Can Catholics go to Wedding of "Lapsed" Catholics in a Protestant Church?

[timmyo]

My friend and his fiancee are “lapsed” Catholics. By lapsed, I mean they are not practicing Catholics as far as I know, but they have not publicly renounced their faith and converted to another faith or anything like that as far as I know. In fact, I would say they are not very knowledgeable in the faith or are very ignorant, since I witnessed them both receiving communion at a funeral mass recently. They are going to get married at a protestant chuch since one of them is divorced and I don’t think they tried to get an annulment of the first marriage. I don’t know if they attend regular Sunday services at this protestant church. They are also living together before marriage which I know is wrong as well.

This wedding is in a few days. I should have thought more about
my response to the invitation, but I responded yes. Am I putting my soul in jeopardy by going to this wedding that I know is wrong? Should I say anything to my friends? I am worried about them as well. I don’t believe that I am good enough friends anymore with them to have a good impact if I talked to them. I don’t think they would understand. What am I obligated to do in this situation?

 

[mumto5]

I guess the ‘right’ thing to do is not to go since the wedding will not be valid anyway. Are you able to talk to the bride about it? I know when I got married in a Presbytarian church I had no idea that the church even had any rules about where someone should get married. I’d left the church by a formal act anyway, but would hae been surprised if I’d known there was any requirement to get married in a Catholic church - although in your friend’s case there’s a previous marriage to consider. I don’t think there would be sin on your part to go, but might there be a sin of omission if you don’t at least try and inform them of Catholic requirements as relates to marriage? I’m not sure about that one. If it were me, I’d probably go, but it would be an awkward situation.

 

[timmyo]

Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful reply. My friend is the groom. I don’t really know the bride that well unfortunately. I feel like it’s too late to try to stop the wedding. It is tomorrow!! I should have dealt with this months ago, but I didn’t think about it seriously enough since I have been distracted by other things lately.

My plan is to go to the reception, not the wedding. I don’t know if that matters or not morally, but I really have no desire to actually wittness the wedding. My problem is that I feel that I would have to give a course in Catholic Marriage Theology and Moral Theology to get anywhere with my friend, and I just can’t picture actually doing this and there is not enough time before the wedding. I question whether we would still have a friendship. I know we aren’t suppossed to calculate too much about our actions, but I don’t want this to blow up in my face and be totally pointless. He is not very knowledgeable of the faith, but I know he doesn’t reject the faith either.

I have had deep personal talks with him in the past. I know that this is a possibility. I just think that my window of opportunity is not now, but in the future. Do you think an approach would be to tell him about the Catholic position and explain it as much as I can and then give him a book or two that would explain it deeper? Thanks in advance for any responses.

 

[MrS]

The guidance of a good priest on this exact subject was this a while back:

If by going you are in any way condoning their sin, do not go.

If you have taken
[1]the opportunity to counsel your friend in his error, fully explained your (Catholic) position on what they are doing, and made it clear you do not condone their action, and if
[2]by going you are accomplishing some good (keeping peace and open dialogue in the family/friend relationship) which you must continue (reconciliation of the couple with the Church)…

then you can attend.

Your position must be clear, or it becomes the same as their position… sinful. It will be their discomfort as it should be.

 

[MrS]

timmyo:

explain it as much as I can and then give him a book or two that would explain it deeper? Thanks in advance for any responses.

Three to Get Married, by Archbishop Fulton Sheen