Asperger's Syndrome, Sin, and Guilt

[1love]

A little background:

My ten year old son has Asperger’s Syndrome. He is also very devout and wants to be a priest.

I struggle with scruples, but was not raised in a Catholic family and don’t know what someone could have told me, as a child, to help me deal with this.

My son is also very scrupulous. I suspect that his scruples are exacerbated by his Asperger’s Syndrome. However, I didn’t realize how bad it was until he told me he feels “constantly imprisoned by guilt.” I was caught off-guard, but told him it’s important to bring things like that to his priest in confession and ask for spiritual direction. He seemed fairly satisfied with that answer but still troubled.

I don’t know what I should say to him if he starts getting into one of his “moods” in which he feels that everything he does is wrong, and he shuts down. I don’t want him to grow up with a fear of “Catholic guilt” - guilt is good in that it alerts us to a problem, but to live with it constantly when you have never even committed a grave sin…that sounds miserable. I want to be able to help him. Any ideas, book suggestions, anything?

 

[90Domer]

I also have a 10 year old with AS, very scrupulous, very religious and who is also discerning the priesthood. Please feel free to PM as I would rather discuss this off the board. Thanks!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

A little background:

My ten year old son has Asperger’s Syndrome. He is also very devout and wants to be a priest.

I struggle with scruples, but was not raised in a Catholic family and don’t know what someone could have told me, as a child, to help me deal with this.

My son is also very scrupulous. I suspect that his scruples are exacerbated by his Asperger’s Syndrome. However, I didn’t realize how bad it was until he told me he feels “constantly imprisoned by guilt.” I was caught off-guard, but told him it’s important to bring things like that to his priest in confession and ask for spiritual direction. He seemed fairly satisfied with that answer but still troubled.

I don’t know what I should say to him if he starts getting into one of his “moods” in which he feels that everything he does is wrong, and he shuts down. I don’t want him to grow up with a fear of “Catholic guilt” - guilt is good in that it alerts us to a problem, but to live with it constantly when you have never even committed a grave sin…that sounds miserable. I want to be able to help him. Any ideas, book suggestions, anything?

Find a good priest who can help him with his scruples! He will need a lot of spiritual direction and it would help to be someone who can work with a young person who has Asperger’s. I would work on scheduling appointments with a priest outside the confessional. I have no idea if people with Asperger’s are even allowed into seminary - I suppose it would be an individual thing. But not to discourage him at this early stage! Just get him into contact with a priest or other spiritual director who can address his scruples!

 

[MerryHeart]

I think this is quite common for those on the higher end of the autistic spectrum. My son is 9 and won’t advance in Wii Sports games because he plays the easy ones that he knows he can win. Every loss or failure is taken very personally. They have to change so much to adapt to normal society. It leaves them feeling the weight of it all. That if something doesn’t succeed, it is because of them. It is so important to show how they are unconditionally loved by parents and God. Remind them often. Read the prodigal son passage. God loves us even when we fail and run off but desires nothing less than for us to return. And the importance of accepting forgiveness that God offers.

 

[mountee]

My personal experience as a classroom teacher who had several AS students over the years tells me to make a suggestion to you, I hope you won’t mind. As you already know communication is an issue and not everyone is as qualified to communicate with your son as he needs. That includes your regular priest, some may have the gift and understanding and some may not. In your meetings at your son’s school these issues can be brought up and explored with possible suggestions and solutions coming from the people who spend a great deal of time with him. Also, you may have a support group in your area and there may be other parents who have found a priest or spiritual adviser gifted in this area, nothing lost by checking it out.

 

[Chantal25]

Why don’t you give him some booklet or books or dvd about the Divine Mercy.

If those guilt are out of love for God, then this is great but if this is out of fear, then he needs to know that God is mercy above else. The priest will help him with this.

 

[kozlosap]

Why don’t you give him some booklet or books or dvd about the Divine Mercy.

If those guilt are out of love for God, then this is great but if this is out of fear, then he needs to know that God is mercy above else. The priest will help him with this.

Young children who fall on to the autism spectrum often will be drawn to any activity that is. ‘rule driven’. Quite obviously the HRCC is a totally rule driven religion. Introducing your son to activities where he has to make decisions using his own reasoning skills is very important for his social development as well as his in interior conscious. Kids with AS are sometimes unable to discern that not all situations they encounter in life are black and white and that other humans have different points of view. Hope some of this helps. - I taught high end students with various learning challenges for 33 years and many of them are autistic or on the spectrum.

 

[Chantal25]

Young children who fall on to the autism spectrum often will be drawn to any activity that is. ‘rule driven’. Quite obviously the HRCC is a totally rule driven religion. Introducing your son to activities where he has to make decisions using his own reasoning skills is very important for his social development as well as his in interior conscious. Kids with AS are sometimes unable to discern that not all situations they encounter in life are black and white and that other humans have different points of view. Hope some of this helps. - I taught high end students with various learning challenges for 33 years and many of them are autistic or on the spectrum.

I totally understand your reply since i did some research on this myself but i know that the psychologist need a sort of label to have a reference for themselves. Those children are far more normal then we are giving them credit. Their sensory are like short circuit but it cans be reversed or improved greatly with brain stimulation, clean diet and heavy metal detox. God is more powerful and with the Help of Mother Mary, we can only expect great result.

If i was the mother, i would place a medal of Mother Mary between his matrices and a Saint Benedict. Then i would pray that her son knows how much God loves him and Mother Mary is holding his hand to cross the street with God. At any time, they will lift him up to do this faster and safely.

Blessings!

 

[1love]

Thank you, everyone!

My husband and I discussed this for a while last night. He realized before I did that our son has been performing voluntary acts of mortification - not as a means of humbling himself, but to punish himself for mistakes (not sins).

For example, kids on the spectrum tend to have sleeping issues, and that is the case for our son. He didn’t sleep through the night or even stay in his bed all night until he was four, and he still has trouble staying asleep at night. Lately he has chosen to sleep without a pillow and blanket. I noticed he was looking pale and had dark circles under his eyes, and he told me what he’d been doing. Then I found out he was doing it as punishment for spilling something on Easter Sunday.

My husband’s reaction (which he did not share with our son) was: “Why would he punish himself for a mistake, but NOT realize when he ACTUALLY sins?” He has a very hard time doing a clear examination of conscience and it causes him a lot of stress. I can understand this…I can become very scrupulous and spend all my time worrying about the time I ate two servings of cake instead of one, so maybe that was really gluttonous, but overlook the big fat glaring sins. It’s kind of like the blind leading the blind over here. My son received his FHC at age 7 and has written down his confessions every time, but the past two times, he did not. I think that helped him. He was so worried that he’d forget, so I let him write them down (he destroys the list later) but I’m sure that added a lot to his scruples.

We did the Divine Mercy novena as a family and discussed the daily prayers afterward. I think it would help him to remember that God’s mercy is even bigger than our sin, no matter what we do (or what we spill on the floor at Grandma’s house on Easter…!).

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thank you, everyone!

My husband and I discussed this for a while last night. He realized before I did that our son has been performing voluntary acts of mortification - not as a means of humbling himself, but to punish himself for mistakes (not sins).

For example, kids on the spectrum tend to have sleeping issues, and that is the case for our son. He didn’t sleep through the night or even stay in his bed all night until he was four, and he still has trouble staying asleep at night. Lately he has chosen to sleep without a pillow and blanket. I noticed he was looking pale and had dark circles under his eyes, and he told me what he’d been doing. Then I found out he was doing it as punishment for spilling something on Easter Sunday.

My husband’s reaction (which he did not share with our son) was: “Why would he punish himself for a mistake, but NOT realize when he ACTUALLY sins?” He has a very hard time doing a clear examination of conscience and it causes him a lot of stress. I can understand this…I can become very scrupulous and spend all my time worrying about the time I ate two servings of cake instead of one, so maybe that was really gluttonous, but overlook the big fat glaring sins. It’s kind of like the blind leading the blind over here. My son received his FHC at age 7 and has written down his confessions every time, but the past two times, he did not. I think that helped him. He was so worried that he’d forget, so I let him write them down (he destroys the list later) but I’m sure that added a lot to his scruples.

We did the Divine Mercy novena as a family and discussed the daily prayers afterward. I think it would help him to remember that God’s mercy is even bigger than our sin, no matter what we do (or what we spill on the floor at Grandma’s house on Easter…!).

Awwwww…poor little guy! Mortification is not advised for many people…And only under the strict guidance of a holy spiritual director, and NEVER for children!!! Bless his heart! I don’t know just how you would find a spiritual director for such a young child, but go and see your priest to see if he can point you in the right direction.

:console:

Hugs to your little guy!

 

[SuperLuigi]

A little background:

My ten year old son has Asperger’s Syndrome. He is also very devout and wants to be a priest.

I struggle with scruples, but was not raised in a Catholic family and don’t know what someone could have told me, as a child, to help me deal with this.

My son is also very scrupulous. I suspect that his scruples are exacerbated by his Asperger’s Syndrome. However, I didn’t realize how bad it was until he told me he feels “constantly imprisoned by guilt.” I was caught off-guard, but told him it’s important to bring things like that to his priest in confession and ask for spiritual direction. He seemed fairly satisfied with that answer but still troubled.

I don’t know what I should say to him if he starts getting into one of his “moods” in which he feels that everything he does is wrong, and he shuts down. I don’t want him to grow up with a fear of “Catholic guilt” - guilt is good in that it alerts us to a problem, but to live with it constantly when you have never even committed a grave sin…that sounds miserable. I want to be able to help him. Any ideas, book suggestions, anything?

I would start here:

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm

Also, it may be prudent to find a spiritual director who understands scruples, I don’t think that all priests are sensitive to that or understand it. When someone with Asperger’s has scruples,* they have scruples*, and it seems to me to be much different than an ordinary (if you will) person who just has a misunderstanding of the faith.

I have the same condition your son does, and I don’t think that a general confession with a priest simply nodding off each sin without comment and the giving absolution will do in his case.

Please keep in mind also that a person, especially a child, with an erroneous conscience is not bound by any obligation. This is important because a person with a mental illness with all of these scruples has a different posture in the moral realm.

And I won’t lie----people with scruples, even kids, can be terribly stubborn about this. Simple reassurances for the sake of polite reassurance simply will not suffice. In fact, as a person with AS, I’ve found that to be insulting because people weren’t taking the time to do the research.

In terms of confession and spiritual direction, it may require him following absolutely what his confessor and spiritual director say in order to overcome this.

I struggle with scruples, but was not raised in a Catholic family and don’t know what someone could have told me, as a child, to help me deal with this.

It’s a shame you didn’t have that. AS wasn’t even looked at much until 1994 in this country. It took them nearly five years to properly diagnose me. Originally, they thought it was depression I even did an MMPI and it didn’t show up on there.

 

[Chantal25]

Truly, get a blessed Medal of Saint Benedict and Mother Mary. Place them between his matrices. He will have much better sleep and you will notice a change.

Keep on promoting that God is Mercy. There are so many material, DVD and books. At some points, he will connect the dot and trust. Power of Prayer is amazing, i would commit to say the Rosary/Mystery once a week and eventually, you will say it every day.

All the best!