Being close to Mary

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aliciaf

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Hi,

I am not sure where to post this, so I hope this is ok.

I am a wife and mother and have children in college and some younger ones at home.

My mother has problems with alcohol that caused great havoc in our family. I know she loves my siblings and me and she tried to do what she could but she never sought help to get over her drinking. My dad stuck by, but did not demand that she seek help. Thankfully, she finally cut back, due to some health scares.

Ever since I became an adult, my mom has never helped my siblings or me and is just not the type of person to offer any support. She says she loves our children, but has never become close to any of them. One time when I was telling her a story about my second son, she said that she really didn’t know him. The way she said it was not regretful, but just an observation she was making.

My dad tries to be close to us, but he would never criticize my mom for her behavior.

My siblings and I are all very sad and also angry about this. We don’t want to be angry, and we know that our mom doesn’t intend any malice towards us, but we often talk about it together, because we need to vent our feelings. We all feel that our discussions end up being complaining and gossip. I have confessed this and asked the priest how to stop being angry with my mom. He said that maybe she is not capable of giving more, and I know that he is right.

Lately, I have been thinking that I am called to become closer to Mary and to rely on her as my spiritual mother. I have been saying many Hail Marys and just talking to her directly and I feel that it calms me very much to do so.

Is this an indication that I am being called to be closer to Our Lady? Could God have given me my situation with my mother as a way of calling me closer to the mother of our Savior? Also, to train me in how to be close with my own children? I would so much appreciate some advice on this.

Thank you.

In Christ,
Aly
 
I would say so. After all, John Paul II adopted Mary as his spiritual mother when his own mother died.

I think you’re on the right track with saying Hail Mary’s and just generally talking to her. But I think the best way to grow with Mary is in the Rosary. Have you ever heard of the 15 Promises of the Rosary? (ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/15promise.htm)

Also, maybe you would relate more to the 7 Sorrows of the Blessed Mother. This is also a devotion and has promises (one of which involves the family). (7dolors.com/sevendolors.htm)

I suggest you look into those. And even if you’re not being ‘called’, having a deep relationship with Mary and her Son never hurts 👍
 
Aly,
Perhaps you should look for an “Adult Children of Alcoholics” Group. There you could discuss the situation with others who can relate to your problem. And it would be in a support group setting instead of gossiping.

Getting closer to Mary is always a good idea. And she can help you to be a better mother, yourself.
Peace!
Jane
 
I would be fairly sure that the problems lies with your mother’s own family life. I was brought up in a very ‘cold’ household, my parents hardly communicated with each other and my father rarely interacted with me or my siblings. This left its mark on me though I was not really aware of it for years. I considered my attitude to my own children to be normal, it being much more hands on than the parenting I received, but my wife is and always has been much closer to our children (now adult) and looking back I can see that sometimes I acted like my own father.
Forgive her as fully as you can and keep doing so until you have completed the process, don’t expect anything from her and you won’t be disappointed.
My parents are now dead and I often wish that I could have forgiven them fully while they were alive (I didn’t), they were the products of their backgrounds too and I know that they were hard and probably much harder than I know.
 
thanks OP for sharing, many of us can identify with this. My guess is that perhaps for some of the same reasons behind her drinking, your mother simply lacks the brain chemical, enzyme, nerve synapse, whatever it is that allows empathy and emotional response to her children. I call it the mother cat effect. After they are done doing what has to be done, one day the kick the kittens out of the box and off the free food and go their own way.

I am more convinced the older I get, the more time I spend with other women who are working through the lumps and bumps in their relationships with their mothers–and daughters–that you are right on and relationship with Mary is the path to healing these other relationships.
 
Hi Aly,

I’m sorry for your situation with your mother. Your new relationship with our Blessed Virgin Mary will help you more than you can imagine right now.

Christ gave the Blessed Virgin to all of us right before He died on the cross. Our Blessed Mother represents the most perfect mother just as Jesus is the perfect man. She was with Jesus from conception to His death on the cross. She was heavily involved in His earthly ministry. Because of the important role she played in the life of our Savior He took her body and soul immediately into Heaven when it was her time. She is also the Queen of Heaven and Earth. We believe her chief mission is to act as our Mediatrix with Christ and help provide us Grace to get through our earthly journey and finally make it to Heaven. Our relationship with Mary will always lead us to Jesus.

For whatever reason you have this special calling to the Blessed Virgin please continue to nurture that relationship. As a previous poster said start praying the Rosary and/or the Sorrowful Devotion. Continue to talk with her. She is the most fantastic woman God created. It makes sense that would be the case for her to be the Mother of God. She will help you to be a great mother and draw you and your family to Jesus.

Please download a pdf article (I don’t know how to post the link on here) written by St. Louis de Montford – The Secret of Mary. It was one of the most amazing pieces I have ever read about having a relationship with our Blessed Virgin (only 12 pages). In the article he discusses things like – God chose her to be the treasurer, the administrator and the dispenser of all his graces, so that all his graces and gifts pass through her hands. Such is the power that she has received from him that, according to St Bernardine, she gives the graces of the eternal Father, the virtues of Jesus Christ, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit to whom she wills, as and when she wills, and as much as she wills.

I hope you and your siblings and family feel better over time. I’m confident that trusting in our Blessed Mother will take you on the path directly to Jesus.

Also listen to Father Corapi talk about Mary when you have a chance. Peace to you.
 
Hi OP,

I can’t answer if God gave you your mother to bring you closer to Mary. However, a smile came to my face as I read your post. Believe it or not, I found your post to be a pleasant surprise. A story of hope that God listens and he does help us.

I am very sorry about your relationship with your mom. However, (and I know this is no consolation only just and explanation) you might not see this but perhaps your mom’s dis-involvement with her grandchildren is because of the guilt she suffers from neglecting her own kids. I often hear grandparents say ‘I forgot how messy children are when they eat’ or make other statements which clearly indicate being a grandparent brings back memories of when their children were young

Everytime your mom see one of her grandchildren do something cute, she remembers when her children were young and cute and all she did was neglect them. If she is still drinking, she is not predisposed to forgiving herself.

Pray to God to show mercy on your mom and keep up your relationship with Mary

CM
 
Thank you so much, Everyone! I really appreciate all your responses.

I do pray the Rosary, though not regularly and I think I need to do that. I got away from Mary and the Saints when I began exploring Evangelical Christianity. Though I was raised as a Catholic and I always had a strong faith in God and loved Jesus (given to me by my parents) we never read the Bible. We were brought up to believe that we should (of course) always go to Mass and pray, but that the Bible was not our concern.

Later, a dear friend of mine who is a evangelical Christian showed me by her example (she never preached to anyone) that the Bible is important for everyone. I began to read and go to Bible study groups and listen to Christian radio. I really did develop a closer relationship to Jesus Christ, but I began to question many things about my Catholic faith including the Eucharist and Mary. Through God’s grace, after many years, I have been drawn back to the Catholic and also Eastern Orthodox faiths (my husband’s tradition). I won’t ramble on about this more here, because I know that I am in the wrong forum, but I pray constantly, that one day these two true faiths that were once one will be reunited.

Lastly, I did want to say that everything I wrote about my mother and our problems is true, but I am afraid that I mislead people to think that I am a suffering, melancholy person over this, and thankfully that is not the case! It is just one of my crosses to bear, and we all have those. Actually, my mother is unaware of the feelings my siblings and I have on this subject and we all get along with her and accept her as she is. I think that is the reason that we need to vent to each other sometimes. We do know that she loves us.

I will definitely read the article posted, and I listen daily to Catholic radio, which I praise God for. I love it so much. Again I thank everyone for their kind words and advice.

In Christ,
Alicia (Aly)
 
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