Boy in girl’s clothes

  • Thread starter Thread starter rubberbaby
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

rubberbaby

Guest
My youngest son is 4 years old and always wants to dress “like a lady” or pretend to be a girl. When he comes home from preschool he runs up and puts on a skirt from one of his sisters or he will raid my closet to steal a dress.

I just want to know a better way to handle this. I have scolded him and told him we don’t wear other people’s clothes. I have told him that he should wear boy clothes and not girl clothes, because we don’t want to confuse people. I told him he will get teased if he wears dresses.

I don’t know if forbidding the clothes will cause a worse problem. I don’t know if allowing “dress up” will cause a worse problem. I have gotten boy costumes for dress up and sometimes he likes those too.

He also wants to use girl character plates and cups like his sisters.
I wonder if it’s because most of the good strong characters in kids movies are female. All my kids love to act as Moana, Elsa, and Rapunzel.

How do I react? Anyone else experience this sort of thing?
 
Ah the Disney influence. Turn off the tv.
Mabe Adam is right and it’s only a phase. Never had boys, just girls, but they never wnated to dres as boys…maybe girls clothes are more interesting and colorful?
 
I don’t know if having a strong emotional reaction is a good idea. It could turn him off, or it could send him a message that ‘he’s not a normal boy because he likes these things’ which will mess him up when he gets older + gender identity development.

You could expose him to strong male characters to balance it out but yeah, it’s usually a phase. Kids are hardly thinking about gender at this point, they just like what they like. Girl stuff are usually more salient and attractive to both genders too which is interesting because studies have shown that kids at this stage are attracted to eye catching stuff more than kids of other ages
 
Last edited:
pianistclare said:
Ah the Disney influence. Turn off the tv.
Mabe Adam is right and it’s only a phase. Never had boys, just girls, but they never wnated to dres as boys…maybe girls clothes are more interesting and colorful?
Click to expand...
100% agreed.

Turn off the dang TV. If you’re only giving your child female heros to look up to is it any wonder that they want to emulate that character?

Go to the library and get some books where boys are in the lead. He needs to be given role models that he can relate to.

When I was a child the heros were allllllways boys. We played “Star Trek” and “Ninja Turtles” and “Duck Tales” and “Chip’n’Dale”. The girls were always the lamest. It seems, in your house it’s the other way around.

If you are doing movies, try doing only these for a while :


Your child cannot copy what he does not know.
 
i believe also that he is wanting to do the fun things he sees his sisters doing. I have 2 girls and the youngest is a boy. when they were younger, my son would love to play with tea sets and doll houses, etc. we had a dress up box and he would wear boys and girls costumes. anyway, i also think that you need to be careful, just relax, pray that you are doing the right thing. i know you will 🙂
 
It sounds like he is surrounded by girls (Mom and sisters). Does he have a father figure in his life? He need to have positive identification with a man. Does he spend time with a father? Grandfather? Uncle? Has he had a traumatic experience with a male relative? You don’t want him to reject his own sex, but you can’t teach him how to be a little man.
 
Speaking not as a Catholic, but from someone who has been a Nursery and Kindergarten Teacher.

This really isn’t that unusual, for girls or boys. Children who have often been sheltered at home in the sense they have had fewer opportunities to speak to other children outside the family unit actually tend to do this more.

Usually this is because at this age there is a kind of hierarchy in gender roles, and children are still learning who plays with what. They have no concept of biological difference, they usually work this out from mannerisms and negative feedback (i,.e: “You’re a wuss” or “Nice girls need to not get dirty”) A child who hasn’t seen other children like them only doing certain types of activity will not see any taboo in breaking gender roles. It’s performative in a sense.

The more time he spends in school, the less you see of this. By Kindergarten it’s usually entirely gone, because by that age boys know they will get beaten up by other boys if they do it, so even if they want to they know by then to hide it.
 
Last edited:
Maybe he just likes the idea of “fancy dressing” and seeing photos of men dressed in tuxedos and other formal wear would let him know that males can dress up, too, but in a different way than females.
 
My basic response: whatever. My son went through a period of time when he liked everything girly, and didn’t like boy stuff, and we were chill about it. It ended. Whatever.

I find it very off-base for you to scold him, as if this were morally wrong. The more seriously you take it, the worse he will feel about himself. The danger right now is that he will have a toxic self-image, not that he will become transgendered.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
My basic response: whatever. My son went through a period of time when he liked everything girly, and didn’t like boy stuff, and we were chill about it. It ended. Whatever.

I find it very off-base for you to scold him, as if this were morally wrong. The more seriously you take it, the worse he will feel about himself. The danger right now is that he will have a toxic self-image, not that he will become transgendered.
Click to expand...
She was scolding him for stealing her clothes. Girl or boy, raiding your mother’s clothes or taking your siblings things without permission is not acceptable behavior.

She would be wise to give him alternatives, (she’s provided him with dress up clothes) but he’s going to develop much more than a toxic self-image if he persists in ignoring household rules.
 
Last edited:
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
She was scolding him for stealing her clothes. Girl or boy, raiding your mother’s clothes or taking your siblings things without permission is not acceptable behavior.

She would be wise to give him alternatives, (she’s provided him with dress up clothes) but he’s going to develop much more than a toxic self-image if he persists in ignoring household rules.
Click to expand...
Well, I tend to disagree. The OP’s concern is clearly not about stealing. It’s about wearing dresses. And scolding a boy about THAT concern is poison for boys. I was a boy who was scolded for natural sexual curiosity and development. It makes boys feel like they can never be good enough, and that there is something wrong with them.

And please understand, rubberbaby, that my goal is not to judge you. My concern is wholly for your son. I’m nowhere near a perfect parent, and I don’t expect any of us can be.
 
Last edited:
Prodigal_Son said:
Well, I tend to disagree. The OP’s concern is clearly not about stealing. It’s about wearing dresses. And scolding a boy about THAT concern is poison for boys. I was a boy who was scolded for natural sexual curiosity and development. It makes boys feel like they can never be good enough, and that there is something wrong with them.
Click to expand...
A child boy or girl, who’s 4, ought not to steal. Dress complex or not. Yes, the dresses add a certain element of social taboo, but a child can have the reasonable boundaries of not stealing his family’s clothes without it being some kind of mental poison.

The OP has given him physical alternatives, but it seems she’s only provided him with media that reflects strong women.
 
And frankly, your response ALSO indicates that you think he really wants to be a girl, and you’re worried about that. I see no evidence of that, at all. He wants to look pretty. Lots of guys do.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
And frankly, your response ALSO indicates that you think he really wants to be a girl, and you’re worried about that. I see no evidence of that, at all. He wants to look pretty. Lots of guys do.
Click to expand...
Come again?

I think that the OP has made a mistake of drowning her children in Disney Princess paraphernalia and messages while completely neglecting to use that same media to provide positive male influence.

I posted an entire link of movies that he can emulate that would be a much better influence for him than watching Moaha for the millionth time.

He needs good MALE examples.

I have no issue with him emulating the Pope, I suggested they go to the library and find books on males that appeal to him. This includes men he’d like to dress up as.

Heck, maybe a toy “priest” kit with an alb, surplice and all of those goodies would be appropriate.
 
I agree with having good male examples. But I don’t consider a 4-year-old wanting to be in a dress an indication of anything except him being absolutely normal.

If he was 10, I would have a different attitude.
 
Last edited:
Prodigal_Son said:
I agree with having good male examples. But I don’t consider a 4-year-old wanting to be in a dress an indication of anything except him being absolutely normal.
Click to expand...
I never said that. My point is the poor boy is drowning in only female role models through the media he’s consuming. That’s not good, weither he’s 4 or he’s 10. It is not healthy for a young girl to only see men as good role models, either. (I had Mrs. Frizzle, woop-de-doo). Society has changed quite a bit since the 80’s when it was primarly men who were the heros. Now, it’s all about Disney princesses. Both genders need gendered role models to look up to.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top