Baptism and Family Drama

[amor2009]

I am expecting my first child later this year.

We have mentioned that s/he will be baptized next year, and have already chosen a Godmother.

I have one sister who “assumed” she was going to be the Godmother, simply because I am the Godmother of her oldest child. This election was made eight years ago.

The person we elected is closer to us than my own sister, and has her life more “together” than my sibling. She was my Godmother/Sponsor for our wedding, and did a terrible job back then. She came in late for Church rehearsal, did not even put a single thought on her toast, and was much preoccupied with her own things than with it been my husband’s and I special day.

My sister ended her marriage after commiting adultery on her husband, then blaming it on a broken marriage and spouse abuse. She works and travels much, has very little available time for her children. My parents moved with her in order to help raise the kids. This is something of a delicate issue with her because my mother is going to move here for a while to help out a bit when I have mine.

The problem is that, since she made this assumption, knowing now that she is not the chosen one, she is acting hurt and once again, as if this world moved around her. To me is sad not to be able to make everyone happy, but I am also hormonal and shouldn’t be burdened with any of these problems and drama.

I am to see my family in about two weeks, and I know the subject will come up. Does anyone have any good advice on how to say things with as little hurt as possible?-]/-]

 

[purplesunshine]

Since you state you’re visiting I’m going to assume that they are far away.

you could be firm say its a matter of your choice based on the fact your friend lives closer and is communion with the church. I doubt this would go over well becuase sis dosn’t seem the type who accepts when truth is laid down in front of her.

you could also have your child baptized where your sister lives, have your sister be proxy, and have your friend be the actual godparent. If your sister is as superficial as she sounds she should be appeased by that.

Otherwise bring hubby and have him be the bad guy. Start to sniffle and cry and let him tell sis not to bully you.

Or just say you’re catholic and plan on having many more and dodge the subject for a few years.

 

[Sr_Sally]

It seems like you’ve already said plenty. If the child is not due until the end of the year (six more months) there is no reason to bring up the baptism or your mother’s visit at this time. Please do be sure to contact your parish and begin your parent classes for baptism now though. Most parishes would like that much notice for a first child. Later, if your sister starts in on this topic you can simply state that your priest is happy with the person you’ve chosen. Which, presumably, he will be.

Also, during this visit or in general when talking to your family, please don’t bring up and rehash your sister’s shortcomings. Pray for her regularly and be sympathetic to the difficulties of being a single parent, however that came about. Your nieces and nephews need your support and your grandparents care at this time. Thank God that your own child will be born into a loving, devout family!

 

[SamH]

I am to see my family in about two weeks, and I know the subject will come up. Does anyone have any good advice on how to say things with as little hurt as possible?-]/-]

Tell them your sister and will not be the godmother and then begin to wail in an inconsolable way. You’ll be surprised how fast they drop the subject…

 

[Em_in_FL]

I would deal with this situation on two fronts.

First off… mend your hard feelings for your sister. Forgive her. It sounds like she has a difficult life filled with pain. Let her know you love her. Be her friend and let her into your life. You blame her for a bad wedding toast and blame her for her marriage falling apart. Do you really know the whole story? Do not exclude the sinner… WWJD?

However, do not make your choice of Godparent contingent on your affection toward your sister. Your choice has to do with who will be involved in your child’s life and be a positive influence in the faith. When your family comes to visit I would just kindly mention that you have close friends at your local parish that you feel drawn to including in your life. This doesn’t mean that you’re pushing your sister away (re-read that first paragraph) or replacing her in this new friendship. In fact, I encourage you to rekindle your relationship with your sister. You know, by being a good influence on your sister and loving her you may be the instrument that brings her back to the faith. But, if you continue to ignore her because of past hurts, you also could be the instrument that pushes her further away due to this Baptism issue.

Choose the Godparent you think are right for the job… but don’t abandon your sister.

 

[amor2009]

Thank you all for your responses. These give me encouraging strength to see things from outside my world.

When my sister told my mother, and then some friends, and then me, about her adultery, I tried to be as helpful as possible. I invited them to a local Church in their community, sent them (husband and wife) a book and listings on marriage therapy, and it all backfired bc my sister thought I was trying to “sabotage” her new relationship. She even called me at home and cell, left very nasty messages, and made me think that something evil came upon her.

We have talked and reestablished our relationship since then, but I always have to be cautious, because she seems to be the one who “knows it all”, and will not accept criticism or a “no” for an answer. I am happy she’s seeing a therapist, but is still seeing that person she committed adultery with, who happens to be married and her boss.

Those examples about my wedding were the ones I could relate about something that had to do with an important event in my life, and how she would mess it up by turning it around. I am not hurt by this anymore, but I have not forgotten about it.

My decision of a Godparent is based on trust, previous analysis and love. My cousin, the lady chosen to be the Godmother, has proven to be very close to us. She visits often, sends positive thoughts, and I’ve seen how incredible she is with her other one Godchild. I am talking about a woman who calls her Godchild every week, remembers important events in his life, visits whenever she goes back home, and has established a close relationship with his parents, teachers, even his doctors (the boy is Autistic).

Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your warm responses!

God bless!