My wife and I had our third child almost a year ago (all three boys, 4 and under!!). Post pregnancy she suffered severe depression and was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As part of her diagnosis, her psychiatrist told us that she was not in the mental state to be able to handle having another child. My wife was having severe panic attacks and anxiety thinking about the possibility of having another child, causing her to be unable to take care of our children - she had thoughts of hurting herself and the kids. She could not physically or mentally be a good mother nor could we trust her with the kids. The psychiatrist suggested a birth control and put her on medication for bipolar disorder (she tried multiple drugs until she found one with minimal side effects). The medication she is now on is not recommended for pregnant women as it can cause birth defects. We asked about changing medications but I guess that is difficult and can be problematic once they find a medication that helps her bipolar disorder (and it seems she has - praise God!).
I guess my question pertains to the Church’s teaching on birth control in a case like this (mental disorders & medical conditions). There are really two issues: 1) the psychiatrist’s prescription of a birth control, and 2) the current medication causing birth defects.
Any help/guidance would be very appreciated. She is currently on birth control and has been abstaining from the Eucharist which has caused her much pain (and some bitterness). We have talked about abstaining but taking this love and intimacy out of our marriage for an indefinite time period is a very difficult decision, and one with some negative repercussions.
Church teaching is clear on this:
"Lawful Therapeutic Means
"15. On the other hand, the Church does not consider at all illicit the use of those therapeutic means necessary to cure bodily diseases, even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever. (19)
"Recourse to Infertile Periods
"16. Now as We noted earlier (no. 3), some people today raise the objection against this particular doctrine of the Church concerning the moral laws governing marriage, that human intelligence has both the right and responsibility to control those forces of irrational nature which come within its ambit and to direct them toward ends beneficial to man. Others ask on the same point whether it is not reasonable in so many cases to use artificial birth control if by so doing the harmony and peace of a family are better served and more suitable conditions are provided for the education of children already born. To this question We must give a clear reply. The Church is the first to praise and commend the application of human intelligence to an activity in which a rational creature such as man is so closely associated with his Creator. But she affirms that this must be done within the limits of the order of reality established by God.
"If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained. (20)
“Neither the Church nor her doctrine is inconsistent when she considers it lawful for married people to take advantage of the infertile period but condemns as always unlawful the use of means which directly prevent conception, even when the reasons given for the later practice may appear to be upright and serious. In reality, these two cases are completely different. In the former the married couple rightly use a faculty provided them by nature. In the later they obstruct the natural development of the generative process. It cannot be denied that in each case the married couple, for acceptable reasons, are both perfectly clear in their intention to avoid children and wish to make sure that none will result. But it is equally true that it is exclusively in the former case that husband and wife are ready to abstain from intercourse during the fertile period as often as for reasonable motives the birth of another child is not desirable. And when the infertile period recurs, they use their married intimacy to express their mutual love and safeguard their fidelity toward one another. In doing this they certainly give proof of a true and authentic love.”
Source:
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
I urge you and your wife to speak to a priest about this matter, especially about receiving the Eucharist. The Church understands that there are medical conditions that require treatment and that some will inhibit or eliminate the possibility of having children.
On a side note, any long-term psychological problem is specific to each individual, and sometimes this includes thoughts like: “Why has God given me this burden?” But, as I suggested, talk to your parish priest. Having known people with bi-polar disorder, when they are depressed they think negatively and may assume certain things which are not true. You may need to ask your wife what she is thinking from time to time to help her get answers to allay her fears.
God bless you and your family,
Ed
