Becoming catholic and my 1st confession

[twinsx2]

I am really nervous about my fist confession. I am going through RCIA classes and I need to make my first confession soon. I don’t really know what I am supposed to confess to though. For example: if I really like my neighbors car… am I supposed to confess to that? Also, I have two sets of twins which were conceived with fertility drugs… that’s a sin right? but I didn’t know that I was committing a sin so do I have to confess to that? I’m really just unsure of what I’m doing. I know that after I do it a few times that it will get easier but this first one is super nerve racking. Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Jenny

 

[baltobetsy]

Hi, and welcome to the Church!

You have to confess all the mortal sins that you committed knowing full well that what you were doing was seriously wrong and choosing freely to do so anyway. If you did something innocently and found out later that it was wrong, it did not become sinful retroactively. It will be sinful for you all the time after you come to understand that it’s wrong.

If you like your neighbor’s car, it’s not sinful unless it saddens you that he has it and you don’t and perhaps that you’re planning a way to steal it from him or wreck it so he can’t enjoy it either. Saying, wow, that’s a great car - maybe I’ll get one like it next time, is not sinful. Saying, I can’t stand that pompous so-and-so, and now that he’s got the car that I’ve always wanted, it’s just too much, so I’m going to scratch up his paint job with my keys - That would be sinful.

Not all fertility treatments are immoral. If you sincerely did not know at the time that what you did was immoral, it was not a sin for you. It may not have been sinful at all, depending on the treatment. It might be worth discussing in your first confession, just to clarify things for yourself.

There’s a good examination of conscience at catholicparents.org/oxcart/examination.html . It gives a good distinction betweeen examples of mortal and venial sins. Watch out - it links to a PDF file - they always goof up my computer. Don’t be overwhelmed with it, even though it’s very comprehensive. It’s mainly a learning tool.

Nervousness over first confession is universal. So is extreme happiness once it’s done - people feel as if they are floating on a cloud. It’s so worth it!

Betsy

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I think going to confession for the first time is one of the hardest things people do. I know that for as much as I try to put people’s minds at ease, they still worry hugely. But ultimately they get through that first experience and it does get easier with practice. (Though I never find it easy to look at the places I’ve failed and have to admit them to someone else.)

If you Google “examination of conscience” you will get more hits than you could ever use. Here are a few:

frpat.com/examen.htm
scborromeo.org/confess.htm
catholic-pages.com/penance/examine.asp

As you look over these questions you’ll find certain ones that prick your conscience. Those are the ones to confess. If you’re unsure, then feel free to ask the priest to help you figure them out.

Admiring your neighbor’s car is one thing. If it spills over to hating him because he was able to buy it, then that’s something else. As far as I know fertility drugs are allowed so I don’t think there’s a problem there at all (IVF is a completely different matter), but again, you can discuss it with your priest.

Also keep in mind that in order to commit a mortal sin you have to know it’s a sin and choose to do it anyway.

I love the prayer of absolution that is said during confession:

God, the Father of mercies,
through the death and the resurrection of his Son
has reconciled the world to himself
and sent the Holy Spirit among us
for the forgiveness of sins;
through the ministry of the Church
may God give you pardon and peace,
and I absolve you from your sins
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

What does it say about God’s relationship with us and mercy toward us that we use “Father of Mercies” as a title for him? We confess our sins and he gives us pardon and peace. What more could we ask?

 

[tinalewis]

One thing that really helped me for my first Reconciliation was going to a priest I had grown to know and admire. He knew me well enough to be able to assure me in areas and also to encourage me in others. For me, it would have been difficult to go to a priest who didn’t know me from the lady down the street, so to speak.

So, it might help you to chose the priest that you’re closest to and who knows you. I don’t believe that an RCIA instructor can tell you that you MUST go to a certain priest for your first confession. It should be your choice.

And know that after the first time, it gets easier!

 

[Spencerian]

I am really nervous about my fist confession. I am going through RCIA classes and I need to make my first confession soon. I don’t really know what I am supposed to confess to though. For example: if I really like my neighbors car… am I supposed to confess to that? Also, I have two sets of twins which were conceived with fertility drugs… that’s a sin right? but I didn’t know that I was committing a sin so do I have to confess to that? I’m really just unsure of what I’m doing. I know that after I do it a few times that it will get easier but this first one is super nerve racking. Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Jenny

Hi, and welcome to the Church!

I’ll add a special caveat to what others have said.

If you are an ***elect ***(catechumen–an unbaptized entrant) who will be baptized this Easter, it will not be necessary, canonically speaking, to confess any mortal sins that occurred prior to your baptism, which is a one-time removal of ALL sin, including the taint of original sin. I appreciated this myself as a catechumen in my first confession.

(NB: Personally I had sorrow for some of my past mortal sins after baptism, so, in a later confession, I did bring these up specifically although they were officially absolved. This may be a helpful thing to do provided you note to the priest why you are returning to discuss these sins. Doing so helped me greatly.)

Now, for any mortal sins **after **baptism, yes, confession is needed. So, if you are converting from a Christian faith with a valid baptism AND you have been baptized, again, a confession that’s as complete as you can make it is appropriate.

Don’t get too befuddled in confession. Let the priest know that you are converting and your baptismal state, and he will guide you without requiring you to go through an extensive list. Your state of mind in being contrite is more important than making a solid list.

 

[Joe_5859]

You’ve received some wonderful feedback so far. I would just highlight the fact that the priest will be more than capable to guide you through the process! If you’re not sure, it never hurts to ask the priest about it. It helps the learning process.

Not all fertility treatments are sinful. Most of the sinful ones have to do with separating procreation from the marital act (i.e. in vitro fertilization). Simply taking a drug to help increase your chances to conceive naturally is probably okay (I say “probably” in case I am overlooking something). In any case, just ask the priest about it and he’ll let you know.

 

[aspirant]

I don’t really know what I am supposed to confess to though.

If you now know the action to be a serious matter and, at the time, you freely and deliberately did the act while knowing it to be wrong, confess it. You confess, to the best of your ability, the kinds of sins you have committed (e.g. “I stole”) and the number/frequency (e.g. “on one occasion” or “weekly for the past several years”).

For example: if I really like my neighbors car… am I supposed to confess to that?

Liking your neighbor’s car is not a sin at all.

Being envious of your neighbor’s car, on the other hand, would be a sin. Envy is “sadness at the sight of another’s goods and the immoderate desire to acquire them for oneself, even unjustly.” Envy occurs when “joy caused by the misfortune of a neighbor, and displeasure caused by his prosperity.” Envy wishes things like “I’d rather the car was utterly destroyed than that she would own it instead of me!” or “I deserve that car and she doesn’t. I wish my neighbor would break her leg so she couldn’t drive that car!” or “Ha! I’m happy she did break her leg and cannot drive the car!” etc.

For more on this, check out what the Catechism says about the 10th Commandment.

Also, I have two sets of twins which were conceived with fertility drugs… that’s a sin right?

I don’t know what you mean by “fertility drugs.” If you mean that you conceived while taking contraceptives, for example, taking contraceptives is gravely immoral. If you mean that you conceived while taking drugs that assist conception by natural means, there is nothing wrong with that. If you conceived by unnatural means, like IVF, that would be gravely immoral…

but I didn’t know that I was committing a sin so do I have to confess to that?

Not knowing an act to be wrong reduces culpability. In order for a sin to be mortal, you have to know it is wrong. You may want to confess some venial sins anyway, though, just to make a clean break.

Any suggestions?

Do a good examination of conscience and do not worry. A good confession is a great experience.