Dear brother, may the Lord bless you, Our Lady strengthen you and console you, and may the Holy Spirit grant you the peace of the children of the Living God!
Please be at peace - your vocation is about here and now, not about tomorrow.
Your vocation is to become a saint, an alter Christus.
That is your universal vocation.
Now your particular vocation will be an invitation extended by our Lord, either to married life or to consecrated life (religious, priesthood).
Both of these include the blessing of fatherhood (or motherhood) and bringing forth holy children of God, though in different ways.
Therefore the words “no family” cannot in any way proceed from the Spirit of Christ.
Because in Christ we belong to the Sanctorum Communionem, that is to say, Christ’s very family. And our specific vocation will always and specifically involve having a family - “As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it. For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will be united to his bride and the two shall become one”. This also applies to consecrated life! Remember the words of St. Paul: <<I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. Oh, my dear children! I feel as if I’m going through labor pains for you again, and they will continue until Christ is fully developed in your lives.>> and St. John: <<I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.>> In fact, you already belong to the most exalted family, for <<to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God>> and <<you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”>> <<You are all children of the light and children of the day. >>
Your distress, anguish, and passionate reaction to the thought of becoming a priest, crying and feeling even physical distress, also does not hint at the touch of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is docile. St. Ignatius of Loyola teaches concerning the discernment of spirits:
<<*It is proper to God and to His Angels in their movements to give true spiritual gladness and joy, taking away all sadness and disturbance which the enemy brings on.
If in the course of the thoughts which he brings it ends in something bad, of a distracting tendency, or less good than what the soul had previously proposed to do, or if it weakens it or disquiets or disturbs the soul, taking away its peace, tranquillity and quiet, which it had before, it is a clear sign that it proceeds from the evil spirit, enemy of our profit and eternal salvation.
In those who go on from good to better, the good Angel touches such soul sweetly, lightly and gently, like a drop of water which enters into a sponge; and the evil touches it sharply and with noise and disquiet, as when the drop of water falls on the stone. *>>
Your particular vocation is not something that Christ will impose upon you in any way. It is a gentle invitation. One meant to bring you the greatest possible fulfillment in life. It may be hard and a big cross to carry, but one that you will be most satisfied in carrying, for it will be your will in unison with the Father’s will.
Your particular vocation requires prayerful discernment. This is done by peaceful resignation and abandonment to the Divine Will (discerning God’s will through the veil of secondary causes). By prayer (especially the Holy Rosary) and Adoration. By a serene and simple sacramental life (confession every 1 or 2 weeks, Holy Communion every Sunday and if possible during the week, if not daily). Especially by prayer in Adoration, where you contemplate Christ’s countenance under the veil and He fills your heart with His love. Make note of your talents and desires and inspirations! These, too, reveal your vocation.
This is also done through the prayer of the Church. In two ways.
First, through the voice of the People of God. Pay attention to those around you. Do they underscore some particular gift, ability, quality? Have they ever made remarks concerning your becoming a father, a parent, a priest, a religious? Make note of all such positive remarks.
Second, through the voice of the Ministers of Christ, who act in the place of Christ. You need, dear brother, a spiritual director to discern your vocation. No seminary and no religious order would - as far as I know - accept a candidate who has not had spiritual direction first. And I think no priest should agree to a Holy Matrimony without this either! Spiritual direction is not a huge deal. Do you have a confessor to whom you confess often? It is good to not change confessor often. In any case, if you do, open your heart to him, tell him you feel the Lord may be inviting you to the priesthood, and ask him to direct you. If you do not have a specific confessor, is there a priest or a religious whom you particularly admire for his devotion and piety and orthodoxy? Go to him, and tell him the same, and that you are drawn to him for spiritual direction.
