Belonging in church

[chasethemoon86]

I live in a small parish but a reservation full of catholics. I recently have gone back to church not on a sunday(husband works and no babysitter) but I make the Saturday mass at 6:30pm if I can. That being said I am just not feeling like I belong. The mass is usually done by the same people etc. but none of them are very nice outside of church. A few years ago I tried to do marriage classes but I felt it wasn’t geared towards us as our priest kept bringing up a family member who was married in the church but later divorced due to infidelity. It soured my stomach and I realized that I was not happy with it at all as I am way different but couldn’t say due to politeness. Last year I went back and even had my son baptized. At that same mass my daughter was trying to get her camera to work and tried to get a picture of us together. A guy walked by and said “oh you want proof that you were at church?” he laughed and walked away. it made me really angry and has stuck with me since then and I’ve even been going to church since. I feel like I made the wrong choice, the priest has his hands full with no help but his clique. I’m the youngest that goes to mass with my children and everyone is way older. I rarely see a person my age. I’m not having a crisis in faith(I’ve been trying to read the Bible and pray rosaries at home before bedtime). I kind of see why my husband and his family stopped going and why my grandma stopped going after a certain priest left. They all felt that they had a sense of not belonging to the parish when someone would either ignore them or be sarcastic in their comments. I’m feeling that same way as well.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

No real advice but I have definitely had to accept that parishes have their limits and lower my expectations as necessary in order to keep my faith going.

 

[Zaccheus]

Chasethemoon, it sounds like your family is unpopular and some people are mean-spirited about it.
Please remember that nobody who tries to obey Him is unpopular with God.

 

[Katie777]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I’ll say a prayer that it becomes easier for you to deal with this unkindness at your parish, and are able to push through it with the help of God’s grace.

For myself, I would focus my attention on Jesus and put blinders on to the behaviors of others at mass and church, even if it seems like exclusion from others. I would know I do not need or want thier approval. I’m not there for that, lol.

If someone feels the need to share thier wit through sarcasm perhaps actually thanking them for making you feel welcome will shut them down and end that.

 

[Mary888]

Yes this and maybe pray for them.
And remember the happiness as said by Jesus.
And remember that many saints, even bishops, were persecuted and distrusted by fellow people from inside the church. It isn’t new. Sometimes it happens.

 

[chieft]

Christ came to save sinners. I kind of expect some odd parishioners with that in mind. Luckily, no matter the parish, Sanctifying Grace is the same. Mass being a reverent event, I tune out those around me as required. My parish became more appealing when I began volunteering to straighten up and do light cleaning before Mass. I met some really amazing people. Got to know the priest a little better as well. Maybe, I find these kind of fun, take a “Pilgrimage Sunday” trip to nearby Catholic church.

 

[Lara]

Well I wasn’t there when your daughter was taking the photo, but I think that guy’s joke was funny. So you see, people’s sense of humor is vastly different. I wouldn’t worry too much about that guy. Maybe he was feeling a bit cheeky that day.

But as for belonging, that’s a big question. I’ve never looked for a sense of belonging at Church. It’s only one hour per week with a few minutes of chatting afterwards. In order to feel close to people, one needs to spend time with them. Church is a social interaction of sorts, but it isn’t much of a basis for friendship. Besides, often Catholics do not make the best friends. Bleeding heart liberals make much better friends. They side with you whenever you feel down, not challenging your perceptions, and give you money the minute you need it. lol!

But seriously, people choose friends whom they can learn from. And most Catholics don’t feel you can teach them much. But if you want to try, joining the choir could help, or the decorating committee.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

What makes me sad is this lack of belonging must be a barrier for a lot of folk. It’s one thing if you appreciate the Eucharist but for those who maybe only have a small seed of that faith the thought of having to attend a parish where no one talks to you must squash it for many.