Atheist boyfriend

[kittyplant]

Hi, I wasn’t sure which sub forum to put this in…
I have been spending time with a guy for the past 4 months. (but I’ve known him for a year and a half) For a while there was fornication, but I stopped that…
I am wondering what to do from here - I tried getting a new job (we work together)… The new job is not able to offer me as many hours as I was hoping for, so I couldn’t quit the first job. I still see him at work but we don’t usually have the same hours.

It would be hard for me to leave that job since I am new to this state and am living miles away from my family. The people at this job are like my family here

I am attached to him, I care for him, I do love him, but it does not seem realistic that this relationship will work. There are too many differences even aside from believing in God.

What do I say to him, how do I say it? Is friendship a possibility? I pray for all who don’t believe in God but I am particularly hoping and praying for him to turn to God. He spends so much time alone it hurts me to think of leaving him. I just feel like he needs to be shown love and caring.

How do I break it off and do I continue the relationship in any manner?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

He doesn’t sound like a boyfriend. This sounds like you guys were ‘friends with benefits’ and that you put a stop to that. That’s a good thing; FWB situations can get pretty ugly, especially if it’s at work.

As for what to do, that depends. Were you guys just fooling around, or was there a genuine friendship there? Are you and he able to genuinely enjoy each other’s company without things turning sexual or awkward in any way? Does he respect that you have decided to no longer fool around with him and is he still interested in getting to know you as a person?

That’s really what this hinges on. If there really wasn’t a friendship there to start with or you don’t feel like there could be again, then by all means tell him that you only want to interact in a professional manner. If he disrespects that and keeps trying to turn it into something sexual, file a sexual harassment complaint.

 

[1ke]

What do I say to him, how do I say it?

I don’t really see a future for this relationship, and it is best to end it now. I wish you well.

Is friendship a possibility?

Probably not. And, opposite sex friendships are largely illusion anyway. What you had in common was your relationship. That is gone. Move on and don’t dwell on it or try to be “friends”.

I pray for all who don’t believe in God but I am particularly hoping and praying for him to turn to God.

This is an admirable thing to do.

He spends so much time alone it hurts me to think of leaving him. I just feel like he needs to be shown love and caring.

This is a common mistake that many young women make-- taking upon themselves the idea that it is up to them to fix the issues of others, to “be there” for everyone, and to take responsibilities for the emotions and problems of others.

How do I break it off and do I continue the relationship in any manner?

I would suggest that you don’t “continue” any relationship at all.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I have to agree with everything 1ke said. In this instance, considering the history you’ve had, it would be best for both of you it you were to move on and not try to maintain a friendship. Continue praying for him by all means, but that’s all. I especially agree with what he said about trying to fix the issues of others. Generally, this is not possible. You can give it a good shot, but in the end it is up to the person to take it upon themselves to change and solve their problems.

 

[suko]

This is a common mistake that many young women make-- taking upon themselves the idea that it is up to them to fix the issues of others, to “be there” for everyone, and to take responsibilities for the emotions and problems of others.

This times 10!

I’ve heard all the horror stories of Christians and non-Christians getting married, and it seems there’s almost always going to be serious problems due to religious differences.

Unless a miracle happens and he starts genuinely desiring to become a Catholic or something, I wouldn’t try to pursue any relationship further than being a co-worker, or a simple friend.

God bless!

 

[lily22]

Tell him you just want to be friends if he is persistent, and in a month or less he will drop away like a fly.

It’s because he has no moral back-bone. Case solved!!!

 

[Scientia_Dei]

Its because he has no moral back-bone!- lily22

Thats quite silly to say Atheist have no back-bone ( Im an ex-atheist) But nonetheless, I feel for you kittyplant, but the best thing to do is just to say," We are done." Due to the fact that you have differences beyond that hes atheist and you yourself have said you see no future.

 

[Gary_Sheldrake]

What do I say to him, how do I say it? Is friendship a possibility?

I would offer the idea that we don’t meet anyone by accident, especially those we develop feelings for. The answer to the sort of relationship is something you should ask yourself. I bet your heart knows.

I pray for all who don’t believe in God but I am particularly hoping and praying for him to turn to God.

Perhaps you are part of his coming to God. Not as part of a direct conversion through preaching or reason, but as part of a process that takes place perhaps over the course of a lifetime together (as friends or whatever you feel is right). Books, rites, beliefs and theories are not the best way to come to know God, at least in my opinion they aren’t. Direct experience is far greater I think. Perhaps you and he are part of one another’s direct experience of God. How do you feel that should shape up? What does your heart tell you?

I just feel like he needs to be shown love and caring.

Perhaps your love and care is the vehicle by which he is to come to know God in this life. Perhaps his love and care in return will be the vehicle by which you come to know God in ways you might not have expected. I don’t think anyone on the forum can intuit the answers to these things for you, but I think you can do it.