Between a rock (Dad) and a hard place (sister)

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Lost_Wanderer

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Okay, I’m kind of in a rush right now so I’ll try to make this quick. My sister has always had trouble attending this one class. Now, the worst has come and she’s been debarred from it because she now has one absence too many.

Along with this, her relationship with my father has been very sour. (Her having a boyfriend is one big factor but I really can’t explain too much in detail.) As of now, this recent event has made things worse.

He blames her for her failure because he thinks she fools around with her boyfriend too much. However, before y’all go siding with him, my sister says that this particular absence was incurred because her group mates gave her bad info on the class schedule on that particular day (something about them leaving her behind even when she arrived early).

I felt something was off, not from her, but from her class. Granted, I’m also pretty skeptical about how she’s been juggling college and her boyfriend. Still, she’s done enough for me to give her a pass. I’m just not sure if she’s lying this time. She’s always been having trouble organizing her group mates and all of a sudden, they give her bad info so that she ends up debarred. Suspicious.

Throw in the fact that I can’t exactly call my dad the epitome of moral character, I really have to take his judgment calls with a grain of salt. Why is this so, well let’s just say New Age moral relativism makes it hard for me to take his opinion on things seriously anymore.

However, he then tells me that when my sister came to him asking for help on filing a complaint against the class, he denies her and accuses her of lying. What’s surprising actually is that he actually gave me some proof right now to think about it.

See when he first denied my sister, she then ran to my mom who in turn tried to talk to him but Dad told me the story-version my Mom got was different than the one my sister gave him. Again, suspicious.

All in all, it’s as the title says. My sister really puts her trust in me and I really can’t say she’s done anything to me that would make me call her untrustworthy. However, I can’t exactly deny my Dad’s side (rare that might be these days).

What do I do? I don’t even want to take sides but I got two wanting me to. I really feel compelled to help my sister out but I don’t want to tick my Dad off either! >_<;;;
 
For me, I struggle very hard to not take sides when family members are in conflict. You have the right to get along with your dad and yours sister if you aren’t personally in conflict with either of them. Sometimes, if someone needs to vent about a person, I’ll listen so they don’t have to take it outside of the family. I believe a few family members talk to me less now because I wasn’t taking their sides, but that is unfairness on their parts, nothing I can do about that. I still really, really try to stay out of it. I just refuse to contribute to any more family drama than already exists.
 
1ke said:
Stay out of it.
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This.

And maybe THIS absense was due to her class mates, but your sister put herself in the position where one more absense would get her kicked from the class. You can listen to her complain, but don’t feel any need to take action on her part on this one… (and, really, why was she relying on the word of her group members rather than the syllabus?)
 
Yep, here’s what you say to your Dad:

“Dad, if you have a problem with Sis, please talk directly to her about it. I can’t help because it’s not my problem.” Repeat as necessary.

Here’s what you say to your sister:

“Sis, this is between you and Dad. I love you but I will not get between the two of you because then I will have a problem with Dad too.” Repeat as necessary.

I learned this lesson a long time ago when my sister and my father were living in the SAME TOWN, a very small town, yet each of them called me to complain about the other, when I lived TWO STATES AWAY!!!

:rolleyes:

Somehow trying to referee that day just brought me to the realization that they needed to work it out without me in the middle, so I told them both never to talk to me about the other one again. And if they started it, I would just go back to, “You know, Dad, you really need to talk to Sis about this, I can’t help you. How’s the weather been lately?” and the same with my sister.

Good luck, set your boundaries, stay detached.
 
My daughter had about average study skills throughout high school. When something happened like missing an assignment, sometimes she had a good excuse, and sometimes she had a lousy excuse (e.g., “I didn’t do my homework cause I couldn’t find a pencil.”).

Now that she’s in college, I gave her this advice: Nobody cares about your excuses any more. You are either going to succeed at college, and earn a diploma, or you are going to fail and come away empty handed. So take all the energy that you used to spend coming up with excuses for not doing things, and instead figure out how to get things done.

Needless to say, as far as the OP’s sister is concerned, I don’t see the point in arguing about how good her excuse is.
 
Well it would seem that the best thing is indeed to stay out of it. This is not only due to the thread’s response but also that my sister herself told me that I don’t have to worry about her. This was indeed her problem and she intends to solve it on her own.

Thanks for the advice everyone.
 
Do not let your Dad or sister suck you into their disagreement. They need to resolve it for themselves without a third party.
 
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