Boys & Girls as Friends

[Seeking_Wisdom]

I opened a thread under the same title & have some further questions.

My siblings and I grew up with same gender friends so this is something I have no background to help me with.

One of the families we associate with have a son & a daughter which are friends with my children. My eldest daughter (9 yrs.) grew up with their son of the same age. They are best friends. My daughter says this boy is like a brother. Their 6 year old daughter is also good friends with both of my daughters. I will let my daughters invite her over to spend the night but not her brother.

He’s a really nice and sensitive kid, & I can see he gets his feelings hurt when this happens. I feel for him but don’t want to allow something that in a couple of years won’t be appropriate.

Any suggestions?

 

[Tom]

You have two girls and no boys? If this is the case you’re absolutely correct to not invite the son to spend the night.

 

[Meggie]

If, however, you were doing a camp out type thing with you and or your wife with the kids at all times at their age it would not hurt.

I have 22 cousins and 17 of them are boys. We had tons of “campouts” were I was the only girl…if my parents or aunts or uncles were not there I slept in a different tent…but it was not a big deal

 

[La_Chiara]

Seeking Wisdom–Your responsibility is to your own children first and foremost. The boy’s parents are responsible for dealing with his hurt feelings. You certainly can talk to his parents and share your concerns.

I am concerned that you are unable to see this situation clearly and take a firm stand in the best interests of your daughters.To me, this situation is very cut and dried. Your children and this boy need to know appropriate gender roles. If you are this ambivalent this far into the parenting game, you probably haven’t had a lot of other discussions with your daughters about personal safety that you really should have by their ages. Your ambivalence about this situation when your daughter is 9 suggests that you may have even more child-rearing difficulties ahead. Have you talked about this with your pediatrician, priest, school counselor, or similar? Surely, they would discourage you from co-ed sleepovers.

 

[Seeking_Wisdom]

La Chiara:

Seeking Wisdom–Your responsibility is to your own children first and foremost. The boy’s parents are responsible for dealing with his hurt feelings. You certainly can talk to his parents and share your concerns.

I am concerned that you are unable to see this situation clearly and take a firm stand in the best interests of your daughters.To me, this situation is very cut and dried. Your children and this boy need to know appropriate gender roles. If you are this ambivalent this far into the parenting game, you probably haven’t had a lot of other discussions with your daughters about personal safety that you really should have by their ages. Your ambivalence about this situation when your daughter is 9 suggests that you may have even more child-rearing difficulties ahead. Have you talked about this with your pediatrician, priest, school counselor, or similar? Surely, they would discourage you from co-ed sleepovers.

Thanks for your response. I am not ambivalent by any means when it comes to issues of morals. We stand firm in our decision to not let this little boy spend the night. I am extremely conservative in a society of much looser standards.

It was more a question of how to approach it, words to use, etc. I have continuously had age appropriate discussions re: the differences between boys and girls, modesty, how to treat their bodies, how others should treat their bodies, etc. I understand it is difficult to know the extent of somebodies resolve with so little information. Sorry if I mislead you.

Your comment on it being the boy’s parents job to deal with his hurt feelings was helpful, however. And, yes, I will talk to them about this concern because I’m not sure if they are aware of his feelings in this situation.