At What Point Do You Say No and Take Action?

[Mrryan123]

We have been financially in a good place for awhile up until 5 years ago. My In Laws were elderly and we helped them move from another state to a home 2 blocks away. My Mom also became ill and they allowed her to move in with them so we didnt have to run between both places to care for all of them daily. They all have since passed away. My In laws had my husband listed as a joint owner of the property to thank him for all of the care and sacrifices he was going to make. Its a long story but his step siblings have taken this to court and we have been making a $2200. Payment on that house for the last 2 years. We just got it rented but are behind on the payments up there and as a result are in foreclosure on our own house and have delinquent creditors. I have disagreed with the decision to make that house a priority over our finances and our families wants and needs. He has paid $15,000 to a lawyer to fight the step siblings which is money we will nnever get back. The property could be forced to be sold and my husband receive 1/3 of the profit ($0) because the market is still at a loss. He has drained most of the money we had saved. He now wants to drain the rest of our money that we have in roth iras and bring that house current and ours partially. His decisions have made us almost bankrupt. He blames me because i never was on the same team as him i always disagreed with trying to keep the house. I wanted to let it go in the beginning because we cant afford it. I have been considering taking the kids and seperaing from him before he takes the last of the money.
Am i wrong as a Catholic to leave? Should i stand by him blindly and let him bankrupt us? Is that what I should do as a Catholic wife? I do also work full time and make a good salary that i could support my children on. He works but has taken periods of time off including two years while caring for all of the parents and injuries later. I dont know what to do. I pray but im not sure i am listening to Gods answer.

 

[takers]

I believe that you need to talk to both a marriage and a financial counselor. These issues are big enough that the advice of a third party would be beneficial.

 

[joanofarc2008]

I second what was said above and believe you should talk to your priest as well. I don’t believe your feelings are wrong but sometimes feelings can also be misleading and having a third party that is closer to the situation and not someone on the internet can be helpful. God bless you.

 

[odile53]

You don’t have to leave the marriage. You both need to talk with a priest, a family counselor, and a financial counselor. There are many couples who continue their marriages but have set very strict boundaries on their finances when they don’t see eye to eye on them. I know of one couple who had such fights over finances that they ended up hiring an accountant. They each give the accountant so much money per month, and he pays the bills, ensuring they don’t bankrupt themselves by what one or the other has an impulse to spend on. They pretty much are using his services as “adult supervision,” and have since repaired their relationship. Costly, but divorce is even more expensive, even at just a financial level.

 

[runningdude]

I believe that you need to talk to both a marriage and a financial counselor. These issues are big enough that the advice of a third party would be beneficial.

Second this as well. We don’t have enough context or training to evaluate this situation. I’d also recommend an attorney to contest the foreclosure.

 

[Regina_Love]

If you are able, I would move the money into an account he does not have access to. I would make an appointment to see a good counselor, and share with your husband that you are considering leaving. Please don’t give up on your marriage with out counseling! Please do your best to work it out. Good people can, and do disagree every day. Loosing his parents, and having siblings turn on him is a lot to deal with.

The angry side of me says to sends his siblings a bill for the full time care he gave his parents… (probably not good advice )

 

[joanofarc2008]

You don’t have to leave the marriage. You both need to talk with a priest, a family counselor, and a financial counselor. There are many couples who continue their marriages but have set very strict boundaries on their finances when they don’t see eye to eye on them. I know of one couple who had such fights over finances that they ended up hiring an accountant. They each give the accountant so much money per month, and he pays the bills, ensuring they don’t bankrupt themselves by what one or the other has an impulse to spend on. They pretty much are using his services as “adult supervision,” and have since repaired their relationship. Costly, but divorce is even more expensive, even at just a financial level.

This is a good look at the situation.