I have bipolar disorder. I’m currently on Depakote (a mood stabilizer) and wellbutrin (anti-depressant). If you really want, PM me and I’ll send you my full story - I had a really rough road for a while, and I wrote it when things got better for me. But, a few things that might help you to understand:
Bipolar implies two opposites - mania and depression. Depression is similar to what we all think of as depression. Mania can seem either good or bad. When it seems good, you feel euphoric, nothing can go wrong. During that time, many decisions in regards to money, sex and other various lifestyle subjects are often made with disasterous results. The mania that feels bad usually consists of racing thoughts that a person cannot control, along with energy that you cannot channel. Racing thoughts mean not only that your thoughts are going a thousand miles an hour, but often you have 3 or 4 “trains of thought” going simultaneously. During either type of mania, some people can become psychotic - seeing things, paranoia, etc. It’s a very scary thing.
These phases can last anywhere from weeks to years between phases. During my worst time, I went through “rapid cycling” which felt like I was up and down on as often as several times a day. I think that it was, in actuality, that I was experiencing both at the same time, or that I was experiencing psychosis. I was unable to get help because of lack of insurance, though. The inability to get help after having gone to the hospital requesting it for suicidal thoughts, combined with really bad events, led to a suicide attempt that has changed my life. I’ve been medicated steadily ever since (except once, due to lack of insurance, but briefly and with someone close to me helping keep an eye on me).
Today, I can tell if I’ve forgotten my medication. Recently, I forgot it two days in a row before I remembered. I was with a friend and a stressful situation came up. I began to yell at my kids, I was stressing that they’d get run over in the busy parking lot, but I was on the phone trying to get help to unlock the car. I thought I was out of control. But, my friend remarked that 2 years ago, he had seen me out of control. This wasn’t it. And a couple of months ago, my therapist told me that I’d been stable long enough, and through events that could have caused me to fall, that he thought it would be unethical for him to continue seeing me. My point here, is that, while bipolar disorder is extremely serious, and can be very scary to the person suffering from it, and their loved ones, it is also something that can be treated. And, I believe that it can also be a blessing, when it’s under control.