C
chloe
Guest
I am just curious at what point do you call it quits when your marriage is on the rocks? Having friends and family that have been through divorce, it is not something that I take lightly. And, having children in itself to me is a reason to put their needs first. We’ve been married about 14 yrs. and have had more than our share of ups and downs. I’ve probably overlooked things more than I should have because I seen my own parents struggle etc. and always stick it out. Although, my husband and I do love each other, we have a way of getting into some pretty intense fights. And, it seems to stem back to trust and respect issues. When we first got married, we did party alot with friends. He sometimes partied too much and got home at wee hours in the morning. After having a child, that was not ok with me anymore and it got old. Then, he has a single chic from his work come on to him and as I am noticing it and speaking up about it, he ignores it and writes it off. I find out he had been talking to her about us and was not too happy. Mostly, because it was obvious she had hopes of getting together with him. Drinking issues from time to time because of his work and obligation to “entertain” that I totally disagree with. And, ofcourse over the last 5 yrs. he cheated on me twice via internet/telephone talking to women. Our other big fight seems to always center around money every now and then. I have to say that I am glad that I work and have a good job because I would never want to be dependent on a man. My husband is a flirt by nature and alot of fun to be around but, sometimes I feel he cares more about the attention he gets from others vs. me. Ofcourse, the attention he has been getting from me is that I feel like I have to be his parent. He is a good dad and a good person but, we both get tired of fighting. He is a horrible communicator and I am the opposite and that always seems to be another issue. I feel like I am at a point in my life where I just want to be loved and pampered a little and be first in their eyes. After everything that has happened between us I am a little needy for good attention and although I am trying to realize that maybe he is too, I am sort of selfish that maybe I deserve it more. We have tried counseling and I think that is for the birds. And, now with all this stuff between us, it is hard not to let it get in the way of our fights. And, we both end up feeling worse, rejected, depressed, etc. etc. I am reading Dr. Phils Relationship Rescue book and it is really good. And, I pray alot…but I can’t help but think we are never going to connect. We have alot going for us on the positive side, great friends, similar interests, but, because of these bad things that have happened, I am not sure I can get over trust issues when new things come up. He is a pretty lovable guy, most people love him. I just wish he would pamper me more and believe me I tell him and ofcourse he feels like he does nothing right so I swear he doest try he just shuts down and goes into his cave. So, I have to be the strong one and act like everything is fine so he will cheer up again. I have my bad habits, I am somewhat critical and have a temper when things don’t go my way but, I always give in or deal with stuff ultimately to make peace. Ofcourse, this can’t ever tell the whole story but, what are the answers. There are times when I thought everything was peachy king and here he is talking on the phone to other women about sex. It really really hurt…more because they were not just friendship calls there was more to it. He is sorry and making amends. He says he loves me very much. But, I feel like I would be better off with a man who can handle my strong personality and who can talk to me in a way where we actually connect and we both feel it and I know I can TRUST them.