Asking someone out who might be considering Religious life?

  • Thread starter Thread starter DL82
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

DL82

Guest
There’s somebody I met at church a few weeks ago, she seemed quite interested in me, and I am certainly interested in her. We don’t really know eachother at all yet, so maybe there’s nothing in this, but I couldn’t stop thinking about whether I should ask her out.

The thing is, she works for a Catholic charity where she works really closely with some nuns, and seems really into their life and their work. Now, if there’s even the slightest chance that she might be called to Religious life, I would feel completely wrong even thinking about asking her out.

Also, I’m a recent convert, and still struggle with issues of constancy, fortitude and reliability. I’m a bit of a wreck spiritually, up one minute, down the next, and don’t feel that I’m ready to present myself to anyone as a potential husband.

What should I do? Any thoughts?
 
The discernment process is for her to decide… sometimes that requires being exposed to other options (like a nice date out with a good Catholic ;))…

Asking her out to dinner isn’t going to deter her “call”…
 
DL82 said:
Also, I’m a recent convert, and still struggle with issues of constancy, fortitude and reliability. I’m a bit of a wreck spiritually, up one minute, down the next, and don’t feel that I’m ready to present myself to anyone as a potential husband.

What should I do? Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
You need to work on the above before you ask anyone out for a date.
 
Em_in_FL said:
Asking her out to dinner isn’t going to deter her “call”…
Click to expand...
Right – and if she’s already made her decision (or is strongly leaning to a vocation other than marriage) then I’m sure she’ll tell you that.

Some great friends of ours now have 3 kids and a great marriage. When they met, the wife was considering becoming a nun, but after discussing it with some of the sisters (who knew her well, as she had lived with them for a period of time because of family problems at home), they encouraged her to date her now-husband and the rest is history. The sisters knew that that a vocation as a nun wasn’t something she was really being called to, it was somewhere she felt safe and loved, and dating this man (along with prayer and counsel) helped her to also make this determination.

Hope this helps…
 
DL82 said:
Also, I’m a recent convert, and still struggle with issues of constancy, fortitude and reliability. I’m a bit of a wreck spiritually, up one minute, down the next, and don’t feel that I’m ready to present myself to anyone as a potential husband.

What should I do? Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
I suggest you not date anyone until you are ready to get married. I really wish some of my past boyfriends had spared me the heartache when they really weren’t ready. Friendship is another matter, however. If you really like her, can you volunteer at the Catholic charity where she works in an effort to get to know her better?
 
Why don’t you start simply being her friend, asking her out for a cup of coffee as a friend, and see what happens? You can always use friends, as can she.
 
Yeah, but I’ll say this, if I had dated a girl, and after we went out she she became a nun, I’d be wunderin “Dang, was I that bad??”
 
Yeah, but I’ll say this, if I had dated a girl, and after we went out she she became a nun, I’d be wunderin “Dang, was I that bad??”
Click to expand...
where’s your ego, BamaRider? a fellow we know lost his significant other to the religious life. his excuse-- she left me for the only guy better than me-- Jesus.

I agree that OP should work on relationship with God, platonic relationships with others and relationship with self BEFORE he presents himself as ready for a potentially romantic relationship.
 
monicatholic said:
where’s your ego, BamaRider? a fellow we know lost his significant other to the religious life. his excuse-- she left me for the only guy better than me-- Jesus.

I 😦 quote]
Code:
I think BamaRider was just kidding…I hope anyway.

The response of the fellow was so wonderful!
Click to expand...
 
where’s your ego, BamaRider? a fellow we know lost his significant other to the religious life. his excuse-- she left me for the only guy better than me-- Jesus.
Click to expand...
Shoshana pointed out-
I quote]I think BamaRider was just kidding…I hope anyway.
Click to expand...
Of course I was, and I admit my ego is BIG.
 
Shoshana! From the Great White North (have friends in Toronto) Brrrrrrrrr it gets cold up there. I read your link!

When I was a rookie in the fire dept an instructor once told us, “there are 2 kinds of people, those that are humble, and those that are about to be.”

I often told Debbie she’s married to the model husband, “dang baby what else could ya want?” And then oneday I found a post it on my puter. “Quote from Websters; Model- a non functioning replica.” No kidding.
 
DL82 said:
There’s somebody I met at church a few weeks ago, she seemed quite interested in me, and I am certainly interested in her. We don’t really know eachother at all yet, so maybe there’s nothing in this, but I couldn’t stop thinking about whether I should ask her out.

The thing is, she works for a Catholic charity where she works really closely with some nuns, and seems really into their life and their work. Now, if there’s even the slightest chance that she might be called to Religious life, I would feel completely wrong even thinking about asking her out.

Also, I’m a recent convert, and still struggle with issues of constancy, fortitude and reliability. I’m a bit of a wreck spiritually, up one minute, down the next, and don’t feel that I’m ready to present myself to anyone as a potential husband.

What should I do? Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
…I think it’s alright to date someone discerning religious life, although one must keep that option open to the other person. My boyfriend is seriously discerning priesthood–though, he claims he’d rather marry me. We’ve now been dating for seven months [and try not to be overly serious]. Both of us act old for our age, but the next four to five years 'til we’d be able to marry, if God blesses us with that] will be trying.
 
Unless she SAYS she is discerning, you have no need to jump to conclusions, you know? Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t.
 
DL82 said:
What should I do? Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
Hi DL82, I don’t know about this particular lady in your church; however, I just wanted to say that almost every single Catholic girl I’ve dated has at some point considered the religious vocation. As far as I know, none of them has decided to permanently enter a monastery/convent. It is best to find out, though, how serious she is about discerning a religious vocation, so that you don’t have any “surprises” later. So my advice is to not let it be an impediment, but also be ready to accept the consequences if and when she decides to go through with it. Let’s face it, you always take some risks when going out with someone, and if the lady is worth the risk, I say go for it! And lastly, when in doubt, you can always ask Him for guidance.

Hope this helps!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top