Can a wife be a conscientious objector to marital relations?

[ladybugg19]

Is it always the wife’s responsibility to comply to her husband’s request for marital relations? Is it ever okay for her to decline due to her knowing/sensing that his motive is is more bodily lust than having the unitive, mutual self-giving mindset? Or, she is really mentally distracted and would not be able to really make love in the right, God-intended way?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

In marriage, the couple grants each other rights to their bodies and therefore ordinarily should not deny a reasonable request for marital relations. Certainly, if marital relations at a particular time would be a hardship due to illness, physical frailty, emotional difficulty, or some other just cause, such a request can be deferred and any pressure for marital relations in the face of such hardship is no longer a “reasonable request.”

But the idea of a “conscientious objector” makes it sound as if the objecting partner is opposed to marital relations on principle, and such is not possible within the Catholic understanding of marriage. Also, the idea that a wife would refuse based on her belief that her husband is more interested in “bodily lust” than in unitive self-giving assumes that she is psychoanalyzing her husband’s requests for marital relations to determine if he deserves to be accommodated. Unless there is just reason for a spouse to believe he or she is being used to satisfy lust (e.g., contraception will be used against his or her will), ordinarily a spouse should not try to psychoanalyze reasonable requests for relations.

If a husband or wife remains concerned about this area of their marriage, I recommend contacting the Pastoral Solutions Institute, a Catholic counseling apostolate for more personalized assistance.