Birth control and attraction

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kobayashi_maru

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I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and things are going really well. We’re both practicing Catholics and we are both committed to practicing our faith. I want to ask her to marry me before her birthday in April. I just have one concern and it might seem stupid, but here it is: She’s on birth control. It’s purely for medical purposes (we aren’t having sex anyway), and she and her doctors are hopeful that after surgery, she won’t need it anymore. I believe her that she’s committed to the Church’s teachings. But, I’ve heard that birth control can alter what and who a woman is attracted to. I’m worried that we’ll get married, she’ll go off birth control, and then feel like she made a mistake because she doesn’t think there’s anything between us. Should I wait to propose until she’s off to make sure we still have “chemistry”? Does anyone have experience with attraction and birth control, or have a wife who is/was on it?
 
Birth control is not mind control.

Yes, it can affect attraction, but an adult relationship is not about attraction but committment.
 
1ke said:
Pseudo science. Don’t give this another thought.
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And even if it was true that she was only attracted to you because of the pill, you’d probably get similar results during pregnancy.
 
fin said:
It is true that BC can affect the brain because that is what it does, alter the hormones. It is not pseudoscience.
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No more than female hormones already affect the brain. Pregnancy, menopause, hormonal fluctuations— these things may impact libido but they don’t make a spouse suddenly unattractive. That is total bunk and has the OP scared to marry his girlfriend. That is seriously out there.
fin said:
If I were you I would advise your gf not to take bc for any health reasons.
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That is reckless— you are not a doctor, and we cannot give medical advise here.
 
It doesn’t really work that way. She may have a few days a month she finds you more annoying when she starts having actual menstrual cycles again, as a lot of women do, but she isn’t just going to decide she doesn’t like you anymore. On the flip side though, there’s been numerous studies that show than men find women more attractive when they are ovulating, so you could have that to look forward to.
 
1ke said:
No more than female hormones already affect the brain. Pregnancy, menopause, hormonal fluctuations— these things may impact libido but they don’t make a spouse suddenly unattractive. That is total bunk and has the OP scared to marry his girlfriend. That is seriously out there.
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Right. There’s a natural variance in what women like throughout the cycle and through various life stages, as her hormones fluctuate. None of this variance is the kind of thing that’s going to make a woman who likes her partner and doesn’t have some other issue suddenly not want them at all.
 
Did not know there was a doctor on this thread who is allowed to give medical advice. And I thought that was prohibited, yet it is still there.

It was a chastity speaker who said that one of the reasons having sex before marriage is a bad idea is bec. Of the hormones that are released. He also said something similar about bc since they interfere with the hormones.
 
I always wondered about these sorts of arguments. Paul encourages the remarriage of young widows, and for many centuries this was the common practice (especially if she had young children). Now this isn’t the same situation as an unchaste woman, but we don’t see any indication of some major issue with bonding to their new husband because of hormones released previously or whatever.
 
Because oxytocin doesn’t work the way a lot of people think it does. It makes you FEEL bonded until actual bonding happens. It also dissipates relatively quickly. The argument that you can’t properly bond with a second spouse because of it also falls flat since, by that same logic, a mother wouldn’t love subsequent children as much as her first child, which any mother will tell you isn’t true.
 
fin said:
It was a chastity speaker who said that one of the reasons having sex before marriage is a bad idea is bec. Of the hormones that are released. He also said something similar about bc since they interfere with the hormones.
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Look, a lot of women are going to need hormonal medication at some point to control medical issues.

If your doctor says, “take medication XYZ” and that is the standard treatment in the field for a particular ailment, then it’s not wise to ignore the doctor.

Also, those threads get shut down, Deo gratias.
 
Ok. No need to be negative for those who think otherwise. Agree to disagree. Most people believe what their doctor says. I have been criticize irl for preferring natural alternatives lol. Just concerned about well being. The end.
 
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fin said:
Ok. No need to be negative for those who think otherwise. Agree to disagree. Most people believe what their doctor says. I have been criticize irl for preferring natural alternatives lol. Just concerned about well being. The end.
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We’ve had at least one case on CAF in recent years of a scrupulous lady not following medical advice because of people feeding her scrupulosity, with pretty dire medical results.
 
I hope you’re not responsible for the care of young children.
 
I am not reckless. Like I said, just concerned. No need to shoot down opposing ideas. Some people just prefer to be curmudgeonly.
 
Depends on the idea. One person wants to go see a Marvel movie and the other one an arthouse film, there’s nothing to shoot down; one person wants to treat their Stage II cervical cancer with black salve instead of surgery and adjuvant chemotherapy, that’s an objectively poor decision but that person’s own business. But giving bad medical advice (as you are doing) is indeed reckless, and it is not curmudgeonly to point this out.
 
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