Burnedout member of the Sandwhich Generation

[mariainman]

I am 51 years old and my body is kicking and screaming because it has to go through menopause soon. I fight PMS now for over three weeks a month .Some times I take up to 20 vitamins a day just to feel kinda OK. Enter at this time of my life a demanding needy 85 year old mom and my good natured also slightly needy 89 yr old dad who live next door to me. Enter also my two lively grand children, three and two who I babysit twice a week so that my daughter can give me a break with my mom and dad and clean their house etc.In the backgroud are my other children, one daughter is 25 and getting married outside the Church. One son 21 still lives at home and seems reluctant to grow up.And the youngest daughter is on her way to college(2nd year)which we are paying through the teeth for. and although she is keeping her grades up the voice I hear says “I like to drink to get drunk”.My husband has his own company which employs my son and son-in -law. So he feels responsible for everyone.
I feel a cloud coming over my head and a voice that says run. I yell at my mom for the slightest request.So I shut down and tell everyone I am not available except on my own terms. I visit my mom less. My daughter gets her husband to babysit so that she can care for her gramma. I can’t cry but feel the need too for a week now after my daughter’s wedding and my other daughter’s return to college.
I am trying to take care of me now (and feeling guilty). I go for long walks. I read novels. I go to lunch with anyone that asks. I am returning to weekday Mass. I ask God to strengthen me.I feel I’ve let him down too.I tell Him "Sorry, I’m not a Saint."Gosh, I hate feeling sorry for myself.
So , I ask , if anyone has been going through(has gone through) this and can give me some advice, I would be willing to take it and I could sure use it.Thanks

 

[kaymart]

I hear you. I am 49. Have a mother who is sickly, an father who still thinks I’m 15. 3 children, one married, one in college and a handicap son age 17 who requires full care. I also have 3 grandchildren who I babysit for often (In fact daughter just gave birth to #3 early this morning) I had 6 brothers and sisters (one sister passed away) now have 5. Help from them what a joke! I had my parents move in thinking it would be easier but sometimes I regret it. As far as what your doing to cope carve out sometime for yourself. You are not feeling sorry for yourself you are doing a wonderful thing and need a break. Pray and take care of yourself is truly the only advice I can give you

 

[Rebecca_New]

Please see your doctor for a complete blood work up first. It is amazing how a small chemical imbalance can distort everything.

 

[LSK]

I am 51 years old and my body is kicking and screaming because it has to go through menopause soon. I fight PMS now for over three weeks a month .Some times I take up to 20 vitamins a day just to feel kinda OK.

OH GOLLY does this bring back memories. I am 49, and had to have a complete hysterectomy in order to conquer cancer - and it threw me into menopause. I can remember thinking, “That’s it. I have definitely found another level of Dante’s Inferno - and it includes hot flashes.”

Get that blood work up - it can really help.

Enter at this time of my life a demanding needy 85 year old mom and my good natured also slightly needy 89 yr old dad who live next door to me.

Oh but wait, I can beat this (are you ready?): Add to the cancer fight a very needy 75 year old father and his 92 year old MOTHER-In-Law left over from the marriage to the deceased stepmother who was the women he leff my mother for when I was six! Oh, and did I mention that the 92 year old hated my guts, refered to me (lovingly, I am sure) as ‘Fat ***’ and was a Mormon who refused to let me contact the local ward for help caring for her (I don’t want any of those nosy Mormons in this house!).

Enter also my two lively grand children, three and two who I babysit twice a week so that my daughter can give me a break with my mom and dad and clean their house etc.

Enter in my life my brother’s three children who were (at the time) an infant, five years old and eleven. Neither parent seemed overly interested in things like checking homework or helping with school projects - so Auntie and Grandma (my sainted Mother - all hail her holy name:bowdown2: ) took up that slack.

In the backgroud are my other children, one daughter is 25 and getting married outside the Church. One son 21 still lives at home and seems reluctant to grow up.And the youngest daughter is on her way to college(2nd year)which we are paying through the teeth for. and although she is keeping her grades up the voice I hear says “I like to drink to get drunk”.

You got me there - although I do relate to the “I like to drink to get drunk” part - I now have 13 years of continuous sobriety. Keep praying for this daughter - she may end up the one cleaning your house someday.:clapping:

My husband has his own company which employs my son and son-in -law. So he feels responsible for everyone.

You have a husband - a loving, wonderful husband. Mine is waiting for me in heaven, along with our baby. I’ll ask them to intercede for you so you can get a little rest and downtime.

I feel a cloud coming over my head and a voice that says run. I yell at my mom for the slightest request.So I shut down and tell everyone I am not available except on my own terms. I visit my mom less. My daughter gets her husband to babysit so that she can care for her gramma. I can’t cry but feel the need too for a week now after my daughter’s wedding and my other daughter’s return to college.
I am trying to take care of me now (and feeling guilty). I go for long walks. I read novels. I go to lunch with anyone that asks. I am returning to weekday Mass. I ask God to strengthen me.I feel I’ve let him down too.I tell Him "Sorry, I’m not a Saint."Gosh, I hate feeling sorry for myself.
So , I ask , if anyone has been going through(has gone through) this and can give me some advice, I would be willing to take it and I could sure use it.Thanks

I have this great prayer that helped me:

Lord, I offer myself to thee so that you may build with me and do with me whatever YOU wish. Relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may better do YOUR will. Take from me all these difficulties so that my victory over them may serve as a witness to those I serve of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy way of life. Remove from me every defect of character standing in the way of my usefullness to you. I give every part of me to you, Lord. And I promise to trust ONLY in you.

Then make a Jesus box, spit out all the stuff buggin’ you on a piece of paper…put it in the box and say the prayer.

I have been there been there been there - and the only thing that got me through it (sober) was the strength of a loving Lord and a wonderful MOM…

 

[Fitz]

I was once as burned out as you sound now. My parents were much care in the last years of their lives. They have been gone now, one for 5 years and one for 12 years I think, I finally recovered, reduced my work schedule to part time and I started thinking about myself again. I read, go to bible study, pray, go to mass mid week at times, exercise, and yes I still help my children when I can. I feel more balanced.

One particulary bad 6 month period I did take an anti depressant. I also went to a Christian counselor that year.

Prayer and distance from some of the stresses has helped immensely. I will add you to my prayer list. Life can get very hard at times, but just know that things will improve over time. Put your trust in the Lord.

 

[mariainman]

Thank you for responding to my post. Funny how prayers work. In God’s time . well this time he is answering rather quickly by sending a very qualified care-giver to my parents. She hasn’t even started yet and I am feeling the stress wash off of me.I’ve been going for walks to relieve the other stresses. I am getting better and able to do more for me and those around me,my loved ones .Thanks again.