Boyfriend raised without a religion

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Marie815

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Hello,

I’ve been dating this really great man for about half a year now. We’re both crazy about each other. I’m Catholic and came from a very Catholic family. He doesnt have a religion because he was never raised with one. Even before we became boyfriend/girlfriend, we spoke about this difference. He told me that he believes in God and ever since he was in highschool (he’s now almost 30), he always wondered about religion because all his friends were either Catholic or Jewish. He told me he wish I wouldnt force him to convert unlike his ex girlfriend who tried to force him to be Christian. We both agree that conversion is something that must be done freely and with your whole heart in it. I said that I can show him and teach him about my beliefs but I can never force him to accept what I believe in.

A few weeks before Easter, he told me he wants to come to church with me on Easter Sunday. I was so happy when he asked me if I could take him with me. It was his first Catholic mass although he’s been to Catholic weddings before. He was great in church and really paid attention to everything. He now knows how to make the sign of the cross and knows a little more about the significance of Holy Water.

My question is: what do you think is the best way for me to teach him more about our Faith? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m forcing him to learn the things I want him to know. I know he wants to learn more because 1- he’s always been curious about religion, 2- because he wants to understand me better. I don’t think we’re at the stage yet where he’d go to classes in church.

My second question is: can someone who isn’t Catholic have a Catholic house blessing? My bf bought a condo a few months ago and finally moved in in March. I was just thinking out loud that maybe he should have the place blessed. I was surprised when he said that’s a good idea. He wants to wait a little though until he has all the furniture in. He said he wants everything blessed the whole apartment, furniture, rugs, etc.

I’m very realistic and open minded and know that relationships only have two outcomes: either they work out or they don’t. We’re doing really well, but if it’s not in God’s plans for us to be together, then I would like to be used as the instrument that introduces him to God. I really do want him to learn more about God and to accept Jesus in his life.

thank you.
 
My question is: what do you think is the best way for me to teach him more about our Faith? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m forcing him to learn the things I want him to know. I know he wants to learn more because 1- he’s always been curious about religion, 2- because he wants to understand me better. I don’t think we’re at the stage yet where he’d go to classes in church.
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I know this feeling really well. I have a stepson on the verge of conversion and am afraid of seeming to pushy with him. I’m reminded of GK Chesterton’s observation in his book Conversion and the Catholic Churchthat at a certain point in the conversion process nothing said by anyone from outside the Church can stop the conversion, but one word from within can. I’ll pray for some enlightenment on this issue.

As far as the house blessing thing, I can’t see why him having his house blessed by a priest would be objectionable at all. And it certainly can’t hurt the coversion process.
 
Marie815 said:
We both agree that conversion is something that must be done freely and with your whole heart in it. I said that I can show him and teach him about my beliefs but I can never force him to accept what I believe in.

My question is: what do you think is the best way for me to teach him more about our Faith? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m forcing him to learn the things I want him to know. I know he wants to learn more because 1- he’s always been curious about religion, 2- because he wants to understand me better. I don’t think we’re at the stage yet where he’d go to classes in church.
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I am in the same position your boyfriend is - raised without religion, a lot of Catholic friends, curious but not ready to commit, slowly learning about the Faith. I admit that I’m embarrassed to ask my boyfriend questions about his Faith unless there’s an opportunity. I don’t want to just randomly start interrogating him about his beliefs.

I’d say you should create safe opportunities to talk about Catholicism, so he can ask you questions. For example, when my boyfriend is searching through his pockets, he’ll sometimes pull his rosary out and put it on the table in front of me. I can choose to pick it up and ask him questions about it, or I can ignore it, but the opportunity is there. Or if an ambulance passes us on the street and he makes the sign of the cross, that’s another opportunity to start a conversation about the Church. The point is that these are non-threatening ways to do it. If I don’t respond to his show of faith, it’s not awkward like a direct attempt at evangelization would be.

I admit, I kind of messed up at the beginning. He wanted to teach me about the Faith, and I told him I didn’t want to come to his Church because I’d be the only white girl there. Now I’ve changed my mind, but I’m too shy to bring it up. Just make sure that you create opportunities for him to discuss it if he needs to. He’ll come around, I’m sure.
 
My daughter is facing the same problem. She is getting married in Sept, Here is what Father said, not to push him into the faith, because if he doesnt come on his own it will never work. He told her to keep true to her faith, keep living it and be an example. Hopefully this will be enough to get him to convert on his own. But it must be his choice. He went with her to classes, and agreed to raise the Children Catholic and promised her he would always agree with what she teaches the Children when they ask him. Father said God works in mysterious ways and this may be his way of getting him in to the religion. But keep praying and ask God to interceed.
 
First things first… I would get him the book “Catholicism for Dummies” so that he can read up on different aspects of the faith himself. Despite the title, the book is amazingly thorough, and yet very easy to read. (BTW, do NOT buy the similarly titled "Idiot’s Guide to Catholicism, which is not only unabashedly liberal, but contains several serious factual errors. “Catholicism for Dummies” was written by two priests at EWTN.)
 
Thank you all so much for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I will continue praying for God’s intercession and I will buy the book Catholicism for Dummies.

I’d like to reply to Just Wondering’s post. If you feel like asking your boyfriend questions about his religion, I say don’t be embarrassed. I’m sure your boyfriend wouldnt think any of your questions are embarrassing. I’m also sure he’d love to share with you the things he believes in. I love it when my bf asks me questions. I’m pretty sure he feels he can ask me anything about my faith. He went to a wake two weeks ago and when he came home, he called me saying he was so happy he knew how to make the sign of the cross. He said he wish he knew what they were saying. He said “something hallowed be thy name.” I smiled and then told him what it was.
 
Marie815 said:
Hello,

I’ve been dating this really great man for about half a year now. We’re both crazy about each other. I’m Catholic and came from a very Catholic family. He doesnt have a religion because he was never raised with one. Even before we became boyfriend/girlfriend, we spoke about this difference. He told me that he believes in God and ever since he was in highschool (he’s now almost 30),
(…)
It was his first Catholic mass although he’s been to Catholic weddings before. He was great in church and really paid attention to everything. He now knows how to make the sign of the cross and knows a little more about the significance of Holy Water.

My question is: what do you think is the best way for me to teach him more about our Faith? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m forcing him to learn the things I want him to know. I know he wants to learn more because 1- he’s always been curious about religion, 2- because he wants to understand me better. I don’t think we’re at the stage yet where he’d go to classes in church.

My second question is: can someone who isn’t Catholic have a Catholic house blessing?
I’m very realistic and open minded and know that relationships only have two outcomes: either they work out or they don’t. We’re doing really well, but if it’s not in God’s plans for us to be together, then I would like to be used as the instrument that introduces him to God. I really do want him to learn more about God and to accept Jesus in his life.

thank you.
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Then introduce him to Christ in the most direct of ways where he can really get His Word into him through the Spirit.
If he does not know Christ he wont understand anything you show him about holy water, sign of the cross or anything else.
Give him a New Testament in a readable version and tell him that this is the most precious gift you could ever give him.
That’s the honest truth. Then give him peace to read it slowly.
There is no better preacher and there has never been a better preacher than Jesus Christ, His Words and His actions in the New Testament testify that you can trust in Him. You gotta love Him. Thats the best source… the Living Word of God.

At least that’s my experience as well as millions of other’s… I would never have believed in my adult life in the words of another human being, whether it be a priest or a man… but I would see the trustworthyness of Jesus in Scripture. He is the Love.

Grace 👍
Ps… I am happy for you that you found love. But guard your heart and your purity, okay… God bless you.
 
I was without church or god until I married in 1987 at age 26 to my very Catholic wife. But it still took me until 1993 to go through RCIA and convert. Keep your faith strong and active. If he meets more people from your church he will be more likely to get involved and then you just wait for the conversion. Ask your Priest what outreach programs he thinks might help your bf.
 
Pray for your boyfriend and if the opportunity arises tell him that you pray for him!

Make it clear that it is not about praying for him to be “saved” or to become Christian which is what a lot of my Protestant friends would do. You can tell him that he is a special person that is now included in your prayers for your family and other people important in your life when you ask for God to pour out many blessings upon them. If God chooses to bless him with faith then so much the better!

You might be surprised one day if he asks to pray with you or for you to tell him about why or how you pray.
 
I second “Catholicism for Dummies”. Also, since you are here at CA forums, I’m sure you are really up to speed on the faith, but one way you might teach him about our faith is to go over some basics yourself and then discuss what you learned. (Nothing too deep. 🙂 ) You know, something like, “I was thinking about ______ and read up on it again. Did you know ________?” I think it’s really important that people realize that our faith journey is ongoing and that we must continue to learn. So many think “I’m in!” and then don’t do anything to grow in faith. Also, as a person who also grew up “unchurched”, I know that there seems to be a lot to learn. That can be overwhelming. But, knowing that there are others are continuing to study, learn and grow helps immensely.

Kathy

Kathy
 
There are great Catholic Q&A books out there that you can get him to read if he is interested. You can also intorduce him to CAF!!! 😃 (if you do have him PM me!) I have a great list of some books that he could read. You could also have EWTN tunned on your T.V. when he comes over. He might get interested. EWTN is what bought me back to the faith and helped me be open to my vocation.
 
One more thing, in case you cannot tell I am a big fan of CRHP. If your church has CRHP and he goes through the weekend he will be changed, never sure to what level he will make it to, but I have not seen anyone walk away less. Then if he continues to host the next weekend I would say he is officially converted!

Good Luck
Leroy
 
That’s Christ Renews His Parish. It has proven to be quite effective in bringing back those who have drifted away from their Faith as well as being able to touch even those who are not Catholic, but are interested.
 
Let me add Scott Hahn’s “Reasons To Believe” and the “Surprised by Truth” books. Great stuff! I, too, was raised without God even mentioned in our home. I became Christian after reading C.S. Lewis’ book “Mere Christianity.” I became a “born-again” Christian, and by the grace of God, a Catholic a few years later. I am so on fire for the Church and the Faith, and, of, course, Jesus! I would love to give this joy to everyone I know, but I have learned over the years that the best way to do that is to gently offer information, live your life as an impeccable example of a Catholic (as Scott Hahn says, the best witness is to be the best son/ daughter/ parent/spouse/ worker/ boss you can be. People pay more attention to how you LIVE more than what you SAY.) Then, PRAY fervently for those seeking truth to find it. The rest is up to God! 👍
 
Hi Marie, my fiance is much like your boyfriend. His parents were nominally Christian, but he never had any kind of religion or spirituality in his upbringing. He is, however, a man of very honest and upright character and has kept his promise that he made early on to remain chaste with me.

My advice is to go easy with it. When he asks a question, it’s OKAY to not have the answer right away! Early on I didn’t realize this and I would get super-defensive when I felt like I didn’t know enough to answer his questions. And he asks some really off-the-wall stuff, too.

Be honest and upfront about the things you cannot compromise on because of your faith. Telling my then-boyfriend about my opposition to using contraceptives was pretty much the most awkward conversation ever, and we very nearly broke up over it. But it is better to talk about those things now, than sweep them under the rug only to have them be a huge issue if the relationship progresses.

Be patient. To people who haven’t been raised in a religion, Catholicism can seem very alien at times. Heck, it’s hard enough with our Protestant brethren - with non-religious people it’s like we’re speaking a different language! The things we take for granted, like blessing ourselves with holy water, are just mysteries to them.I have learned to use little stories and examples to illustrate doctrine. Theological language just doesn’t cut it with him.

Pray together. See if he will agree to read the Bible with you. That’s a good start.

I second the recommendation for Catholicism for Dummies. Excellent book, and the authors are orthodox in their approach. I gave it to my fiance and he enjoyed it even though he is not a big reader.

Also get a green scapular for your boyfriend. It is supposed to be very effective in conversions. See if he will carry it or just keep it in his bedroom, and say the prayer for him.

God bless you!
 
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