Baby number 2 on the way, wanting advice

[SeekHisFace]

Hi,
We are very excited to discover baby number two is on the way. I have found making decisions in parenting so difficult; there is so little that is objective to base decisions on. I’d love to hear advice, suggestions in the following two areas:

• Baby number one, let’s call her T, is 15 months old. She is still breastfed both during the day and at night I breastfed her to sleep for her naps and her sleep. We are wanting to wean her now that I’m pregnant but she shows very little interest in a bottle and I can’t seem to get her to sleep without breast milk.

-T is also still waking around 3 times a night and wanting to be breastfed back to sleep. We want to move her out of our room well before the little one appears so there is no jealousy there/ feeling of being kicked out, but I don’t know how to manage this with her waking so regularly.

Any advice would be appreciated. We’ll consider it all!

 

[Peeps]

Good luck getting answers. It’s been awhile since a baby sleep thread was on CAF, and usually they turn into big arguments over the dangers of letting a baby/toddler cry it out versus allowing the baby/toddler to co-sleep with parents.

First, try a cup instead of a bottle with a 15-month old. My younger daughter went straight from breast to cup (a sippy cup with a lid, not an open cup).

Second, you need to wean your daughter away from waking up during the night. Do it kindly but firmly, and be prepared for some crying, and if she is walking, be prepared for her to climb out of her crib or toddler bed and wander into your bedroom. And do it gradually–cut out one of the night feedings, not all three, and then cut out another one, and then the final feeding.

Just keep in mind that you are not abusing your child or hurting her—for YOUR sake, your husband’s sake, your toddler’s sake, and the sake of the new baby, you ALL need a full amount of sleep! That’s the way God made humans–we need sleep! It’s not a luxury. And you can’t count on daytime naps making up for any sleep that you as mommy will lose at night–often, daytime naps just don’t happen for moms because of grown-up responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying bills, church, answering the doorbell, etc.

Third, try feeding her more solid foods during the day–a fifteen-month old should be eating solids, including real food, not baby food. And make sure that she is very very active–lots of active play, preferably outdoors. That will tucker her out and she’ll be more likely to sleep soundly and have pleasant dreams.

Fourth, establish a bedtime routine (but be careful–don’t make it TOO long and involved because you will probably be doing it until she’s a teenager!). Include a prayer, a song, maybe reading a very short little children’s story, a kiss and hug for her and her love-y toy (if she has one–that might be helpful, too–a little toy or doll for her bed), and of course, “I love you!”.

 

[F_Marturana]

My kids were all breastfed, they didn’t really take bottles. Your baby at 15 months will probably be able to transition to a cup either regular cup or sippy cup.

I’d start night weaning, maybe dad could comfort baby at night, and give some water in a cup.

What worked with my kids was a sleepover at Grandma’s.

As for the bed, try to move older baby before newer baby. Make a big deal over the big girl room.

Babies grow and turn into toddlers and preschoolers so fast.

There might be some jealousy. But as long as you’re constantly affectionate with the older one and involve her with the baby, it shouldn’t last long.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

I don’t think there is a painless way to rip off the bandaid unfortunately. The transition is gonna be rough, she’s gonna cry and you’re going to feel terrible. But you’re going to have to wean her off the breast and expect a few rough nights.

Kids are adaptable, though. It’s hard on you because you feel so guilty letting them cry but you have to do it.

 

[AveCruxSpesUnica]

For a while when our older boy was around that age (he’s now 3), we brought pouches of yogurt that he could eat from the pouch upstairs at night. So when he woke up, we would offer those first before offering nursing. You can buy single serve ones at the store, but those are expensive, we bought re-usable pouches and then just filled them with yogurt (or applesauce, or whatever…).

Ultimately, they helped him nurse less at night, until he started eating more at dinner/before bed and we were able to wean away from the pouches too. As far as getting him to sleep in his own room…welll…we’re still working on that part. We have a 1 year old too, so it gets crowded in our room at night sometimes…

 

[SeekHisFace]

Thank you so much for the helpful replies. I’ll try a sippy cup.
It’s so easy just to give her the breast milk to get her to sleep, but I guess we will have to have some temporary pain for more effective gain!

 

[ZemD]

Your daughter might be less interested in nursing as your pregnancy progresses. Your milk will change and the supply will drop.

I agree with the comment to make a big deal out of her “big girl room” and bed. My first son slept near me almost every night from the time he was born until the night I was in the hospital having my second son. Dad slept with him for 2 days while I was in the hospital, had enough and told him “this is your big boy bed and your big boy room, you can do whatever you want in here!”. And he put all his toys on his bed and slept like that for the first night.

As for weaning, I cut out the night feedings before my husband did the room transition. The night I weaned him, at about 16 months old, I offered him a cup of water when he woke up, told him no more milk and he cried but I rocked him back to sleep. He tried 1 more time that night and then never tried to nurse again. It was harder on me than him!

 

[SeekHisFace]

Wow this is so encouraging. I hope it works this way for us!

 

[starlady]

Congratulations! We are also expecting our second…we have one son who just turned two. I am about 25 weeks along.

To wean off of nursing, you can try distractions - if T wants to nurse during the day, offer something else like milk or water, or maybe a toy, or something like that. You can also start to nurse but decrease the time gradually (so maybe one day you allow her to nurse for 15 minutes, and then the next day or week you reduce that to 14 minutes, etc). If you have a spot where you normally nurse, like a rocking chair, avoid sitting there as she may see that as an invitation to nurse.

I am still nursing my son (which I never thought I would ever do for so long…my original goal was 12 months haha). He’s pretty much down to only nursing at nap time and bedtime. He has never been a particularly good sleeper, but a few months ago, all of a sudden he started sleeping better at night. He now generally sleeps through the night, maybe waking up once during the night 1-3 times a week. If he does wake up at night, I offer him water and then snuggle him, and he’s usually tired enough that he falls asleep without having to nurse.

I’m still trying to work on weaning at bedtime and nap time! Weaning is hard when the child just doesn’t want to, and nursing is such an easy fix. But I really don’t want to tandem nurse (and hormones have made nursing a bit more painful lately). I think we may have to just have to have some hard days/nights for a week or so…we just haven’t committed to it yet. If you don’t feel comfortable doing cry it out (we don’t), you can always reassure your daughter and snuggle her, but yes, it will probably be hard for her at first.

We are hoping to move into our first house by the time our baby arrives in about 3.5 months, so lots of big changes coming for us and our son. The good thing is, even though it will be difficult, your daughter will not remember the struggle…and you will be better prepared for the new baby.

Best of luck! May you have a healthy pregnancy and a smooth transition with your daughter!

 

[Anicette]

T is very little.

You don’t need to wean him. He is still need your milk and breast confort.

The breastfeeding is very important for children until at least 2 years old.

With the pregnancy, your milk supply will go down and your milk will become salty (like colostrum). So baby T will eat by himself more solid food, and eat for milky product if you propose him (like yogurt and cheese).

The feedings will probably become more annoying, perhaps painfull for you, and you may reject your baby.

We moove her in her room during the preganncy and it was the end of night feeding, but she was more older. It was natural without any cry or something else.

It is possible that he will wean himself during the pregnancy. If not, no problem, you can feed two children, as long as you prioritize the new baby.

Don’t worry I do that, no problem of jealousy. The only problem was my oldest who want to feed as often (or more) than the baby. I don’t manage the problem very well, but it was only a transition, and she understand when I explained her very hard that the baby needs more milk and she changed.

 

[heidi_storage]

He is still need your milk and breast confort.

He doesn’t need it. The mom is welcome to feed him as long as it works for her, but in no way should she be made to feel that she needs to be breastfeeding at this point.

 

[F_Marturana]

I remember that. My last child would only nurse at bedtime. He’d spend the entire day doing toddler things then a night would remember.

He really wouldn’t have a full feeding. It was more cuddle time.

Eventually it was just cuddle time.