L
lester_love
Guest
Hello,
My best friend since highschool (lets call him Jim), has always been a good friend to a degree. We have been in constant contact mostly because we have been playing video games online over the years since high school.
We shared plenty of laughs over the years, walks home from school, parties, playing online video games, snowboarding and other good times.
Although I consider Jim my best friend, he has let me down more times than I can count, and had betrayed me several times in pivotal moments in our younger years.
For example, in highschool we seemed to be almost inseparable. There was a group of guys that use to go home for lunch (at Bob’s house). One day Bob decided to single me out and kick me out of his house because his pettiness caused him to not like me as much as the other guys. Shocked by this event in my life, I totally expected my best friend Jim to stop going there too and spending lunch with me instead. Surprisingly the next day, Jim just went to Bob’s house and keep going there until the end of the year.
Time goes on… I forgive and forget… its the summer between highschool and university. Jim and me started hanging out with a new group of guys outside of school with similar interests. There was John, Vic, Jim and Me. We all hanged out and shared good times. One day a new guy, Tom moved into the building and started hanging out with us. Slowly the whole group dynamic changed and Tom was leading the pack. One day Tom decides there isn’t anymore space for me in the car. I go to Jim’s house to meet up with the rest of the guys. Tom arrives with John, Vic. Jim (my best friend) gets in the car and Tom tells me I can’t come along. My best friend Jim doesn’t seem to care at all, just tells me to go to Tom’s building by bus, as they will be going there later. They drive off, and Im left there standing like a complete fool. Disappointed I still give my BFF the benefit of the doubt and go to Tom’s building to wait for them. I wait 6 hours till almost midnight, when they finally comeback. Totally surprised to see me waiting there, Tom gives me and Jim an ride home.
A week later my friend says that they are going downtown Friday night. Tom will be picking us up at Jim’s house. So I go to Jim’s house to meet up with the guys. I buzz the lobby door, Jim opens the door, but when I get to his appartment, he is gone. He sneeked out the other exit, jumped in Tom’s car and just drove off.
Many years later … now…
Now my friend is dating his wife to be for several years now. He seemed to have improved as a friend since then, but our friendship seems to be declining again, because of his girlfriend. I don’t know her opinion of me, but I strongly suspect she is jealous of the rare times we spend together, and she forces him to change his behaviour towards me. Although we were in constant contact playing video games, he always had a million excuses to never hang out, despite living a block away…He would make a promise, would stall or change the promise and then just let me down by always canceling on me or just never getting back to me. I don’t know the exact dynamics of his relationship with his girlfriend, but it seems like he is always willing to kick me in the butt, as soon as an alternative arises.
Last week I gave my friend a gift for him and his girlfriend to share, as a sign of good faith and happiness for their good fortune. He thanked me and everything. The entire week after and counting, he hasn’t been able to spare me a single moment to even talk or play video games as we always do. Which is very unusual, knowing that I took vacation time off work.
What hurts me the most, is the total lack of loyalty from Jim at every opportunity. He has NEVER shown preference for me when presented with another option. He’s never even defended me in any situation, rather he just stabs me in the back along with the other people who are dealing me damage or just doesn’t say anything at all.
Despite all these events, We have a high degree of trust between each other (personal info and financial matters). Unfortunately I feel like when push comes to shove, he doesn’t really care about me. Im always the one trying to initiate contact and hanging out. Even when he is completely free.
I always try to be the best friend I can be, by being beyond accommodating, hospitable, patient, caring, interested, charitable, understanding and non-judgmental. But he never seems to truly appreciate my friendship, because he doesn’t even spare me any consideration in his daily / weekly / monthly / whatever events. There are plenty of opportunities were he can just call me up to go to the movies, out to eat or for a drink. But he never does.
If this friendship was to ever dissolve, I could honestly say that, I don’t have any friends left in my life other than my brother. It just scares me that Ive never met anybody in my life, that was truly dedicated/loyal to me. In contrast Ive experience more social mistreatment than the avg. person growing up and even in my youth. I am currently single and craving for friendship, but more importantly partnership with (my future/unmet) wife/life partner who is genuinely dedicated and me and our relationship only. While maintaining a healthy friendship with my friend Jim.
I feel like everything Ive worked hard to build in my younger years has almost evaporated and my extreme difficulties in finding my wife to be, have slowly sapped away at my spark in life. I have stopped seeing the point in doing anything exciting in life, if I always have to experience those events all alone.
My best friend since highschool (lets call him Jim), has always been a good friend to a degree. We have been in constant contact mostly because we have been playing video games online over the years since high school.
We shared plenty of laughs over the years, walks home from school, parties, playing online video games, snowboarding and other good times.
Although I consider Jim my best friend, he has let me down more times than I can count, and had betrayed me several times in pivotal moments in our younger years.
For example, in highschool we seemed to be almost inseparable. There was a group of guys that use to go home for lunch (at Bob’s house). One day Bob decided to single me out and kick me out of his house because his pettiness caused him to not like me as much as the other guys. Shocked by this event in my life, I totally expected my best friend Jim to stop going there too and spending lunch with me instead. Surprisingly the next day, Jim just went to Bob’s house and keep going there until the end of the year.
Time goes on… I forgive and forget… its the summer between highschool and university. Jim and me started hanging out with a new group of guys outside of school with similar interests. There was John, Vic, Jim and Me. We all hanged out and shared good times. One day a new guy, Tom moved into the building and started hanging out with us. Slowly the whole group dynamic changed and Tom was leading the pack. One day Tom decides there isn’t anymore space for me in the car. I go to Jim’s house to meet up with the rest of the guys. Tom arrives with John, Vic. Jim (my best friend) gets in the car and Tom tells me I can’t come along. My best friend Jim doesn’t seem to care at all, just tells me to go to Tom’s building by bus, as they will be going there later. They drive off, and Im left there standing like a complete fool. Disappointed I still give my BFF the benefit of the doubt and go to Tom’s building to wait for them. I wait 6 hours till almost midnight, when they finally comeback. Totally surprised to see me waiting there, Tom gives me and Jim an ride home.
A week later my friend says that they are going downtown Friday night. Tom will be picking us up at Jim’s house. So I go to Jim’s house to meet up with the guys. I buzz the lobby door, Jim opens the door, but when I get to his appartment, he is gone. He sneeked out the other exit, jumped in Tom’s car and just drove off.
Many years later … now…
Now my friend is dating his wife to be for several years now. He seemed to have improved as a friend since then, but our friendship seems to be declining again, because of his girlfriend. I don’t know her opinion of me, but I strongly suspect she is jealous of the rare times we spend together, and she forces him to change his behaviour towards me. Although we were in constant contact playing video games, he always had a million excuses to never hang out, despite living a block away…He would make a promise, would stall or change the promise and then just let me down by always canceling on me or just never getting back to me. I don’t know the exact dynamics of his relationship with his girlfriend, but it seems like he is always willing to kick me in the butt, as soon as an alternative arises.
Last week I gave my friend a gift for him and his girlfriend to share, as a sign of good faith and happiness for their good fortune. He thanked me and everything. The entire week after and counting, he hasn’t been able to spare me a single moment to even talk or play video games as we always do. Which is very unusual, knowing that I took vacation time off work.
What hurts me the most, is the total lack of loyalty from Jim at every opportunity. He has NEVER shown preference for me when presented with another option. He’s never even defended me in any situation, rather he just stabs me in the back along with the other people who are dealing me damage or just doesn’t say anything at all.
Despite all these events, We have a high degree of trust between each other (personal info and financial matters). Unfortunately I feel like when push comes to shove, he doesn’t really care about me. Im always the one trying to initiate contact and hanging out. Even when he is completely free.
I always try to be the best friend I can be, by being beyond accommodating, hospitable, patient, caring, interested, charitable, understanding and non-judgmental. But he never seems to truly appreciate my friendship, because he doesn’t even spare me any consideration in his daily / weekly / monthly / whatever events. There are plenty of opportunities were he can just call me up to go to the movies, out to eat or for a drink. But he never does.
If this friendship was to ever dissolve, I could honestly say that, I don’t have any friends left in my life other than my brother. It just scares me that Ive never met anybody in my life, that was truly dedicated/loyal to me. In contrast Ive experience more social mistreatment than the avg. person growing up and even in my youth. I am currently single and craving for friendship, but more importantly partnership with (my future/unmet) wife/life partner who is genuinely dedicated and me and our relationship only. While maintaining a healthy friendship with my friend Jim.
I feel like everything Ive worked hard to build in my younger years has almost evaporated and my extreme difficulties in finding my wife to be, have slowly sapped away at my spark in life. I have stopped seeing the point in doing anything exciting in life, if I always have to experience those events all alone.
