Bringing food to a grieving husband?

[FullOfThought]

One of our friends passed away today and I really would like to visit with her husband and bring him some food to ensure he is eating. He is an older gentleman with no family here.

What is the appropriate way to do this? Do I call before and ask if I can visit with him or just show up? Any suggestions for what items/meals I should bring with me?

Thank you!

 

[silicasandra]

I would suggest a call beforehand to be courteous. If he is not willing to visit (it might be hard for him), ask if it would be okay if you brought over a meal for him, and a good time to drop it off. Casseroles or other meals that just require heating and not a lot of extra work are a plus. I would suggest using foil pans or other disposable items so he isn’t burdened with washing everything and then worrying about returning it. You can also just ask him what he likes to eat or if he has any dietary issues.

If he is open to it, you might coordinate a mealtrain or similar. Then you’re not doing all of the work.

 

[mary_bobo]

I would suggest a call beforehand to be courteous. If he is not willing to visit (it might be hard for him), ask if it would be okay if you brought over a meal for him, and a good time to drop it off. Casseroles or other meals that just require heating and not a lot of extra work are a plus. I would suggest using foil pans or other disposable items so he isn’t burdened with washing everything and then worrying about returning it. You can also just ask him what he likes to eat or if he has any dietary issues.

If he is open to it, you might coordinate a mealtrain or similar. Then you’re not doing all of the work.

What a wonderful idea. I don’t think men, especially older ones, get along well alone.

 

[CB_Catholic]

One of our friends passed away today and I really would like to visit with her husband and bring him some food to ensure he is eating. He is an older gentleman with no family here.

What is the appropriate way to do this? Do I call before and ask if I can visit with him or just show up? Any suggestions for what items/meals I should bring with me?

Thank you!

I would call first, and I would prepare something that can be easily frozen and then heated up, and leave instructions how to do it. At this time he may be receiving food from friends/neighbors/ family, so something he can freeze the leftovers for later after things have settled may be helpful.

When my MIL passed, a neighbor brought over a huge pot of chicken soup. We ate some, then froze the rest for my FIL to heat up when all the sandwich meat, potato salad, etc ran out and he did not feel like cooking or eating out. Or perhaps a nice casserole or stuffed cabbage or peppers, which portion and freeze easily.

 

[Aggie414]

What you could do is make up an extra plate for him for whatever you make for your family - put it in a disposable foil plate/pan (maybe a pie tin) – and then that way it’s one serving (or maybe two). The things with casseroles are they are a lot of food, and as a single person, a lot of it could get thrown away because even if he freezes it, it’s still a whole pan of food. Also, depending on his age, I know a lot of older people don’t eat a lot – at least the ones I’m around a lot – plus he might just not feel like eating. So a smaller portion might be better for him.

Let me also say I think it’s a very nice thing you’re doing!!!

 

[aloe]

Let him know you are bringing a meal beforehand. That is very kind.
I doubt the particular food matters much.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

One of our friends passed away today and I really would like to visit with her husband and bring him some food to ensure he is eating. He is an older gentleman with no family here.

What is the appropriate way to do this? Do I call before and ask if I can visit with him or just show up? Any suggestions for what items/meals I should bring with me?

Thank you!

If you deliver a meal that is to be eaten that night, it’s nice to include a bagged salad or some sort of vegetable too. And maybe a small dessert?

If taking meals that are frozen or meant for later, then don’t include the salad as they go bad in just a few days.

Maybe someone is already organizing a meal “train” for him. If so, he may give you that person’s phone number and that makes it easy for you. You just sign up for a couple of the days, get or make the food and take it over.

 

[skigirl1689]

Just a thought…every time we’ve had a death in the family, the immediate family was swamped with food, too much even for my large extended family. Do you know if he’ll have family coming into town? I remember fresh fruit being very welcomed to offset all of the casseroles and meat-and-cheese trays. Also bringing it to the funeral home if there is a wake/visitation is a good option too.

Perhaps remember him again a few weeks to months after the funeral when others tend to forget about the widows/windowers and it is quite lonely for them.

 

[EasterJoy]

Call ahead, find out what he likes by saying you’d like to make something for him and listing what you had in mind, and package it so he can put it in the freezer. For instance, you can make lasagna in breadpan-sized portions, so he won’t have to eat the same thing for a week when he bakes it.

When someone has a bad appetite, the sight of a lot of food can kill what appetite they have. I’d second the suggestion to make casseroles to go into the freezer in single or double portions and stews or the like frozen into freezer bags for single portions. Anything that can go from “this sounds good tonight” to the table in an hour or less. If it needs anything more than reheating in the microwave, put the instructions on the outside of each package.

More to the point, ask him over to have dinner with you, or a Sunday lunch after Mass. Widows and widowers sometimes feel like lepers. If he could come have a meal with you, you can ask how he’s doing, and then share some special memory of his wife that you think of when you miss her, that might be very good for him. If he doesn’t travel, ask if you can bring lunch to share at his place, and go to the trouble to make it special. This will also give you an idea of what amount of food constitutes “a portion” for him.

You might also ask if his wife had any specialities, and if so, did she leave recipes? Expect it to take several tries to get it the way she made it.

Put a tickler in your file to do a wellness check once a month for at least a year.