Avoiding the temptations of sexual sin

[CathoDad]

Peace be with you brothers and sisters.

I am a 30 year old married man. I have two wonderful children. However, I have a deep seated issue with sexual sin.

I was baptized as an infant but did not practice my faith growing up. I started going to Mass of and on in my twenties but never committed. During my marriage I have had several affairs which led my wife to give me an ultimatum last fall. I sought counseling and things got better. I knew I hit rock bottom. Then I went to midnight Mass and was hit in the face with the feeling of grace. I have been totally committed to the faith since (confirmed, wife converted, children baptized, confessing regularly, daily Mass etc).

But there is a problem. The sexual desires won’t go away. I can control them at home but I am in the military and typically away for long periods of time (I am away from home now for six months). I am alone, in my room, with wifi and things start happening. Viewing pornographic material, texting past flings, masturbation, etc. To matters worse, I have s great personality that attracts women. My friends used to say I have the Kavorka (from the Seinfeld episode where Kramers allure forces a nun to foresake her vows). Meeting women has always been easy for me. This makes conversations with women difficult.

How can I tear this sinful part of me out of my soul. I truly seek the devout life and I want to avoid the near occasions of sin. St Francis De Sale teaches to develop a hatred for Mortal Sin but I am having difficulties following his teaching.

Help.

 

[Rau]

Peace be with you brothers and sisters.

I am a 30 year old married man. I have two wonderful children. However, I have a deep seated issue with sexual sin.

I was baptized as an infant but did not practice my faith growing up. I started going to Mass of and on in my twenties but never committed. During my marriage I have had several affairs which led my wife to give me an ultimatum last fall. I sought counseling and things got better. I knew I hit rock bottom. Then I went to midnight Mass and was hit in the face with the feeling of grace. I have been totally committed to the faith since (confirmed, wife converted, children baptized, confessing regularly, daily Mass etc).

But there is a problem. The sexual desires won’t go away. I can control them at home but I am in the military and typically away for long periods of time (I am away from home now for six months). I am alone, in my room, with wifi and things start happening. Viewing pornographic material, texting past flings, masturbation, etc. To matters worse, I have s great personality that attracts women. My friends used to say I have the Kavorka (from the Seinfeld episode where Kramers allure forces a nun to foresake her vows). Meeting women has always been easy for me. This makes conversations with women difficult.

How can I tear this sinful part of me out of my soul. I truly seek the devout life and I want to avoid the near occasions of sin. St Francis De Sale teaches to develop a hatred for Mortal Sin but I am having difficulties following his teaching.

Help.

How do you think this problem would be were you based back home, with regular contact with your wife? Do you think you would still wander?

 

[Alexander13]

If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off…

You should probably start by deleting the phone numbers of your ex’s.

Other than that, it sounds like the typical problem most western men have today: the porn culture. Pornography has wormed its way in to most things; it’s practically mainstream today. It’s message is about objectifying and dehumanizing others - to root your identity and pleasure in the sexual domination of others. It’s probably the most powerful evil in our society today. But your worth doesnt come from your power over women; it comes from being created by God and redeemed by his Son.

So confessing your powerlessness against it is the first step towards the cure. Maybe tell your wife and try to work out ways to manage it together. If you are married, it’s just as much her problem as it is yours.

Then you need to control the internet use. It really is an addictive drug; something we turn to to escape and forget our problems for a while. If you cant cut it off completely (eg throw out your smart phone), then you need to find a way of accessing it only in public places.

And, of course, try to apply some military discipline to your prayer.

 

[Groo]

12 step group. Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) or Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Check their websites for meetings in your area. One group may have a stronger presence in your area than others.

In any of these groups you will find others who have similar stories to yours. We help each other. The roots of sexual sin, as you put it, are not sexual in nature. These programs help to address the root causes of addiction.

A good therapist may help also, if you can find one.

 

[davetv]

You have to do smart things to avoid occasions of sin. But have to say nothing has helped me more with this sin than devotion to Mary. Place yourself under her care daily. Pray and reflect on her. The more you fall in love with Mother of Jesus the more you can conquer this sin. With prayers - David

 

[Luvz2travel]

I would keep an emotional distance between you and other female coworkers in military and limit your buddy times with other women. Praying should help as well.