Bad advice in the Confessional-What should I do?

[safeeagle]

I went to confession to a priest and received advice that using condoms is ok. My wife went to the same priest and received the same advice. It created quite an issue in our marriage. I new that this was incorrect. My question is what about the next penitent. should I go to the cancery? to the priest directly? or just drop it? this happened some time ago.

 

[turboEDvo]

Isn’t bad advice maddening! If I were you, I would find another priest, possibly an Opus Dei one (as I went to Confession with one last time, and I for the first time in months left feeling like I had truly been given sound advice), and get a second opinion. Or, since you know it is wrong, don’t use them (though I am assuming that your wife is not on the same page, possibly? ). Priests screw up too sometimes (though that is a bit rediculous if you ask me). Try a different parish for Confession.

Eamon

 

[AlanFromWichita]

My 2 cents, FWIW:

safeeagle:

I went to confession to a priest and received advice that using condoms is ok. My wife went to the same priest and received the same advice.

Ouch.

It created quite an issue in our marriage. I new that this was incorrect.

Why did it become a marital issue; did your wife believe him over you?

My question is what about the next penitent.

Not your job to provide sacrament insurance for others.

should I go to the cancery? to the priest directly? or just drop it? this happened some time ago.

Drop it.

Respect the priest’s privacy just like he must respect yours. If you must question him, do so in the confessional or let it go. Otherwise you’re defeating the purpose of the sacrament which is to ease your burdens, not add to them.

If Communion from a sinful, fallible priest is valid, then I would hope reconciliation from a priest whose theology I question is also valid.

Alan

 

[Tyler_Smedley]

I disagree with the last post. I would talk to him out of the seal of confession…ask him what he thinks about the use of condoms. Then if he says they are fine, take it to the bishop. You do need to watch the back of the person who is going to go to him and believe him.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Tyler Smedley:

I disagree with the last post. I would talk to him out of the seal of confession…ask him what he thinks about the use of condoms. Then if he says they are fine, take it to the bishop. You do need to watch the back of the person who is going to go to him and believe him.

I can envision doing this, too, but in an academic way. In other words, “Father, I’d like to hear your opinion on this” and not “Father will you admit I caught giving bum advice in the confessional that any marginal Catholic – even myself – knows will send us to hell.”

If I went to the bishop I would first offer to do it without naming names: “Dear Most Reverend so-and-so: I am confused because I was advised in the confessional to use condoms and I was always taught that was against the Church. I would be happy to supply you with more information if you need it.” At this point it is now officially out of my hands.

If this priest doesn’t know that he’s going against Church teachings, then he’s got problems far greater than you can reasonably expect to solve by challenging him in or out of the confessional. I’d say with a high confidence level you wouldn’t be the first to point this out to him.

Take it from somebody who has tried to fix problems in the church even while holding lay leadership offices. Do not make this into a crusade or you will only hurt yourself. Some famous person once said, on the topic of giving advice, “State your advice clearly, then become completely indifferent as to whether it is taken.”

Alan

 

[Darrel]

What if the priest is saying it to everyone?

-D

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Darrel:

What if the priest is saying it to everyone?

Then that priest is on very thin ice and needs our prayers. Just imagine being in his shoes on judgment day.
Luke 17:1-2:

He said to his disciples, "Things that cause sin will inevitably occur, but woe to the person through whom they occur. It would be better for him if a millstone were put around his neck and he be thrown into the sea than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.

Alan

 

[felra]

turboEDvo:

Isn’t bad advice maddening! …Priests screw up too sometimes (though that is a bit rediculous if you ask me).

Sorry, but this “bad advice” was not a “screw up”. This priest is very well aware that he was giving dissident advice. This happens too often, and usually with those @ mid-1980’s and earlier ordination priests flying on the heals of open dissent against the teachings of Humanae Vitae.

The fact that it happened “some time ago” does not at all exclude you from seeking recompense and accountability for the havoc (“created quite an issue”) it has caused in your marriage. I agree with **Tyler Smedley **that I would first approach the priest and clarify the advice given and if believes that the use of condoms is okay. Be prepared for a poor and erroneous rationale if he seeks to defend his dissident advice. I find it revealing (and amusing) to ask the priest if he would preach this advice from the pulpit next Sunday or if his Bishop would agree with the [dissident] advice that he is giving. Then, I would at a minimum write the Bishop a letter and cc the priest (or vise or versa) if he persist in defending his bad advice.

I am sorry that this has created an issue in your marriage, which is easily understandable given how we are conditioned to trust our priests to properly shepherd those entrusted to their care. Quite the violation and betrayal of trust if you have never encountered this before. I know, my wife and I have been there (and in some ways still recovering) from our experience of being given dissident advice by two “respected” and prominent priests–a bizarre and alarming experience to have a priest going through the menu of contraceptive/sterilization sin options as a kindly “pastoral solution” given our marital situation. Bye the way: I wrote the Bishop a very detailed letter reporting my experience.

 

[Darrel]

AlanFromWichita:

Then that priest is on very thin ice and needs our prayers. Just imagine being in his shoes on judgment day.

Alan

This seems a little off center to me. I agree we should pray for him and I agree hes on thin ice. I think this needs to be reported to the Church. If 2 people got the same advice to do the same wrong thing it is prudent to assume that there is at least some potential that this guy is doing other things as well. If you write a polite letter and nothing happens then you have done your part.

-D

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Darrel:

I agree we should pray for him and I agree hes on thin ice.

Thank you. Jesus forgave all for they knew not what they did.

I think this needs to be reported to the Church. If 2 people got the same advice to do the same wrong thing it is prudent to assume that there is at least some potential that this guy is doing other things as well. If you write a polite letter and nothing happens then you have done your part.

-D

Right, and I have not ruled it out. I guess naming names to a boss when you think the employee is not running the place right is not really out of line, either.

Alan