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halivie
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Avoid even the appearance of impropriety, accept correction gracefully and humbly, make a friend of your enemy; that is my advice grasshopper 
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EasterJoy
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Yes, it is offense whenever a priest, by virtue of his office, is more able to target any vulnerable person, even a full-grown adult woman who also happens to be going through a divorce or some other emotionally difficult period in her life that needs pastoral care. Even making a woman who is new to the parish into a target would add to the offense against chastity. There is a degree to which she is more victim than co-conspirator. Certainly I donāt think the OP has any designs to seduce a priest!!
Priests who seduce any woman are of course absolutely out of bounds, but especially any priest who uses his priesthood to gain her trust. This isnāt just about what the Church can get sued about. It is about what can cause traumatic damage to members of the faithful, the priesthood, and the Church. A priest who cannot live according to the discipline of celibacy, like a man who is already married to someone else, needs to be legitimately recognized as released from his vows before he acts as like a man who is free to pursue marriage.
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thequeen
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I have noticed that also, that all of her post that I have read are about relationships and boundaries with priests.Altargirl ,all your posts on this forum have been about your relationships with priests,asking whether their behavior was inappropriate or complaining that others view yours as inappropriatejust saying
and complaining about your pastors direction to a priest under his authority is inappropriate to the nth degree if the pastor says a behavior is its overly affectionate and publicly indiscreet end of story.
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april32010
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EasterJoy
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Still, I think sheās read what was written. Maybe it gave her something to have in the back of her mind, even if sheās not ready to believe it applies to her just yet. I think sheāll at least see this priest with some question in her mind if he is as appropriate as she thought. I hope he is merely being imprudent, rather than deceiving her and perhaps himself, too, but knowing that there are some priests who act like he does who are definitely not safe will make her safer than she was.and she hasnāt posted since this thread
I hope heās just being imprudent, I really do. There is nothing that would be better news. Still, they need to be mindful of appropriate behavior, because this is about more than just the two of them. This is about what kinds of behaviors not-so-safe priests are going to be allowed because the good priests allow themselves to do it.
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april32010
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thequeen
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Thank you for pointing that out I hadnāt noticed.and she hasnāt posted since this thread
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Altargirl
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I have indeed been reading all of the posts on this thread on a daily basis, with my reason for not posting anything being that the discussion seemed to get out of hand, particularly over the last couple of pages.
Nevertheless, I am grateful for everyoneās advice and concern. Matters have improved substantially at Church, as it did in fact turn out to be the head Altar Server who complained about my presence (as I said, his complaints were made purely out of spitefulness and resentment). Since this revelation, I have been told that I can serve whenever I wish, and the other altar server has been warned by the head of the community not to bother me or my friend again.
In relation to my friendship with this priest, for which there has been much discussion and concern expressed, I stand by my judgment that there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about our friendship or our affection. In the several Catholic parishes in my area, it is very common for a priest to demonstrate affection towards his parishioners, and although my friend only demonstrates such behaviour with me, the justifiable reason for this is that, as a member of a reasonably sized community. his contact with parishioners remains minimised to when it is his turn to say Mass, and so I am fully confident that our behaviour and friendship is not inappropriate in any way.
Thank you to everyone for your advice and contributions.
Nevertheless, I am grateful for everyoneās advice and concern. Matters have improved substantially at Church, as it did in fact turn out to be the head Altar Server who complained about my presence (as I said, his complaints were made purely out of spitefulness and resentment). Since this revelation, I have been told that I can serve whenever I wish, and the other altar server has been warned by the head of the community not to bother me or my friend again.
In relation to my friendship with this priest, for which there has been much discussion and concern expressed, I stand by my judgment that there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about our friendship or our affection. In the several Catholic parishes in my area, it is very common for a priest to demonstrate affection towards his parishioners, and although my friend only demonstrates such behaviour with me, the justifiable reason for this is that, as a member of a reasonably sized community. his contact with parishioners remains minimised to when it is his turn to say Mass, and so I am fully confident that our behaviour and friendship is not inappropriate in any way.
Thank you to everyone for your advice and contributions.
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TheRealJuliane
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Really? What about your previous threads where you expressed a deep concern about this same behavior? It sounds to me as though this priest has told you repeatedly that there is nothing wrong with his particular affection for you, and you are now merely repeating his words here. I think if you are relating what is actually happening, including invitations out to dinner ALONE with him, that his behavior is very inappropriate and that you are a near occasion of sin for him, at least.
What changed, from your past thread(s) to this one?
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EasterJoy
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If this is all cleared up, I assume that you have found you were mistaken when you posted: āIn the past couple of weeks we have enjoyed attending a few events together in the evenings outside regular Mass times, and he has regularly reiterated that heād be put under ārigorousā questioning by the other priestās he lives with if they discovered he was out with me, and so I assume he is not telling them.ā IOW, you have since found that his community is fully aware of the time he spends with you outside of Mass, correct? Did it turn out when he told them that he was told it was nothing to worry himself about? If not, why not?
Also, youāve since found that you were mistaken when you thought that āas we were saying farewell after an event weād been to, he suddenly pulled me close and kissed me deeply on the cheek. This was followed by prolonged staring at one another before he let my hand go. Now as Iāve said, I have never seen or heard of him doing this to any other women, so you can understand why I thought it was very unusual. Furthermore, no one else was or near us at the time.ā IOW, have you since found that this is his customary way of greeting women at church, yes? If not, why not?
And then finally, what have you found about the odd incidents when he did not treat you in that same way that is widely considered totally appropriate in the local culture, but instead āall he did was just vaguely acknowledged my presence and then behave indifferently towards me for the entire evening. Yet again, I watched him say goodbye to all of the parishioners as they were leaving after mass, and he never did more than shake their hands or pat them on the shoulder. Yet when I came to him, he repeated the same manourve of taking my hand in his and gazing at me for a prolonged time, but did not kiss me on the cheek because theyāre were other people around.ā What did you find out that was all about?
After all, you yourself asked: āwhy is he treating me differently to everyone else? Why does he keep saying that his time alone with me would be judged if he was discovered, yet he continues to want my company? And why did he greet me in the unprecendented way he did the other night?ā
Well? Those were very reasonable questions. What answer did you get? Does his superior assure you that you read them all wrong? Has the priest himself even answered those questions? If you have the whole picture, please let us know, because weāre all in the dark about that.
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april32010
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EasterJoy
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If this is all cleared up, I assume that you have found you were mistaken when you posted: āIn the past couple of weeks we have enjoyed attending a few events together in the evenings outside regular Mass times, and he has regularly reiterated that heād be put under ārigorousā questioning by the other priestās he lives with if they discovered he was out with me, and so I assume he is not telling them.ā IOW, you have since found that his community is fully aware of the time he spends with you outside of Mass, correct? Did it turn out when he told them that he was told it was nothing to worry himself about? If not, why not?
Also, youāve since found that you were mistaken when you thought that āas we were saying farewell after an event weād been to, he suddenly pulled me close and kissed me deeply on the cheek. This was followed by prolonged staring at one another before he let my hand go. Now as Iāve said, I have never seen or heard of him doing this to any other women, so you can understand why I thought it was very unusual. Furthermore, no one else was or near us at the time.ā IOW, have you since found that this is his customary way of greeting women at church, yes? If not, why not? After all, you are not the only friend he has among all the women he knows, right? He doesnāt hang in a closet except when he says Mass on weekends.
And then finally, what have you found about the odd incidents when he did not treat you in that same way that is widely considered totally appropriate in the local culture, but instead āall he did was just vaguely acknowledged my presence and then behave indifferently towards me for the entire evening. Yet again, I watched him say goodbye to all of the parishioners as they were leaving after mass, and he never did more than shake their hands or pat them on the shoulder. Yet when I came to him, he repeated the same manourve of taking my hand in his and gazing at me for a prolonged time, but did not kiss me on the cheek because theyāre were other people around.ā What did you find out that was all about?
After all, you yourself asked: āwhy is he treating me differently to everyone else? Why does he keep saying that his time alone with me would be judged if he was discovered, yet he continues to want my company? And why did he greet me in the unprecendented way he did the other night?ā
Well? Those were very reasonable questions. What answer did you get? Does his superior assure you that you read them all wrong? Has the priest himself even answered those questions? If you have the whole picture, please let us know, because weāre all in the dark about that.
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april32010
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