Brother Divorced and Dating

[PsalmChanter]

I am not asking for comment on what my brother-in-law has done, but rather how to explain it to my 4 1/2 year old daughter. (My 2 year old son won’t notice.)

My brother-in-law was not married in the Church, though he was baptised Catholic. He was not raised Catholic. (No First Reconciliation or Confirmation, for example.) He does not attend church.

How do I explain to my daughter that he is no longer married? How do I explain his girlfriend now that he is dating?

One friend suggested telling her that he was not married in God’s Church, so it was never a sacrament. I’m not sure that conveys our disapproval of what happened and it might be a bit too cerebral.

I want our daughter to understand how much we value marriage without having her come to hate her uncle because he did a bad thing. Kids this age think in such black and white.

So, any advice on what to say, or on whether we should avoid family functions where he might bring his girlfriend?

Thank you,
Lisa

 

[dhgray]

Simply explain that because your BIL was not married in the Church, it’s OK for him to get see other girls again.

Bless you for your concern.

 

[Island_Oak]

Has your daughter asked you about it? If not…she may not have noticed and I can’t see any reason to bring it to her atttention. I would let her lead with her questions and not provide anymore information than is absolutely necessary. And remember…whatever you say to her in explanation can and will be repeated by her so be judicious and charitable.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

I do not believe that waiting for a child to ask questions is always a good idea. Your daughter may see your brother’s behavior and not question it. She may see it as normal when you obviously want to convey that marriage is sacred.

I would say start by explaining that marriage is sacred and that God never wants a divorce to happen. That being said, her uncle is a person, a part of the family, who deserves to be loved and respected (like every other person), regardless of his mistakes.

I’m glad you are concerned for her, and I pray that you will find a way to talk with her about this issue that conveys both what is right and compassion for those who do wrong.

God bless,

 

[bear06]

PsalmChanter:

I am not asking for comment on what my brother-in-law has done, but rather how to explain it to my 4 1/2 year old daughter. (My 2 year old son won’t notice.)

My brother-in-law was not married in the Church, though he was baptised Catholic. He was not raised Catholic. (No First Reconciliation or Confirmation, for example.) He does not attend church.

How do I explain to my daughter that he is no longer married? How do I explain his girlfriend now that he is dating?

One friend suggested telling her that he was not married in God’s Church, so it was never a sacrament. I’m not sure that conveys our disapproval of what happened and it might be a bit too cerebral.

I want our daughter to understand how much we value marriage without having her come to hate her uncle because he did a bad thing. Kids this age think in such black and white.

So, any advice on what to say, or on whether we should avoid family functions where he might bring his girlfriend?

Thank you,
Lisa

If he claims he is not Catholic, his first marriage may very well be valid. I’ve asked this question on the AAA forum and it seems if somebody has renounced the Faith than their marriages outside the Church can be valid. I’m not sure if civil ceremonies count though.
For example: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=8894&highlight=wedding+catholic+renounced

Short of not attending any functions where the girlfriend may be, you might try and explain to your daughter that Uncle X doesn’t understand that he is still married and doesn’t understand that he is not free to look for another wife and that you should all pray that he does what God wants him to do. Hopefully this shouldn’t lead to your daughter hating him but rather to want to help him through prayer. I’ve found children to understand sin at a very young age far better than adults and they are far more understanding that we have all sinned. It can also be a good example. The catechims we use points out that little sins lead to bigger sins and this might be a good example of that.