B
Burning_Sapling
Guest
I’m new to Catholicism and I’m struggling to understand whether my parents marriage to each other is really a licit one, and also of how to relate to my parents whilst not being able to tell. The reason I am uncertain about the status of my parent’s marriage is that my mother was married once before without annulment (both of my parents are both non- Catholic). To be sure, the more I think about my mother’s first “marriage”, the more it seems like there are likely grounds for it to be declared null- misunderstanding about the person and lack of consent to fundamental conditions of marriage. But part of the trouble I’m having is that one reason I find it likely that the latter of these two conditions of nullity exists in the case of my mother’s first marriage is that it seems to me like my mother has gone through most of her life at least not believing that the sacrament of marriage is eternal and unbreakable, and thus that she likely did not intend to commit to an eternal and unbreakable bond with her first husband. But if this is right, then it might seem not only to undermine my mother’s first marriage but also her second one- i.e. that with my father- since her beliefs about the eternal and unbreakable status of marriage might well not have changed by the time she married my father. Maybe her beliefs had changed, but I can’t say. What I can say is that today at least she very much does not seem to regard marriage as an eternal and unbreakable sacrament. And of course, I’d have to ask the same questions of my father- did he see himself as committing to an eternal and unbreakable sacrament? Maybe not since after all he didn’t seem to have trouble marrying someone who had been previously married- but maybe his sense was that her previous marriage was null?
Another problem is that I really do not feel I can discuss these issues with my parents themselves. My father especially would be likely to react with strong offense and would most likely think my concern was a result of my being ungrateful. It might be possible to talk to my mother about it at some point but it would be extremely intense and uncomfortable, at least at first.
So I suppose my host of questions is just- (1) any advice for someone in my situation? (2) any insights about what the status of my parent’s marriage might be given the information I have given? (3) any corrections of the understanding of the sacrament of marriage I have suggested either explicitly or implicitly (like I said, I’m a beginner!)?
So far I’ve just been trying to maintain a sense of gratitude for all of the ways my parents have supported me and shown their love for me- this might not answer my questions but it makes living with uncertainty bearable.
Another problem is that I really do not feel I can discuss these issues with my parents themselves. My father especially would be likely to react with strong offense and would most likely think my concern was a result of my being ungrateful. It might be possible to talk to my mother about it at some point but it would be extremely intense and uncomfortable, at least at first.
So I suppose my host of questions is just- (1) any advice for someone in my situation? (2) any insights about what the status of my parent’s marriage might be given the information I have given? (3) any corrections of the understanding of the sacrament of marriage I have suggested either explicitly or implicitly (like I said, I’m a beginner!)?
So far I’ve just been trying to maintain a sense of gratitude for all of the ways my parents have supported me and shown their love for me- this might not answer my questions but it makes living with uncertainty bearable.