K
Kay_Cee
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No problem. Hope weāre okay with each other now! :hug1:Sorry I misunderstood your joke Kay Cee.
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K
kenj89
Guest
I guess I should clear some stuff upā
We donāt actually share a bathroom, we each have our own. We discussed him being there when I was sick, and she agreed to it, mostly because she didnāt feel like taking care of me is how she put it. She told me that so many people were worried, that she didnāt feel she needed to be worried too. We both buy our own food, and so him sleeping on the chair that I brought wasnāt an issue with her, she was actually really good friends with him too, so she trusted him, and she was happy then.
This was actually my best friend for a long time. She met this guy about 5 months ago, and he has changed her 100%. Its so backwards from the supporting person she was. She used to be such a good girlā¦and now this guy stepped into her life, and changed everything, her values, her attitude, everything that used to make us so close.
I donāt really ahve a problem with him BEING there, as much as I donāt agree with it, its her room, her life, and Iāve tried to talk to her about what she used to be like, and there really isnāt much else I can do but pray. The thing Iām ahving a problem with is he is apparently āmoved inā as of jan. 11. She didnāt talk to me, or our landlord. She told me he was going to hang around for a while until he found a place, and now he isnāt planning on it. I looked at the lease more, and although Iām the primary signature, hers has equal gravity. I told her she has to talk to the landlord, but the hardest part of this all is that I feel so torn because of the fact that we used to be able to hang out every day, and be fine with it, we could talk about this stuff, and neither would get mad. Everything was alright until he came along.
Iāve decided Iām moving out, and living on my own, but I would be grateful for your prayers in helping me understand and deal with this, and figure out some way to do this without there being a bunch of anger and hate and awful stuff happening.
God Bless. <3
We donāt actually share a bathroom, we each have our own. We discussed him being there when I was sick, and she agreed to it, mostly because she didnāt feel like taking care of me is how she put it. She told me that so many people were worried, that she didnāt feel she needed to be worried too. We both buy our own food, and so him sleeping on the chair that I brought wasnāt an issue with her, she was actually really good friends with him too, so she trusted him, and she was happy then.
This was actually my best friend for a long time. She met this guy about 5 months ago, and he has changed her 100%. Its so backwards from the supporting person she was. She used to be such a good girlā¦and now this guy stepped into her life, and changed everything, her values, her attitude, everything that used to make us so close.
I donāt really ahve a problem with him BEING there, as much as I donāt agree with it, its her room, her life, and Iāve tried to talk to her about what she used to be like, and there really isnāt much else I can do but pray. The thing Iām ahving a problem with is he is apparently āmoved inā as of jan. 11. She didnāt talk to me, or our landlord. She told me he was going to hang around for a while until he found a place, and now he isnāt planning on it. I looked at the lease more, and although Iām the primary signature, hers has equal gravity. I told her she has to talk to the landlord, but the hardest part of this all is that I feel so torn because of the fact that we used to be able to hang out every day, and be fine with it, we could talk about this stuff, and neither would get mad. Everything was alright until he came along.
Iāve decided Iām moving out, and living on my own, but I would be grateful for your prayers in helping me understand and deal with this, and figure out some way to do this without there being a bunch of anger and hate and awful stuff happening.
God Bless. <3
S
SugarMagnolia
Guest
I think youāre really getting in touch with your feelings here. It seems like youāre afraid of losing the friendship and thatās whatās mostly making you angry. I can understand that.I guess I should clear some stuff upā
We donāt actually share a bathroom, we each have our own. We discussed him being there when I was sick, and she agreed to it, mostly because she didnāt feel like taking care of me is how she put it. She told me that so many people were worried, that she didnāt feel she needed to be worried too. We both buy our own food, and so him sleeping on the chair that I brought wasnāt an issue with her, she was actually really good friends with him too, so she trusted him, and she was happy then.
This was actually my best friend for a long time. She met this guy about 5 months ago, and he has changed her 100%. Its so backwards from the supporting person she was. She used to be such a good girlā¦and now this guy stepped into her life, and changed everything, her values, her attitude, everything that used to make us so close.
I donāt really ahve a problem with him BEING there, as much as I donāt agree with it, its her room, her life, and Iāve tried to talk to her about what she used to be like, and there really isnāt much else I can do but pray. The thing Iām ahving a problem with is he is apparently āmoved inā as of jan. 11. She didnāt talk to me, or our landlord. She told me he was going to hang around for a while until he found a place, and now he isnāt planning on it. I looked at the lease more, and although Iām the primary signature, hers has equal gravity. I told her she has to talk to the landlord, but the hardest part of this all is that I feel so torn because of the fact that we used to be able to hang out every day, and be fine with it, we could talk about this stuff, and neither would get mad. Everything was alright until he came along.
Iāve decided Iām moving out, and living on my own, but I would be grateful for your prayers in helping me understand and deal with this, and figure out some way to do this without there being a bunch of anger and hate and awful stuff happening.
God Bless. <3
If getting your own apartment is something you can afford to do, it might very well be the best thing. Youāll have your own place, which really has its perks, and your friend will have the privacy to pursue her relationship. Maybe living apart will actually help keep the friendship healthy.
If sheās a valued friend, donāt give up on her just because sheās having this relationship. Girls can really lose their heads over a guy. Try not be judgmental; people rarely respond to that. If the relationship is unsuccessful, sheāll need your shoulder to cry on. If the relationship is successful, sheāll eventually find more time to be with you. (Beginnings of relationships tend to make people forget everything else in the world.)
On the other hand, donāt move out unless youāre sure the boyfriend is really there to stay. Five months is a very short time to decide to cohabit. The guy could decide in a few months that he doesnāt want to live with her anymore and then he could just vanish, leaving your friend with a rent she canāt afford on her own.
It is indeed a very complex situation. I wish you the best.
E
eucharisteo
Guest
There is a difference between being judgmental and passing judgment. The first one is everyoneās responsibility. We make daily judgments everyday. We must do this. On the other hand if we catch ourselves condemning the other person to the fiery pits of hell, then that is sinful. If you value your friendship with this woman, then be kind to her and let her know that for the sake of your relationship you find that you must leave because what she is doing really is a major violation of your conscience that that in your faith it is considered a grave sin. Make it clear but be gentle about the way you present it to her. If you just move she may simply get mad at you, period. Thatās my suggestion. Own your faith and donāt be like these cafeteria Catholics that think not saying something is charitable. Itās the oposite of charity. Ask Fr. Mitch Pakwa or Fr. John Corapi. Theyāll tell you like it really is, not this āoh we must be careful not to hurt their feelingsā. Do you think Jesus was concerned about hurting the feelings of those men in the temple? I think not. He was angry, with justified anger. Form your conscience around true orthodox Catholicism, not this false one you see so often among the pop culture in the Church.
Now I didnāt say start a war and throw the book at herā¦ the book being the bible or the catechism. Be gentle in how you speak the truth, but not wimpy. Scripture tells us to be angry but sin not. Your anger is toward the sin, not the sinner. But in this case you have a lot to be angry over because she moved in an unwanted permanent roommate.
Just my thoughts
Now I didnāt say start a war and throw the book at herā¦ the book being the bible or the catechism. Be gentle in how you speak the truth, but not wimpy. Scripture tells us to be angry but sin not. Your anger is toward the sin, not the sinner. But in this case you have a lot to be angry over because she moved in an unwanted permanent roommate.
Just my thoughts
R
Ruthie_again
Guest
Donāt make her go to the landlord. Do it yourself. Ask him non-revealing āifā questions:
āIf we wanted a third roommate, would they need to be on the lease?ā
āIf I wanted to move out, could my roommate keep the lease, find a new roomie, and just put the new oneās name on the lease?ā
āIf one of us wanted to move, would the lease automatically transfer to the other roommate, or would the moving one be breaking the lease? In that case, what would the penalty be?ā
You may be able to find the answers by studying your lease. Whichever, once you have the answers, you can figure out what to do.
God bless you,
Ruthie
āIf we wanted a third roommate, would they need to be on the lease?ā
āIf I wanted to move out, could my roommate keep the lease, find a new roomie, and just put the new oneās name on the lease?ā
āIf one of us wanted to move, would the lease automatically transfer to the other roommate, or would the moving one be breaking the lease? In that case, what would the penalty be?ā
You may be able to find the answers by studying your lease. Whichever, once you have the answers, you can figure out what to do.
God bless you,
Ruthie
E
eucharisteo
Guest
You know that if you canāt afford to live elsewhere then you may just have to concede and draw a line in the sand about topics not to discuss and while doing this find a new place to live. I understand the difficulty in having room-dogs as we called them in the Army. I had to move around in college quite often. Itās not fun and I had roomates living sinful lives as well. I wasnāt an angel either but nothing compared to those guys. So, like I said Iād put burn a candle for her and her boyfriend. Do small things in subtle ways. Offer suffering up for her and pray for her constantly. Create a prayer corner in your room or in the apartment somewhere. Do something that makes it obvious what you believe and maybe if youāre lucky she or he might ask. Sometimes guilt rises out of people because theyāre reminded of your example. Iām just stirring the pot of ideas some more. But no 2 people are alike. You have to do what works for you or learn how to go into uncharted waters youāve never gone through.
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