I can see where the anger comes from. When you are dealing with especially manipulative people and realize you have been deceived, you are mad at two people… the person who took your trust for them and used it against you and yourself for falling for it.
With normal people who hurt you, you get an apology. This guy will never apologize. Yes, she had free will, but it’s the same deal as someone who was scammed financially or hired an embezzler. She’s dealing with someone who has probably been practicing for 17 years never taking no for an answer and he’s got it down to a science. He used her love and affection for him against her. She said he even forced her to do things she didn’t want to do.
She’s a young girl, probably hadn’t had too many relationships before this. She did not have the skills to get out of a bad situation. (We’re told to be nice girls, and not assert ourselves (the dread B word) all our lives. No wonder when we are finally with guys in our teens that more of this doesn’t go on.)
All she can do is be grateful that she learned some lessons the hard way early. In the future she will avoid the kind of guy who comes on too strong, presents himself to her as the answer to all her life’s problems, erodes her boundaries, is emotionally all over the map and doesn’t take no for an answer. Maybe before she finds herself in an even more dangerous situation next time she’ll know to get away.
That kind of guy then goes out and smears her reputation before she can say anything so if she ever does, SHE looks like the scorned woman or the nut.
Notice he isolated her from her friends. That way she couldn’t hear the words of those who would try to tell her he was a jerk.
These are classic tactics. This guy is going to be huge trouble down the road if he’s already got his game going now.
Parents need to emphasize with daughters and sons:
Even in this sex saturated age, dirty talk is NOT appropriate. And a gentleman doesn’t talk like that in front of a lady. Our daughters need to know that someone who breaks that boundary is testing her and will take it to the next step. A guy speaking inappropriately or joking in mixed company in a degrading way about sex is a warning sign. THAT is the point when a girl should get up and leave. In the good old days, she could slap his face as she did so. Sadly, now some girls are cruder than the guys. Makes it difficult to tell who is the predator and who is the cad.
Any guy that doesn’t take no for an answer is a reason to dump him. Even in little things. Don’t want his hands all over you? State it clearly. It’s wrong. It has no business in a dating relationship like that. If he doesn’t respect it, get out now.
Any guy that comes along and starts criticizing your friends and/or family and telling you they’re not good for you… or he’ll take care of you now, you don’t need them… don’t fall for this knight on a white horse BS. Get out now.
Any guy that you date and you find out he is telling people stories behind your back that make you sound like a slut, a nut or a moron… get out now. He’s using you to aggrandize himself. A boy who really loves you builds you up and cares about your reputation. He doesn’t score at your expense and make himself look like a stud at your expense. Get out now.
Any grabbing, shaking, shoving, slapping, name calling is reason to leave NOW. Call your dad from a date, call a friend, call 9-11 if you have to. That is assault. It is not love, or cute jealousy, and you did not make him do it. It is his fault, not yours.
The fact is, the OP doesn’t realize what a typical abuser this guy was. He sought her out. He saw a weak, depressed girl, kind of like the wolf skulking on the edge of the herd finding the weak deer. He preyed on her. He approached her and singled her out and made her happy. She fell for it. But that method is used because it works. Too many people think love should fix their lives. So predators single out people who are vulnerable and manipulate them to get what they want. It’s the same thing scam artists do who befriend lonely old people and then clear out their bank accounts.
Be nicer to this girl. She’s beating up enough on herself. She doesn’t need help.
She’s learned a bitter lesson for someone so young.
