Bible study help - Parents older children relationship

[Chloe002]

I need help to find the right answers, please can you help me?

Bible says in Ephesians 6:1
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Barnes’s commentary:
*Original word “children” = τέκνα tekna *
This word usually signifies those who are young; but it is used here, evidently, to denote those who were under the care and government of their parents, or those who were not of age.

I cannot see the evidence, why it denotes that? It’s not necessarily a logical conclusion.

From another website:

Children (5043) (teknon from tikto = bring forth, bear children, be born) is strictly a child produced, male or female, son or daughter. Teknon is thus a child as viewed in relation to his or her parents or family. In the plural, teknon is used generically of descendants, posterity or children.
Note that another Greek word huios (5207), translated son, differs from teknon because the latter gives prominence to the fact of birth, whereas huios stresses the dignity and character of the relationship and usually speaks of one who is fully mature.

So the meaning of τέκνα tekna is not clear, it doesn’t determine a particular age.
Context makes difference, if someone says “children obey parents” you think about young children like 3 - 10 yo, that’s for a reason.

Catechism of the Catholic Church
2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family…As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them…

So Vatican’s interpretation is clear, but still an interpretation. How much the catechism has value compared to the Bible?

Considering this above, I would understand if for an older teen, like a 17yo, it’s a christian duty totally required by the Bible to always obey to any parents request, without exception and without complaints as it’s for young kids.
I’m not asking this because I’m looking for a way to disobey my parents, I would like to know which is the right way to be a true christian.
For example, for some reason my mom puts veggies I don’t really like in my plate and she tells me 17yo to eat them, then if I respectfully refuse or I just only complain, is this clearly an actual not christian thing, like an actual sin?
My mom always tells me if I wish to be a real woman of deep christian faith I should obey always, even if that is hard for me or I disagree with her, even still without complaining. So, I think she is right if that is about young kids but not about teens almost adults. What is the universal truth about that coming by the Bible?
I think the main point to answer this question is all about that “τέκνα tekna” meaning. Can you help me to understand that?

Still my question is not really about obedience, it’s about the way I feel knowing some behavior is wrong or right according to the Bible. I hope you can catch the slight difference.

 

[heidi_storage]

a) I think you should eat the vegetables without complaining, unless they make you sick.
b) It is really weird and controlling for your mom to be putting vegetables on the plate of a 17-year-old. I don’t know what country or culture you come from, but in many countries you are near the age of majority and should be able to determine what to put on your own plate.

It pleases the Lord when you obey your parents, as long as they are not asking you to sin. That said, it is perfectly fine and healthy to separate from them as you grow older; you are correct that a 17-year-old is very different than a 7-year-old, and when you are a 27-year-old you (we hope) will be a fully sufficient adult, perhaps with a spouse; you should not then be asked to obey your parents’ every request.

Two thoughts:

1. What steps are you taking toward self-sufficiency? What barriers are in the way of developing independence, and how can you clear away those barriers?
2. For ongoing issues–like vegetables on the plate, it seems–the best time to bring them up is probably not at dinnertime. Can you set a time to have a talk with your mom–maybe over some nice beverage you two enjoy–about making your own dietary decisions? You don’t want to be belligerent–“Mom, it’s totally ridiculous that you’re using the Bible to justify making decisions for me that I should be making myself”–but try to present your case respectfully. “Mom, in a year/a few years, I’m going to be out of the house. I think it is good for me to prepare for this by choosing what to eat. If we’re going to have a vegetable I don’t like, perhaps I could prepare another kind of vegetable for myself and anyone else who wants it. Or perhaps I could prepare dinner for you sometimes, which would help you and be great practice for running my own household.”

Good luck. The changing nature of parent-child relationships is a minefield for both parents and children, but I hope you and your mom will be able to develop a loving, healthy relationship as you become an adult.

 

[Chloe002]

Thanks for the answer.
a) Only two vegetables make me sick and my mother never forced me to eat these. Generally I don’t like vegetables very much and I would like never eating someone of them.
b) even if that episode actually happened, it’s only occasional, to be honest after few days of me being picky and not eating the cooked vegetables because I don’t like them.
1, yes I’m developing independence and my parents are not against that, at least not about everything, maybe for something they are too much controlling about the way I’m doing it (like everything concerning body and health). So I don’t see actual barriers for that, I’m studying hard for self-sufficiency.
2, we had many talks about that and similar arguments, just in the way you suggested, but eventually if in her opinion at some point I’m making something too wrong we need to “take a step backwards”, that means she needs to take things in hand and I’ve to do what she says.

Anyway, the point of my question is not about my own specific event, I would like to understand what the Bible actually says about these events? Even if it’s not a general situation but something occasional. The answer can change the way I feel when we disagree, and the way to be a true christian.

Thanks a lot for your message, mainly we have a loving relationship (except in occasions like that) and I would keep it good as much as possible.