Romick:
Why would you want to witness an adulterous relationship? I vote that you not go. Too many of these type marriages occur today with even members of the church occasionally looking the other way. This is a serious sin against the Sixth Commandment which came directly from God. Then Jesus Himself said that He hates divorce. What more does it take to tell people what is right and wrong?
Just because the crowds are going doesnât mean you have to do the wrong thing. Be strong and please God.
Whoa! Judge not lest thee be judged. We witness alot of sin in this world. In this case to react harshly, we are making a judgment of their situation that is not ours to make. If everyone knew of all the sin Iâve done, I fear that many would push me out of the Church too. The Church is for sinners on the road to Heaven and we are called to help them along the way. Donât run them over!
I think you should ask these questions:
- Does she understand that she will not be able to recieve the Eucharist and other Sacraments as long as they are living together in a congugal way? If she doesnât, you should make sure that she is made aware of this either by yourself, a Priest or someone else she respects.
- Will she continue to try to recieve Communion and thus be creating a scandal at least among your family if not the entire parish and faith community? If she wonât recieve the Sacraments she is making a decision that effectively means she is choosing to âfastâ from the sacraments. This is a serious decision and one that requires the faithful to pray for her and to support her emotionally and spiritually during her period of fasting.
I know this situation firsthand. My wife of 19 years was married before in the Church. She left him and took her children to another town because of alcoholism and being a generally unfit husband/father. Her leaving him is totally consistent with the Churchâs teaching on marriage. This was never a sacramental marriage.
We met, began dating and fell in love. Because she had children that I grew to love and wanted to raise as my own, we decided to get married civilly even though she was not yet prepared to get her annulment so I could with more authority assume the role of fatherly influence on these wonderful kids.
We knew the consequences of this decision in the Churchâs eyes. We met with our Pastor many times before we did it. We knew we were embarking on a period of sacramental fasting that would be of an indeterminate period (She promised sheâd go thru the annulment process but didnât promise when it would be and we knew there was no assurance it would ever be granted).
But we were confident that we were people of a well formed conscience and knew that our love was sincere. We reached a studied, informed conclusion that her first marriage was never a sacramental marriage based on the Churchâs teaching (I donât want to go thru with the details but ultimately the tribunal agreed) and thus we were effectively choosing to cohabitate and did not have the Churchâs blessing (church as in institution and faith community). We continued to attend Mass, prayed for a Spiritual Communion (as all Catholics can when they are in a state of sin and unable to recieve the Eucharist), and recieved a blessing from the Priest. We worked hard to make sure that nothing we said or did would create a scandal against the Church among the parish or our own home.
Finally, after five years and two more kids, my wife found the âcourageâ to begin the process again (she had quit it before we met and and again shortly after our civil ceremony as the pain was too intense/fresh) where she ultimately received her annulment and our marriage was blessed in a very joyous ceremony of many friends and relatives.
After we recieved the marriage blessing, we heard from many (our Priest included) that our act of faith of attending Mass every week, volunteering on committees that were non-theological like cleaning the church or caring for the grounds, and showing to all that we continued to have a faithful, prayerful life was an inspiration.
Now I teach RCIA and I handle the marriage part. I can talk with authority that the fact that our Communion is not open to people of all faiths is not punitive but based on principles that are applied also to Catholics. I can talk about how much more precious the Eucharist is after âfastingâ for five years. My wife and I are also aMarriage Sponsor couple that meets with couples prior to their marriage. We usually get couples that are cohabitating or have been married before. We can talk to them on a level that others are unable to do and our Pastor believes we enhance the Churchâs teaching by our personal experience.
My point is that those who expressed an answer to this complex question donât know enough to make such an expression. Unless the answer to the questions I had at the beginning are not the right ones, go to the civil ceremony (if it is in another Church, this is a totally different issue). It is in abandoning our breathren that we fail to preach the Gospel.
I donât advocate that the attendee express approval. But that doesnât necessarily require that the attendee express disapproval. My family (extended and immediate) made their expression in their muted enthusiasm for and at the civil ceremony and their joyous expression at the sacramental ceremony.
