives you a chance to know her by her merits and as a friend, and if you develop a relationship from there, then it will be much stronger for starting slow on the “love stuff.”

Peace,
-S-

 

[Ghoti]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

I wanted to clarify something first because now I feel bad that I was misunderstood by at least one person here. I didn’t mean that I am not attracted to this girl physically - she’s very pretty and I try not to be shallow in that way to begin with. I meant that I haven’t really clicked with her as far as personality goes.

That was probably me. D’oh! :doh2: And I’m sorry if I implied you being shallow.

buckr02:

That said, I was definitely underestimating the importance of a friendship and I think it would be a good idea just to hang out as friends. So I appreciate the advice.

That was more or less my bottom line. As I and other posters have said, love and attraction can blossom out of good friendship – and if not, then good friendship is never a bad thing.

I would dearly love to have a close friend or two.