Boyfriend

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Fidelia

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Hi. I have talked about my boyfriend on the forum before, I don’t remember where, or what thread. Probably in moral theo. come to think of it… but anyway long story short, we have been together about three and 1/2 years, july '04 to april '06 (he broke up with me, then contacted me in june asking for another chance, so since july we have been a couple again, giving it another chance… and the same things bother me, the things that I had wanted -and needed- to change haven’t, even though he said things would be better. I am really feeling like it is over, even though that really makes me sad too.
It is a hard decision for me to come to.
I just don’t know how to bring it up with him also…
 
Have you prayed about this? Go front of the Blessed Sacrament and listen to what God tells you there. He will instruct you in what to do, and how to do it. He will give you the words to say.
 
I have been praying the Rosary every night (or, at least a decade) asking for guidance, and I always pray for him and us and for guidance about what to do during Mass too. I just feel like it’s over for us.

btw, I like your mib picture. My friend and I actually have wanted to do that and insert the faces of two priests we know!
 
Is this the same boyfriend that thinks premarital sex is okay?

If so, breaking up with him would be very tough, but it would be for the best. 😦 Imagine him passing those morals on to your children :confused:
Fidelia said:
Hi. I have talked about my boyfriend on the forum before, I don’t remember where, or what thread. Probably in moral theo. come to think of it… but anyway long story short, we have been together about three and 1/2 years, july '04 to april '06 (he broke up with me, then contacted me in june asking for another chance, so since july we have been a couple again, giving it another chance… and the same things bother me, the things that I had wanted -and needed- to change haven’t, even though he said things would be better. I am really feeling like it is over, even though that really makes me sad too.
It is a hard decision for me to come to.
I just don’t know how to bring it up with him also…
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You remember eh?
I just tlaked on the phone with him and broke up. That wasn’t the only issue. But I thought about it a lot. :crying: I feel really sad about having to, but I feel like I had to.
 
I actually searched the board when I saw this thread and that’s where I saw your post. I agree that you did the right thing in this situation. 😦
Fidelia said:
You remember eh?
I just tlaked on the phone with him and broke up. That wasn’t the only issue. But I thought about it a lot. :crying: I feel really sad about having to, but I feel like I had to.
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ah ok. I looked in my profile and didn’t see anything that I remembered mentioning him in. I just feel so bad about it. like I am giving up on him. But really, how long was i supposed to wait for things to (name removed by moderator)rove? I wanted to give him a second chance, and i did. But nothing really was different.
 
Fidelia said:
I just feel so bad about it. like I am giving up on him. But really, how long was i supposed to wait for things to (name removed by moderator)rove? I wanted to give him a second chance, and i did. But nothing really was different.
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In situations like this you have two choices…
give up on him, or give up on yourself.**
Dating is the time to discern what kind of spouse the person would be and if it is compatible to what you want out of life. Dating is the time to be selfish (in a good way). You are making a decision that will be with you for the rest of your life and directly affect your potential future children. It is not a time to put someone’s feelings above your needs.
You gave him another chance. You weren’t morally obligated to do that. You have already gone above and beyond what was required of you. Breakups are extremely difficult. The longer you are with someone the harder it is to “give up on” them. But you need to consider God’s will for your life and try to adhere to it.
I pray that you heal from the heartbreak and don’t take on any irrational guilt. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Pray that he changes and will make a good husband someday…to someone else.
Malia
 
Thanks Malia. I just have this strange misture of feelings right now. Part really sad, part, almost relieved (?). Maybe i guess because i knew i had to do it. I don;t know. I was really unhappy in the relationship, but breaking up made me feel unhappy too.
 
Fidelia said:
Thanks Malia. I just have this strange misture of feelings right now. Part really sad, part, almost relieved (?). Maybe i guess because i knew i had to do it. I don;t know. I was really unhappy in the relationship, but breaking up made me feel unhappy too.
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It takes alot of courage to do the right thing, especially if it makes us feel bad/unhappy/scared etc. Have faith that God has a plan for your life and as long as you are open to it, you will get over this heartache and go on to have a happy life.
** I totally understand what you are going through right now… I broke up with 2 serious longe term boyfriends before I met and married my hubby. I thought each was going to be the man I married and spent a combined 7 years on those relationships. I shudder now to think of either of those guys as my husband. Stay strong and look to God to get you through…**
**Malia **
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
It takes alot of courage to do the right thing, especially if it makes us feel bad/unhappy/scared etc. Have faith that God has a plan for your life and as long as you are open to it, you will get over this heartache and go on to have a happy life.
** I totally understand what you are going through right now… I broke up with 2 serious longe term boyfriends before I met and married my hubby. I thought each was going to be the man I married and spent a combined 7 years on those relationships. I shudder now to think of either of those guys as my husband. Stay strong and look to God to get you through…**
**Malia **
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You write such wonderful posts Malia!! They always give me hope!!

Fidelia, you did the right thing. As much as we may love someone, when deep down we know they are not right for us, we have to let them go. That is for their sake as well as our own. I recommend praying for him, with all your might. That will help ease your guilt, because you will know you are doing something positive for him. Praying is the best gift we can give anyone.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
I hope that through prayer and faith you will find what you are looking for. The best thing to do is to work on yourself and be the best you can be. The answers will present themselves to you in this way. I will pray for you and your boyfriend.
 
Thank you for your prayers. I will try to be as positive as i can. I will continue to pray for him. I feel that I will not stop loving him.
 
Fidelia said:
ah ok. I looked in my profile and didn’t see anything that I remembered mentioning him in. I just feel so bad about it. like I am giving up on him. But really, how long was i supposed to wait for things to (name removed by moderator)rove? I wanted to give him a second chance, and i did. But nothing really was different.
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waiting for what to improve? second chance on what?
once a jerk always a jerk, it is a personality defect and not likely to change.
I have no idea what your issues are, but if the involve pressuring you into sex, and sexual promiscuity and infidelity on his part, no that won’t change, up to you to decide how miserable you want to be.
 
There was no pressure at all to have sex. just a difference in moral values concerning it. And other issues as well that never got better.
 
Fidelia said:
Thank you for your prayers. I will try to be as positive as i can. I will continue to pray for him. I feel that I will not stop loving him.
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**If it helps, you don’t have to stop loving him. I still love my ex boyfriends, but as people. What I mean by that is that I sincerely hope for them to be happy in their lives, make good choices, and ultimately to find and love God.

I know that in today’s society it is common to hate our exes. But if they are not terrible people but just weren’t compatible, it’s hard to hate them. Then you think that because you don’t hate them that maybe you should still be together! What a screwed up view of love and relationships that today’s culture provides to us:( **

**You will get through this. You will statrt to feel better about this decision in time. Until then, try to think eith your head instead of your heart. Your heart will catch up eventually. **

malia
 
Yea. In my heart I wish I could just forgive and forgive and keep giving him chances but in my head I know it’s not productive for either of us to be doing that.
 
Fidelia said:
Yea. In my heart I wish I could just forgive and forgive and keep giving him chances but in my head I know it’s not productive for either of us to be doing that.
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The forgiving part is good. The giving of more chances is not. I agree with the advice given by other folks on here. Each time you give another “chance” you are hurting yourself since there are fundamental things missing from within your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, i.e. agreeing on core values, morals, faith, etc. A romatic relationship should not be a ministry. It is not your job to save him, that can only be done by Jesus Christ. A rightly ordered relationship is one in which both partners lead one another towards Christ and towards the beatific vision in Heaven.

Separation is very difficult especially when you have so much history and emotions together. However, this is one of those times where one must take those feelings of pain, heartache and anguish and unite them with the pain Christ feels on the cross, the pain of rejection and anguish He feels from all those who continue to sin and hurt themselves in spite of the great sacrifice he made and continues to make for us for all time.

Courage my dear sister, courage!

~JPII - pray for us~
 
For what it’s worth, God brought the woman of my dreams to me when I was doing the most to get comfortable with myself. There isn’t a woman out there who’s going to make me whole, but it took me a long time to learn that.

I had to break up with a sweet Catholic girl who wanted me to have sex with her before marriage. That I could not do. And I had to weigh that against all her other attributes. I didn’t want the responsibility of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy in exchange for a few minutes of pleasure.

Fidelia, you did the right thing. You won’t change him. You need someone who accepts you as you are, and you accept him as he is. Does it hurt to lose him? Of course. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have to move on.

Having no relationship at all is better than being in a lousy one. Believe me. Don’t settle for second best.
 
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