Baptism for children in family with invalid marriage

[Mary_s_Lamb]

My brother was married in the catholic church, divorced, and remarried in a civil ceremony. when he and his wife had children they were told that the children could not be baptized because it was an invalid marriage. Is this true? I know of many families in our parish where the parents abstain from communion , themselves because of an invalid marriage. But their children receive the sacraments.

It may be that he is also non practicing, in that he doesn’t go to mass any more since the divorce. But I know of many families where the kids are in CCD only to get their sacraments. Then they never go to mass.

Should the children be punished because of the sins of the parents?

He feels that he does not have any grounds for an annulment because he believes that he was adequately prepared for marriage. However, he is hearing rumors that his ex wife is living with a woman. And it has been suggested to him that they are more than roommates. If she is gay is this grounds for an annulment?

He is difficult to discuss faith matters with. He feels like the church abandoned him. Even though he left the church. What advice do you have in how to talk to him. I do pray for him daily.

Thanks for your advice.

 

[Katholish]

If the priest or deacon does not think that a child can be sufficiently raised in the Catholic Faith, it is their duty to refuse the sacrament unless there is a case of necessity. If the parent is not practicing the Catholic Faith or does not accept the Church’s teaching, the fear of the child not being brought up Catholic may be quite valid.

If a parent is living in a state of Mortal Sin, this should not alone deter a priest or deacon from administering the sacrament if they thought that the child could be adequately raised in the Faith. I do not know if a priest would make a decision to bar a child from Baptism simply based on the fact that a particular sin is public and no sign of contrition is forthcoming. However, if the parents argued that there was nothing wrong with their lifestyle which was in reality public scandal, then I could see the justification a decision not to grant the sacrament because if the parents don’t believe in the Church and her teachings, how can they pass on this belief to their children?

 

[Mary_s_Lamb]

It just seems like the children are the one’s being punished. I feel that if the pastor had allowed the baptism, it would have helped my brother to return to the faith, for their benefit. Now he feels like they are not welcome under any circumstances.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

See Canon Law

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

 

[UtahMaggie]

Mary's Lamb:

It just seems like the children are the one’s being punished. I feel that if the pastor had allowed the baptism, it would have helped my brother to return to the faith, for their benefit. Now he feels like they are not welcome under any circumstances.

I have never heard of an invalid marriage being the reason for refusing to baptise a child. My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony before we had our marriage blessed. Our children were both baptized and my son received his First Holy Communion before our marriage was blessed. Perhaps your brother could ask another priest for his opinion. I agree that the children are being punished and I can’t believe an invalid marriage being the only reason. Please keep us posted.

Peace,
Maggie

 

[stbruno]

My spouse and I have been doing baptism prep for two different parishes for over five years now. If invalid marriages was the criteria for postponing baptism of children, these parishes would probably only be able to baptize 10-15% of the infants presented.

However, when we do our baptism prep, we strongly point out the church’s reasons for being in sacramental marriages, as the best way for children to be raised in a truly Catholic way. The graces of a sacramental marriage cannot be understated either. Unless the parents are in a sacramental marriage, they cannot participate fully with their children in the reception of their sacraments. We also provide information in how and what steps they need to pursue in validating their own marriages or even getting married rather than living together without the benefit of any marriage vows. It takes prudence, compassion as well as confidence in handling these situations. Poor catechesis, secular acceptance and lack of a desire of marriage preparation that seems to be the primary reasons people have opted out of getting married in a Catholic church.

We remind them in a sacramental marriage, their vows are not until they get bored or fall of love rather, until death do us part. And the object of a sacramental marriage’s goal is not personal pleasure or comfort, but for both spouses to get to heaven together. Prayers are in order for our chidren.

But as Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me,” bring your children to be baptized. Keep the promise you make at their baptism, to bring them up as true Catholics.

 

[otm]

Your feelings about the children being punished is very understandable. It is also a very emotional response to a very emotional issue. I am sure theis is very hard on you; were it not, you would be hard-hearted.

Your brother may have any number of feelings about the issue, and most likely does. However, he needs to sort out the truth, from his feelings; if for no other reason than the fact that many of our “feelings” when we are wrong and have committed sin, are our defenses against admitting that we are wrong. It always seems to be someone else’s fault…

It is not the Church which is punishing the children; it is your brother. As long as he is obstinate in not trying to reconcile with the Church, his heart is not changing. And having raised two children of my own, I can state with experience that kids have an amazing radar detector (also known as a bs detector) when it comes to adults’ honesty. And priest shopping isn’t going to resolve your brother’s position. Applying for an annullment might. Prayer might. Pushing him, and making him feel guilty probabl;y won’t.

I am not surprised that he might feel that the Church abandoned him. It is much easier to blame it on someoneelse than accept responsibility for one’s own choices.

What kind of questions do you think the children are asking, who are taken to CCD, but then not to Mass? Or taken to Mass, and the parents don’t go? Or go inconsistently? Or don’t receive Communion?

As long as your brother wants to “see” things his way, he won’t go back. I doubt he knows enough about annullments to be able to make any decision. But unless and until he lets go of his pride and asks for help, none will be forced on him. And what is there to think that if the childrent could be baptized, he would change? Why would he change? He could just as easily say “the kids are taken care of; now I have no need to change”.

 

[puzzleannie]

when parents approach the parish to inquire about baptism for their child, the first person they will encounter is usually the secretary. She will quote them the “rules” as they stand, which unfortunately are complex enough to be easily misunderstood. Parents with any question about their own situation should insist on speaking with the priest or deacon who will be doing the baptism to make sure they understand clearly what is required.

the sacrament is never refused when honestly requested, but may be delayed with good reason, but that decision can only be made by the pastor, not by a secretary. It is not required that the parents be married in the church if they consent and if there is a reasonable expectation that the child will be raised Catholic. However, if the pastor discerns good reason, he may delay the baptism, usually to have opportunity to make sure there is consent and that reasonable expectation.

sponsors, if married, must be married in the church. Must be adult Catholics fully initiated living in harmony with Church teaching including that on marriage.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

puzzleannie:

when parents approach the parish to inquire about baptism for their child, the first person they will encounter is usually the secretary. She will quote them the “rules” as they stand, which unfortunately are complex enough to be easily misunderstood. Parents with any question about their own situation should insist on speaking with the priest or deacon who will be doing the baptism to make sure they understand clearly what is required.
. . . .

That is why in our parish the secretary has been forbidden to give any advice. She just gives them directions to the next pre-baptismal class, run by one of the deacons, and told to take all their questions there.

 

[kaymart]

As long as there are good standing Godparents, there should be no problem. Years ago a baby was born to an unwed mother, who had an affair with a married man. She was truly sorry and asked to have her newborn son Baptised after several refusals she found a Priest that Baptised him along with two upstanding Catholics as Godparents. To make a long story short that little boy became a Priest and made his mother proud.