Building rapport with teens

[untruestory]

Hello all!

This is my second year assisting with faith formation. Last year I had a small group of juniors. I feel I did an acceptable job for my first shot at it. This year I have a large group of freshman boys… It’s very different. My son is a 10th grader and all I’ll say is if he acted like some of those boys I’d flip.

Our youth minister is awesome but she’s a big teddy bear. She’s somewhat of a softy and the kids sometimes take advantage of that. The other volunteers take after her. I’m more of disciplinarian and the atmosphere of niceness makes me crazy.

We’re starting off with “Altaration”. I feel like I need to put that on pause and set the propper tone for them to get any value out of the lessons. With the older kids I feel like the smaller group, the fact they were all actually interested, and their added maturity made it much easier to be productive.

I need ideas:
#1 Some “trick” or exercise I can do in 45 minutes or less to jump start things and get us on the right track.
#2 What I can do on a weekly basis starting today to build respect without coming across as a drill sargent. Because everyone else is so nice I feel like I might, in contrast, have made that impression.
#3 When I meet with parents in a few weeks, what can we talk about to nurture the process of faith formation when 80% don’t even attend the Mass.

 

[Upgrade25]

Don’t try to be “cool for them”, but don’t come off as a control freak either. Get to know them, I’d say. Do a simple game to get to know each other, name, few facts, because if they’re anything like we were, elaborate games make us unresponsive. (I’m a freshman)

Then, just come off as you, I’d say. Freshmen don’t want to be babied or commanded. They want honesty. Teach the faith as well as you can. And don’t try to be "cool for them. Please. It is mistake numero uno.

Pax Christi

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think you have always got to try and meet teens where they’re at rather than where you want them to be. Be prepared for tricky questions. Don’t try to be cool, be yourself as most people can see through that. Don’t just assume that these teens are younger versions of yourself, I have seen a lot of people take this approach to younger people when they fail to realise that younger generations have grown up in a different time with different norms.

God bless you for doing this as it’s important and difficult work. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[pianistclare]

45 minutes is way too long for an ice breaker.
Greet everyone, have them sign in, and then do a BRIEF game…something that applies to the lesson. Like a telegraph game if the topic is handing down stories through the ages.
Then move to the lesson, beginning with Scripture and a prayer alsp applying to the lesson. Proceed to content, ask questions for review, then take another “brain break”. Maybe a Busted Halo video clip that applies. Teach in 15-20 minutes segments. Have a worksheet, or 4 questions for small group discussion and have them come back as a group to relate what their group discussed. Finish with a prayer (including intentions for the week). I make homemade holy cards and ask them to keep them on their dresser. After a time, they are anxious to receive them, as they often apply to their personal situations.

Good luck.

If I may ask, why are you using a classroom model, and not a youth group of mixed ages??
How many teens are in your class?
Do you take them to do community service elsewhere?

 

[Anglewannabe]

If I understand correctly, you are a volunteer as well. So, I would talk to the youth minister about your concern and mention you want better behavior from the kids. I think all the adults need to get on the same page and agree to what will be allowed/disallowed and how to enforce it.

if you get NO co-operation from the other adults…personally, I would consider quitting. No kid is going to listen to the strict adult when they know all the other adults will but the strict adult in her place.

Without the support of the leader, you are fighting a loosing battle

Angie

 

[untruestory]

45 minutes is way too long for an ice breaker.
Greet everyone, have them sign in, and then do a BRIEF game…something that applies to the lesson. Like a telegraph game if the topic is handing down stories through the ages.
Then move to the lesson, beginning with Scripture and a prayer alsp applying to the lesson. Proceed to content, ask questions for review, then take another “brain break”. Maybe a Busted Halo video clip that applies. Teach in 15-20 minutes segments. Have a worksheet, or 4 questions for small group discussion and have them come back as a group to relate what their group discussed. Finish with a prayer (including intentions for the week). I make homemade holy cards and ask them to keep them on their dresser. After a time, they are anxious to receive them, as they often apply to their personal situations.

Good luck.

If I may ask, why are you using a classroom model, and not a youth group of mixed ages??
How many teens are in your class?
Do you take them to do community service elsewhere?

I wasn’t asking for a 45 minute ice breaker/game to do every week. In fact, I’m not a fan of them unless there’s a specific purpose or lesson tied into it.

I think maybe you missed my question/concern: We’re starting their first experience as freshmen with Altaration, which feels like diving right in. There’s no warming or building up to it. Students that I have rapport with respect me and are interactive. The freshmen assume it’s okay to be unruly and there’s no trust so they so are very withheld. If all I do is run through lessons it will take months to establish that rapport.

Our youth minister has divided our lessons by grade where we meet for the presentation of material, lecture, etc, then break out in smaller groups w/ boys and girls separate. We have roughly 30 total students. I have all the boys in my small group which is about 1/3 of that. Students sign up for service activities and are required X amount of hours before confirmation.

 

[pianistclare]

I wasn’t asking for a 45 minute ice breaker/game to do every week. In fact, I’m not a fan of them unless there’s a specific purpose or lesson tied into it.

I think maybe you missed my question/concern: We’re starting their first experience as freshmen with Altaration, which feels like diving right in. There’s no warming or building up to it. Students that I have rapport with respect me and are interactive. The freshmen assume it’s okay to be unruly and there’s no trust so they so are very withheld. If all I do is run through lessons it will take months to establish that rapport.

Our youth minister has divided our lessons by grade where we meet for the presentation of material, lecture, etc, then break out in smaller groups w/ boys and girls separate. We have roughly 30 total students. I have all the boys in my small group which is about 1/3 of that. Students sign up for service activities and are required X amount of hours before confirmation.

Why are they separated?
I have no idea what you mean by Altaration.

 

[Irishmom2]

We’re starting off with “Altaration”. I feel like I need to put that on pause and set the propper tone for them to get any value out of the lessons. With the older kids I feel like the smaller group, the fact they were all actually interested, and their added maturity made it much easier to be productive.

I need ideas:
#1 Some “trick” or exercise I can do in 45 minutes or less to jump start things and get us on the right track.
#2 What I can do on a weekly basis starting today to build respect without coming across as a drill sargent. Because everyone else is so nice I feel like I might, in contrast, have made that impression.
#3 When I meet with parents in a few weeks, what can we talk about to nurture the process of faith formation when 80% don’t even attend the Mass.

I am going to guess that I am older than you as my kids are grown. But I have no idea what Altaration is.

If you don’t want to come across as a drill sargeant, then don’t act like one. Be “nice” like everyone else. This is not a college course. Have one calm discussion of your expectations as far as being quiet and respectful. Let them know if they talk out of turn, they will come sit beside you like kindergarten. It works. Tell them once what the order of business will be, giving a few minutes to settle down, light a candle, open with a prayer, and start your class.

I hope you are not going to bring up the 80% statistic. There is nothing you can do to change that except to say that you encourage everyone to attend mass with their son or daughter. Say that you realize some may have drifted away from mass, but this might be a nice time to return.