Battling Impurity -- And Feeling Lost Because Of It

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ned93
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Hello Ned93,
Perhaps you may want to look at it in another way.
You have a strong sex drive. The thing is forgiveness, as well as replacing one habit with another.
I’m sure you’ve come across a passage in Scripture where Jesus tells Peter he has to forgive 70 times 7. So when you go to reconciliation, you will receive forgiveness.
What happens if you don’t incur the custom mentioned, if you don’t give in? It seems like there are 2 parts: the occasion of sin, prompted by certain sites, and then the weak custom.
If you avoid the sites, you will minimize the temptation.
The other point, is what you use your hands for. If you let your hands rest on your side, or on a keyboard, or holding a rosary, even if your mind is racing into sin, most likely, nothing will happen.
If a man does not give in, eventually there will be a ‘night pollution’, also known as a ‘wet dream’. The man has to use the restroom, wipe clean and go back to sleep. It is as simple as this. In this case, there is no sin involved.
Is there any shame in wiping or washing, and going back to sleep?
The weak custom mentioned, is simply a sign that you are very ‘potent’. It does not detract from your manhood.
There is a valuable, ancient prayer, that may assist you in your efforts. It is known as the Jesus Prayer. It is used by hesychasts.
“Lord Jesus Christ,
Son of God,
have mercy on me,
a sinner”.
There are several variations on this.
You can use a rosary to pray this, before or during your internet searches.
You can also look for a chotki, also known as a komvoschinion. It is a long cord with many knots, used by Eastern Rite persons, Orthodox and Catholic, for prayers.
I’ll keep you in my night prayers, during the remainder of this year, if you don’t mind.
1463Mark
 
Thanks you all very much for your replies (and your prayers, Mark!). I’ve read them all and appreciate the prayers, advice and guidance.

I know God forgives me, and I guess my hormones may be a little crazy now. I if I wanted to look at it a better way, I should be happy I am fighting this fight at all. I hate masturbation, porn and all the evil that comes with it. I always have, no matter how many times I give in. I am never happy after I fall, and go through intense guilt and shame until I feel I’ve built myself up. I guess I need to focus on prayer and accepting God’s mercy. If God forgives me, then why should I still feel guilt and shame? I need to celebrate God’s never-ending mercy.

Another thing that worries me is all that’s going on in my life. School, exams, colleges, jobs etc. All this can be very stressful, and I want to find peace with God. As I mentioned before, I have tried to be a good follower of Jesus all my life. I just want to know that Jesus will guide me thorugh all my school, college and other “worldly” struggles.

I worry that after battling this for so long, and failing so much, perhaps I am pushing God and all His guidance and blessings away from me? I just don’t want to go into college and face all those distractions (busier schedule, more stress) and feel like because of my years of battling masturbating and porn that God won’t bless and guide me. More importantly, I want the life God wants for me. I worry that I can’t have that life or serve God if I still am fighting masturbation.

I’ve always tried to do the right thing. I have made some progress. Unlike years past, I no longer face tough battles w/ masturbation daily. It’s generally about a week before I start having bad thoughts, and then days later the actions follow. Recently I have been able to go two, three or even four weeks, but then I fall. I feel like all my “progress” has been wiped clean and I start all over.

.
 
Ned93 said:
(Sorry for the long post)

So I’ve been dealing with Masturbation for nearly 5 years (I’m 18 now). I didn’t realize it was a sin at first, but I quickly became aware of it soon after. I’ve been trying to stop for 3 or 4 years now—which actually seems much longer than that—but have always failed. I’ve confessed the sin, and within two weeks do it again.

Early on I would commit this sin daily, but after a couple years cut it down to about once a week. I had good weeks followed by bad weeks for quite some time. Recently, I thought I had been making some major progress. I went over 5 weeks before falling for a couple days. I built myself back up and had a good week, but fell once again.

I’ve read the posts on how to avoid and overcome this habit, and they’ve all been helpful and I’ve tried them all. My issue is this: How quick is God to forgive? Will he show mercy even when I struggle with the same thing for a long period of time?

Each time I fail, I quickly ask for forgiveness and pray. I get to confession when I can, and I attend mass weekly. But over the years, the process repeats itself.

Good weeks or even months seem to be washed out by two or three bad days. I pray, I beg for mercy and build myself back up where I fall again. I keep track of how many consecutive days I’ve been clean, then I fall down and the streak snaps at 33 days and I start all over. I get frustrated because I feel like I need to go another 33 days before I start to make more progress and show God my effort.

I’m 18, was raised in a devout catholic household, receive the sacraments, pray, read the bible, and attend mass. I feel like I should know better by now.

I know God forgives, I know nobody is perfect but I really beat myself up when I fail. I know I should avoid the computer, because I know what follows, but I fail. At this point, I’m kind of sick of fighting the same battle over and over. I always get to confession when I can, but in the meantime (and after) I still feel like I can’t win.

I know what leads me into sin, but sometimes I just walk into it anyway. I feel like when I do this I’m not a good follower of Jesus because, in the past, I have been able to overcome this sin. I feel like I am just choosing to Mas. , and not trusting God or loving Jesus enough to overcome it.

I think I am being way too hard on myself, but I just feel lost at this point.
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I swear you are telling my story word for word except for your age and gender . The longest I’ve gone is 2 months. I was about to throw in the towel but your courage and determination helped me realize I need to keep trying.

I’m meeting with a priest tomorrow and seeing what else will help me. I work long hours, am recently divorced, and very lonely. For me the grief is an aching that it seems to alleviate but only for a moment.

I know there are things that help. If laying in bed is a trigger don’t do it. Only go to bed to sleep. If certain websites are, figure out a way to block them. I know accountability is key. When I don’t want to Confess that’s Satan trying to make it more secret (which always results in benders for me).

Hang in there and draw closer to the Blessed Mother, she’s the model of purity we need to follow. As I find out more, I will certainly share it. I’m praying for you–pray for me too.

God bless.
 
Irishgal49 said:
Hang in there and draw closer to the Blessed Mother, she’s the model of purity we need to follow. As I find out more, I will certainly share it. I’m praying for you–pray for me too.

God bless.
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Thanks Irishgal. You are in my prayers as well.
 
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