Boyfriend of no religion that promised me to be a catholic now practise Reiki

[funnyfin]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend in the past 1.5 years. His family is a christian & Kong hu chu mix, and he hasn’t had any proper religious education / belief in any of them. When we started dating I have set a condition that he must convert to Catholic if we were to date, and he agrees. He is a nice guy, with a bright mind, kind, and often sacrifices his time for me, thus I enjoy spending time with him.

However, none of his closest friends are Catholic. Even more, one of them practices Reiki Tuomo, which upon some google search I made seems to be not aligned with catholic. Now, this one friend keeps asking him to go with him doing mediation and he agrees to go for one as this activity promised that it will bring peace. He even bought a plane ticket just for that right away. I told him that I prefer him not to go, but he insisted on going, saying that if I ask him to join for any catholic related events he will agree to.

Also, this one friend of him keeps telling him that Reiki is also supported by some Pastors who also practices Reiki + catholicism. Thus, he should not worry as both are aligned to each other.

I’m now confused about our relationship. I wanted a catholic man, yet he doesn’t seem on his way to becoming one. Is it my fault? I’ve tried to bring him to church for about 3 months on & off (sometimes he said he is too tired then I go alone). And I’m thinking to bring him to RCIA weekly. But he didn’t seem to have an initiative to go deeper in faith on his own.

Yet I started to think, is it really my duty to make him a catholic man? Should I give up? I’ve been praying to God asking for my boyfriend to develop a belief in Him, yet it hasn’t been answered.

I asked my parents — both are catholic— about this, yet they simply reassure me that since he had no belief, before we get married he should be easy to convert.

What do you think? This has been bugging me for months Thanks in advance.

 

[JMMJ]

When we started dating I have set a condition that he must convert to Catholic if we were to date, and he agrees.

This was a mistake. You shouldn’t try to drive someone into a religion, for many reasons. It is wrong.

I am sure your parents have the best of intentions in the advice they gave you, but they are wrong.

One’s spiritual journey belongs to the individual. If you set an example such that someone wants to convert, then that can be a wonderful thing. But you should never set conversion as a condition for being in a relationship with someone. It robs them of their spiritual journey, which we are all entitled to. Also, it usually leads to disappointment, and often times a lot of it.

 

[TK421]

This has red flags all over it.

A person shouldn’t have to “promise” somebody to become a certain religion in order to win them over in a relationship or a marriage. This is a very disingenuous reason to become Catholic .

 

[jlc2k2]

If you want to marry a Catholic, then marry a Catholic. Don’t try to convert someone so that they will marry you.

If you love him for him whether he converts or not, then you have to decide if him not being Catholic is a deal breaker for you.

 

[Willing_Spirit]

Demanding a promise of conversion before dating is wrong, and making such a promise before understanding a religion suggests a lack of conviction. Requesting that you be allowed to raise your kids in the faith is acceptable, but conversion of the heart can’t be legitimately promised on the whim of satisfying dating criteria. If it was just promised that Catholicism would be considered and explored, then that makes sense, but you should not expect someone to convert as terms for marriage. It is perfectly fine to have the criteria of only dating a Catholic, but if that is the case it would be better to find someone that already is Catholic.

 

[1ke]

When we started dating I have set a condition that he must convert to Catholic if we were to date,

That is not your place. You do not place such an ultimatum on a person.

and he agrees

Well apparently he doesn’t really.

. I wanted a catholic man,

Then you need to date a Catholic man.

yet he doesn’t seem on his way to becoming one

Because he has not had a conversion of heart. And he may never have one.

But he didn’t seem to have an initiative to go deeper in faith on his own.

Then leave him alone. He’s trying to please you, but that is not a reason to become a Catholic.

is it really my duty to make him a catholic man?

Um, no.

What do you think?

Stop dating someone who doesn’t share your faith. Find someone who does.

 

[redbetta]

Never ever date someone with the expectation that they will change. You will almost certainly be disappointed. Instead, dare the kind of person who is already what you want in a future spouse.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Never date a person and try to “change” them, this includes religion. That is called “missionary dating” and the best someone gets is someone going through a conversion that is not sincere.

If sharing faith is a deal killer for you, then, end the relationship now and only date practicing Catholics.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

Reiki and Catholicism don’t go hand in hand. Reiki is new age… hopefully his interest will wan but the fact that he is skipping church with you and you are going alone, and he has no interest in RCIA shows he really, really does not plan to covert for you. If you want a faith-filled man, he is not it.

 

[Irishmom2]

Yet I started to think, is it really my duty to make him a catholic man? Should I give up? I’ve been praying to God asking for my boyfriend to develop a belief in Him, yet it hasn’t been answered.

No, yes, and you should only pray for God’s will for you. Your boyfriend has to make up his own mind. You have tried, now leave it. You need to decide whether you will continue or end your relationship based on who your boyfriend is, not who you hope he will be.

 

[Jesus4us]

From what i read, it seems like your boyfriend loves you so much that he is willing to convert to Catholic, despite having no friends/family that is Catholic. But again, will he convert? Only you can answer this question. During the 1,5 years together, how often does he lie to you/giving you false hope?

Always remember, it is much harder to find a good man then a Catholic man (for there are a lot of men who claims to be a Catholic but do not act like one). And if he’s willing to convert, then he will be a good Catholic man

Just an advise: rather than forcing him to choose, let him learn and explore what he wants to learn so that when he converts, his heart also converts. At the same time, do not be tired of exposing him to the word of God. Pray for him so that God will guide him. Trust Jesus enough that He will guide and take care of him in his journey of finding the truth.

Remember, being a Catholic is not only through words, but through action. Through kindness, understanding, faith and prayer. Jesus never force anyone to follow Him, but instead He even pray for those who wronged Him, hoping that Father in Heaven can forgive them and guide them to the truth. He did it out of compassion. Something that we should learn from.

 

[Mary888]

A person shouldn’t have to “promise” somebody to become a certain religion in order to win them over in a relationship or a marriage. This is a very disingenuous reason to become Catholic .

Why is the OP sincere question to her potential bf at that time more worthy of accusation than the potentially dishonest promise the now bf did to her? And many Christians, especially women, worked their hardest to convince others to become Christians - Saint Monica, Empress Helena. Our Modern fear of attempting converting others is staggering!
The OP stated very clearly that a man who is not open to join her religion and thus be a friendship that might lead to marriage. If she would have said that she will not date him because she only dates to marry and she only wants to marry a Catholic, I bet she would still be judged for being discriminatory.
No matter what she does she goes wrong. So is her only option just to agree to date men of any religion? Is a woman’s criteria for saying “No!” Invalid if it is religious? Can she not put any conditions that she sees fit when she decides who to date? She asked, he said alright. How can you judge that it wasn’t his soul.speaking and the reason for the potential conversion was wrong?

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

Why is the OP sincere question to her potential bf at that time more worthy of accusation than the potentially dishonest promise the now bf did to her?

Blaming only the bf is just as flawed as blaming only the OP. But the reason that it is the latter is because the OP needs to know these things practically speaking and she is present so addressing her makes it more likely that they will focus on her.

 

[neophyte]

What do you think?

I think that it’s a very good idea to move on. God has a good man in mind for you, and this one ain’t him.

 

[Mary888]

Blaming only the bf is just as flawed as blaming only the OP.

Why is the OP wrong for putting God before datibg some guy? She never coerced him to anything, he asked her out. She made a condition.
And as a Catholic you should encourage her ,right? On other threads people complain endlessly about mixed marriages and why young people no longer think about their faith anymore and no wonder it didn’t work out etc. So here is a Catholic woman caring about her faith and this is worth of flames…

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

Why is the OP wrong for putting God before datibg some guy? She never coerced him to anything, he asked her out. She made a condition.

It is wrong in the intellectual sense that it was not going to work. She didn’t commit a moral wrong, but there is an element of naivety that can lead to real problems down the road.

So here is a Catholic woman caring about her faith and this is worth of flames…

It’s only fraternal correction and the only issue might be that a less accusatory tone should be replaced with a more sincere and benevolent one.

 

[PennyinCanada]

If you want a Catholic man, date a Catholic man.
Now after a 1.5 yr, you’ve spent time together and get more attached, and still don’t have a Catholic man. That is time you can’t get back.

If you wish to be married, don’t fool around with trying to make a square peg fit a round hole. Same for him too. Time to move on. You only made it harder on yourself.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you don’t like dating a smoker, you certainly don’t want to marry a smoker. You meet someone, go out on a few dates, find out he’s a smoker. Break it off and say ‘When you’ve quit smoking for a year, give me a call, if you’re still free and want to say hi’. Then move on. He may never quit, he may find someone else in the mean time, but you didn’t spend a whole year waiting on him to be motivated to do something you want him to do. In that time you’ll be free to meet other people and who knows how that will play out.

 

[TK421]

Why is the OP wrong for putting God before datibg some guy? She never coerced him to anything, he asked her out. She made a condition.

Standards are very important and valuable. I greatly respect women & men that have a standard and hold to it.

But dating at the beginning on the condition that they will convert strikes me as highly unusual and questionable, because it isn’t happening through his own prompting and inner conversion but because somebody set it up as a pre-condition. So as I said before: I think it is disingenuous.

I think if a person wants to marry a Catholic then they should date a Catholic man/woman.

 

[Asinner]

Welcome funnyfin!

First of all, I think it’s admirable that you gave this man a chance to see the Catholic faith and decide if he wanted to be baptized while you dated him. I think you’re right to want to marry a Catholic and you were patient with him while he learned about the faith and considered it.

That being said, it seems to me that he has made his decision and he will not become a Catholic in the foreseable future. I can’t know that for sure, and you obviously are closer to the situation and have more information to make that call. But based on everything you said, I don’t think he’s on the path to conversion.

If you make that call, I would recommend breaking off the relationship as cordially as possible, telling him that you want to marry a faithful, practicing Catholic, so you are freeing him as well as yourself to find more suitable partners. Whatever you do, do not offer him an “ultimatum,” because I don’t think that would change his true path.

I’m sorry you are going through this, but I think you will get hurt if you stay with him and take things further.

P.S. I have at least a little bit of experience in this that I’m basing my opinion on. I just got married to a woman that wasn’t originally Catholic when we started dating. I could tell she was open to the faith, and she made the choice to go through RCIA before I proposed to her, and was recieved into the Church before we got married.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

When we started dating I have set a condition that he must convert to Catholic if we were to date, and he agrees.

You’ve been dating 1 and a half years. If he’s not a Catholic or at least going through RCIA seriously by now, it’s not going to happen. Time to cut him loose and find a new man to date.