Broke up with friends? makes sense?

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Alexandria2020

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I was born Catholic, but left the faith during my teens and 20s. I was mainly an agnostic most of my life. I returned back to the Catholic faith some 4 years ago or so. I got married in the church 3 years ago.

Post-marriage I kinda broke up with my friends, as they had a mainly secular attitude to life. They weren’t religious in any way and we mainly hung out by getting drunk and such. So obviously I didn’t share the same values with them after returning to my faith and slowly we parted ways as friends. We stopped hanging out and such.

I got a missed call from one of my old friends from this circle today (after like 15 months of our last communication). Does it make sense to call back? Or maintain some kind of friendship with them? part of me regrets of having done that.
 
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I would call back to see what they wanted to say. Who knows: maybe that particular individual is more mature now and does not want to be part of that circle anymore and needs someone similar to hang out with.
 
It isn’t a sin to stop hanging out with old friends. It happens a lot, because people’s interests and the demands life makes on each person in a group is bound to change.

Sure, call back. Growing out of binge drinking as a necessary part of socializing is pretty common. It could be this friend is looking to re-connect with a friend who grew out of the habit a little sooner than he or she did. Or this old friend may be looking for someone who would be a support to a life of sobriety. This could even be someone interested in joining the Catholic Church or someone who is dating a Catholic who has questions.
 
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Contacting them does not mean you need to hang out again like the old days. It could be a new start in their maturing. Maybe they see how you are and want to change their life too.

If not, there is no need to reconnect. A simple “well, it’s been nice catching up with you” should suffice.
 
Returning a phone call doesn’t mean you need to go back to binge drinking with them or even go back to spending time together. I think your situation is fairly common. After I got married and had kids I had little in common with my unmarried and childless friends and we grew apart. Most of them are not catholic or religious at all. But even so, I would always take a phone call from someone who was/is a friend no matter how long it has been. If the conversation is not something I want to continue after answering I can just hang up! I would be concerned after 15 months of not speaking the call may be something serious like a mutual friend or family member of this friend passed away and they wanted to let you know.
 
If an old friend becomes an occasion of sin for you and is a bad influence on you then you must cut ties. For example, if your old friend expects you to get drunk with them every time you catch up or uses impure language when they are in your presence then unfortunately they must go as per Matthew 5:30:

30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.

St Alphonus Liguori preaches an excellent sermon on “avoiding bad company” here:

SERMON LXII THIRTEENTH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST. - ON AVOIDING BAD COMPANY (pg 177)

http://www.catholicapologetics.info/scripture/newtestament/liguori.pdf

St Alphonsus quotes a number of passages from the Bible in the sermon too:

“A friend of fools," says the Holy Ghost, “shall become like them.” (Prov. xiii. 20.)

“With the elect thou wilt be elect, and with the perverse thou wilt be perverted." (Ps. xvii. 27.)

“They were mingled among the heathens, and learned their works." (Ps. cv. 35.)

”He that toucheth pitch shall be defiled with it; and he that hath fellowship with the proud shall put on pride." (Eccl. xiii. 1.)

”Restrain thy foot from their paths." (Prov. i. 15.)

”My son," says Solomon, “if sinners shall entice thee, consent not to them.” (Prov. i. 10.)

”Will the bird fall into the snare upon the earth if there be no fowler?" (Amos iii. 5.)

“My enemies, ” says Jeremias, ”have chased me, and have caught me like a bird without cause.” (Lamen. iii. 52.)

”Who," says Ecclesiasticus, ”will pity an enchanter struck by a serpent, or any that come near wild beasts? So it is with him that keepeth company with a wicked man." (Eccl. xii. 13.)

“Beware of false prophets.” (Matt. vii. 15 )

“Evil communications,” says the Apostle, "corrupt good manners.” (1 Cor xv 63.)

”Depart from the unjust," says the Lord, “and evils shall depart from thee.” (Eccl. vii. 2.)

”Neither let the way of evil men please thee. Flee from it: pass not by it: go aside and forsake it." (Prov. iv. 14, 15.)

”Hedge in thy ears with thorns, hear not a wicked tongue." (Eccl. xxviii. 28.)

You must, then, fly from scandalous friends, who, by their bad examples and words, poison your soul. ”A man’s enemies shall be they of his own household." (Matt. x. 36.)
 
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Jesus ate and drank with sinners, prostitutes and tax collectors. We are to be light to the world and we cannot do that unless we are out there, being in the world, not of the world.

Call your friend. Be light to them.
 
I’ve always been kinda manipulated with this friend who called me. That’s why I’m a bit hesitant. I was more naive back in the days. And was taken advantage by them.
 
I was also wondering about what the past was like. Wondering if after all this time there was something this person “Needed” or “wanted” from you, and thought you would be the person to manipulate.

Still, you would be going in this time with your eyes wide open. Well actually, with your spouses eyes wide open as well. Nothing needs to be decided or committed to by calling back. Just see what/why they called and take it from there.
 
Alexandria2020 said:
I’ve always been kinda manipulated with this friend who called me. That’s why I’m a bit hesitant. I was more naive back in the days. And was taken advantage by them.
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If they ask for any help it might be best to ignore them, and it has been over year too.
 
Then you know if you are ready. Do you still feel attachment to that friend? Are you ready to confidently be Catholic if the subject come that way? Or you gonna try to please and talk like old days?
 
Irishmom2 said:
I was also wondering about what the past was like. Wondering if after all this time there was something this person “Needed” or “wanted” from you, and thought you would be the person to manipulate.

Still, you would be going in this time with your eyes wide open. Well actually, with your spouses eyes wide open as well. Nothing needs to be decided or committed to by calling back. Just see what/why they called and take it from there.
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strangely for a man, this friend gossips around a lot. I remember him talking behind the back about many others.

So I guess he wants to know what I’m upto? my wife, family, employment, etc.
 
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Possibly. I suppose you should ask yourself if you need someone like that in your life or not. Do you miss their company or not.

If your life has been going along just fine without them, maybe, considering all of the things you have revealed since your OP, it is better to just let things go. There is no law that says we need to answer every call, or remain in touch with everyone from our past.
 
Irishmom2 said:
If your life has been going along just fine without them, maybe, considering all of the things you have revealed since your OP, it is better to just let things go. There is no law that says we need to answer every call, or remain in touch with everyone from our past.
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true.
and since I was always very naive when I was younger and since this friendship formed at such a phase of my life, I think it’s best to cut all ties with them. Afterall I have a family now, and as spiritual head of my household I have to be extra careful now.
 
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That’s true. You don’t need any old drama, considering how you described them. Your family is what matters now, not how you are perceived by those in your past that no longer know you.
 
I personally don’t ignore calls from anyone, but it’s up to you. If you really want to know what he wants, you will have to talk to him though, no one here can really answer that question, if it’s not someone you want back in your life, well that’s your choice too
 
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