Birth Control Moral Dilemma

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DiscipleABC

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In this difficult situation:
  • Couple in their 40s with one child
  • Wife strict Catholic but not open to having another child for serious reasons ( mental health, fear of genetic disorders due to her age)
  • Wife too stressed out to do natural family planning
  • Husband wanted second child
  • Abstaining from sex until menopause to avoid pregnancy
  • Husband given up trying to be celibate and uses porn and having an affair
What is the Catholic recommendation on this? Just keep trying to be celibate? Get a divorce?
 
First, let’s clear up terms. Married people are not celibate. Celibacy is a state in life, Marriage is a different state in life.

A couple may choose to live in continence, abstaining from the marital embrace.

I would advise the wife to explore the many methods of NFP, one method may not fit in with her body/habits while another method may. There is also new tech that works with the STM like:



She may be better with a method such as Billings or Creighton. Explore them.

The couple in this case would be wise to seek counseling from their Priest.
 
DiscipleABC said:
In this difficult situation:
  • Couple in their 40s with one child
  • Wife strict Catholic but not open to having another child for serious reasons ( mental health, fear of genetic disorders due to her age)
  • Wife too stressed out to do natural family planning
  • Husband wanted second child
  • Abstaining from sex until menopause to avoid pregnancy
  • Husband given up trying to be celibate and uses porn and having an affair
What is the Catholic recommendation on this? Just keep trying to be celibate? Get a divorce?
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Yes, it requires mutual cooperation or there will be no more children. A women is not bound to have more children when for serious reasons (including genetic and more than normal risk).

If the husband has an affair then the woman can justly separate from the husband, but will remain married. Menopause may bring lack of desire to the woman, so do not count on relations then.
 
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DiscipleABC said:
What is the Catholic recommendation on this?
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Uh, stop having an affair and using pornography.
DiscipleABC said:
Just keep trying to be celibate?
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I think you mean continent.

I would encourage the wife to move past being “too stressed” to use natural family planning. I’m not even sure what that means, speaking as a woman who just went through her 40s using natural family planning.
DiscipleABC said:
Get a divorce?
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Wow, that is out of left field.

Some marriage counseling for sure— something sounds off in such a relationship.
 
I’m confused by the title and then the post. The title suggests the topic is the use of artificial Birth control but the post makes no mention of that at all.

For what it is worth,
The wife should engage in the marriage to make the effort to learn and employ NFP.
The Husband should be faithful and pure as well. The wife will have plenty of time to learn NFP because the husband and wife should abstain from relations for at LEAST a few months to test for STD’s from the Husband’s affair.

Both spouses should be concerned for their own soul and the soul of the other. And every decision should involve that.

The Catholic recommendation is to love and sacrifice for the sake of your spouse.

If the husband and wife disagree on the serious reasons to not be open to having another child then that needs to be hashed out and agreed upon.
 
Vico said:
Yes, it requires mutual cooperation or there will be not more children. A women is not bound to have more children when for serious reasons (including genetic and more than normal risk).

If the husband has an affair then the woman can justly separate from the husband, but will remain married. Menopause may bring lack of desire to the woman, so do not count on relations then.
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Nobody yet has pointed out this simple fact: birth control and contraception is intrinsically evil and never morally admissible.

The Church condemns as always unlawful the use of means which directly prevent conception, even when the reasons given for the practice may appear to be upright and serious. it is never lawful, even for the gravest reasons, to do evil that good may come of it —in other words, to intend directly something which of its very nature contradicts the moral order.

Sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive is intrinsically wrong. No circumstance, no purpose, no law whatsoever can ever make licit an act which is intrinsically illicit

This is what the Church solemnly teaches.

Please recall that divorce is a sin unless it is the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance.

The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law, of which for reference I quote a small part:
1152 §1. Although it is earnestly recommended that a spouse, moved by Christian charity and concerned for the good of the family, not refuse forgiveness to an adulterous partner and not disrupt conjugal life, nevertheless, if the spouse did not condone the fault of the other expressly or tacitly, the spouse has the right to sever conjugal living unless the spouse consented to the adultery, gave cause for it, or also committed adultery.

§2. Tacit condonation exists if the innocent spouse has had marital relations voluntarily with the other spouse after having become certain of the adultery. It is presumed, moreover, if the spouse observed conjugal living for six months and did not make recourse to the ecclesiastical or civil authority.

§3. If the innocent spouse has severed conjugal living voluntarily, the spouse is to introduce a cause for separation within six months to the competent ecclesiastical authority which, after having investigated all the circumstances, is to consider carefully whether the innocent spouse can be moved to forgive the fault and not to prolong the separation permanently.

§2. In all cases, when the cause for the separation ceases, conjugal living must be restored unless ecclesiastical authority has established otherwise.
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DiscipleABC said:
What is the Catholic recommendation on this?
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I can only give my personal thoughts. This should be discussed with a parish ministry or a pastor or a Canon lawyer.

My thoughts as follows: it seems the issue here is with the husband’s unfaithfulness, yes, but also with a certain objection to openness to life on the wife’s side. One has to trust in Divine Providence, or at least discuss the issue with the husband. For instance, NFP could strengthen the marital bond, if there had been willingness to embrace and discuss it. Now all the blame seems to be on the husband, but it’s not necessarily fair to force continence on the husband.
 
lil_user said:
One has to trust in Divine Providence,
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If by that you mean throw caution to the wind then I disagree.

However the wife could look at NFP methods and see if any work for her.
lil_user said:
Now all the blame seems to be on the husband, but it’s not necessarily fair to force continence on the husband.
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If the wife could not have sex for some other reason he would be expected to abstain. I read it as I don’t care about you, only the pleasure I can get from you. The suggestion of divorce strengthens that reading.
DiscipleABC said:
Get a divorce?
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Given my reading above he may be doing his wife a favor.
 
A moral dilemma, strictly speaking, is when there are two conflicting moral duties, both duties cannot be met simultaneously, and a there would be a bad outcome if either moral duty is broken.

In this situation, there is a duty to be open to life, and a duty to remain faithful. There is no conflict of duties, however; things would not get worse if the husband didn’t have an affair.

Having an affair is a moral failing on the husband’s part, and the solution is to stop.
 
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