Can I be a groomsman for a morman wedding?

[NeuroTypical]

I think you misunderstood. Catholics wear crucifixes and medals and don’t take them off. So wearing a crucifix to a Mormon event does not have goal or purpose to offend, it is just a Catholic being who they are. The Mormon horror at a crucifix is a Mormon being who they are.

Huh. I don’t know how to respond to that last sentence, other than live my life as a mormon who has no horror at crucifixes. Maybe if I ever see a fellow mormon reacting in horror at a crucifix, I can take them aside and tell them what you’re telling me. If I ever meet one, I’ll do it.

 

[iepuras]

Hello, Neurotypical. Twopekinguys is correct in that when you quoted me, you left out part of my post, which is what he was actually referencing. Full quotations below.

I’m not sure if this has been answered but I’ll try.

If it is in a temple, then no. If it is in one of their churches then yes ( I was the best man at my Mormon friends wedding here in Utah. The looks I got for wearing my crucifix was priceless although my friend and his bride loved it that I don’t hide who or what I am) There is nothing wrong with it as long as you do not participate in anything else but the wedding.

Good for you! I’m sure the looks on all the appalled Mormon faces were priceless! I get the same looks from Mormon friends as I make it a point to not only wear my crucifix proudly but also my charm bracelet that is full of Mary medals. My parents have gotten used to it but they don’t like it. I got that priceless look from my father Christmas Eve when my 4 year old son told my parents that they needed to do the sign of the cross to pray properly. Out of the mouths of babes!

I would have paid money to see that one!!!

When I said “Good for you” to kimg901, I was praising the fact that in overwhelmingly LDS Utah, he was not afraid to identify himself as a Catholic by wearing a crucifix at an LDS wedding. I assumed that he simply wore a crucifix because he is Catholic and wears it frequently so that it wasn’t out of place for him to wear it at a wedding.

Twopekinguys was reacting to my comment about my 4 year old son instructing my LDS parents to do the sign of the cross before praying. My dad was NOT happy about it, had his appalled look but then he went on as if it didn’t happen, for which I am grateful. My parents have come a long way in adjusting to me leaving the LDS church and becoming Catholic. My husband and I had a really good laugh about the whole thing after my parents left.

 

[benjohnson]

I must admit, it never occurred to me to just show up for the purpose of making a scene, provoking a reaction, or mocking the beliefs of the bride and groom.

I should have prefaced my story - my friend’s LDS Bishop at the time was at the next table over and enjoyed our good natured merry-making. He was the same bishop (if I remember correctly) that was at my friends LDS baptism where I gave a testimony that was warmly received.

I’ve been to my friends ward many times - and while I have grave reservations about the LDS as a religion, we’re good friends no matter what.

That said, as a christian, I would still urge any potential groomsman to go over any LDS wedding beforehand to make sure that the language used isn’t offensive to their own Christian faith.

 

[NeuroTypical]

My opinion on the subject is this. This person should not participate in the capacity of best man at this wedding.

One of the parties is a baptized Catholic, and unless a formal resignation from the Catholic Church was written, or, they received a dispensation to be married outside of the Church, they are still required to be married in the Church. Doing neither of these constitutes a non-sacramental marriage.

Participating in a non valid marriage can, and does give the impression of supporting a non sacramental marriage, and thus, causes scandal.

Thank you for clarifying.

I can understand your issue in participating in some capacity. Do you have an issue in just attending?

 

[NeuroTypical]

iepuras, thanks for clarifying.

 

[NeuroTypical]

I should have prefaced my story - my friend’s LDS Bishop at the time was at the next table over and enjoyed our good natured merry-making. He was the same bishop (if I remember correctly) that was at my friends LDS baptism where I gave a testimony that was warmly received.

I’ve been to my friends ward many times - and while I have grave reservations about the LDS as a religion, we’re good friends no matter what.

It sounds like the humor was shared. That’s a good thing, when you can pull it off (like I did with my Rev. Lovejoy impression).

That said, as a christian, I would still urge any potential groomsman to go over any LDS wedding beforehand to make sure that the language used isn’t offensive to their own Christian faith.

I’d agree with that. A groomsman is more than just an attendee - they stand in support of what’s happening.

 

[iepuras]

Huh. I don’t know how to respond to that last sentence, other than live my life as a mormon who has no horror at crucifixes. Maybe if I ever see a fellow mormon reacting in horror at a crucifix, I can take them aside and tell them what you’re telling me. If I ever meet one, I’ll do it.

You are not a typical Mormon in this regard, which is a good thing. Another funny small child story. My mother came by to pick up my 3 year old to take him to the library. The entire week prior, he had been talking about Jesus hurting on the cross (actually, he still talks about it all the time). Well, he had to show my mother one of the crucifixes on the wall and talk about it. I don’t think she knew what to do or say so she quickly scooped him up and left. My husband and I joke that crucifixes are effective in keeping vampires and Mormons away. This is funny on many levels as my husband is Romanian and the Mormons in our lives keep reacting in shock at the sight of a crucifix. I was never raised to be anti-Catholic, so I don’t understand the reaction some Mormons have when they see a crucifix. Maybe in my case, it’s more of the shock that I left the LDS church and am becoming Catholic that the crucifix is prompting.

My parents have come a long way. I wasn’t too upset about the looks on my parents’ faces at our childrens’ baptisms. They didn’t look that way the entire time and they didn’t say anything negative. By the end, I think they were touched. The fact that they were there was huge. The relationship had deteriorated to the point where we weren’t even talking to them anymore. We invited them, and they came even though we told them we didn’t have any expectations and we wouldn’t have been offended if they didn’t come because this whole thing has been difficult for them. Even though they were rude at the beginning, they improved and their presence was a huge step in the right direction. The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays have also been very healing for all of us. My parents’ behavior has improved a lot over the last 6 months. After talking to others in a similar situation to us, my parents’ behavior is actually pretty good.

 

[Eric_Hilbert]

Remain on the topic of the OP or

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[Son_of_Niall]

Why is it every time I read the thread title I think of an old Glen Campbell song?

 

[kimg901]

So N.T,. Why did the bishop walk down the line and shake everyone’s hand then got to me, looked at my crucifix, and walked to the groom without a handshake to me and then shaked his? I wear my crucifix and it almost never comes off. Even the bride and groom noticed it and were pretty upset he acted that way.

 

[twopekinguys]

Thank you for clarifying.

I can understand your issue in participating in some capacity. Do you have an issue in just attending?

Attending would be questionable at best since it is considered an invalid marriage.

Personally, I would politely decline without offering a reason. Too many people dig themselves into a hole offering reasons when none is requested.

IF one is requested, I would have to provide a truthful explanation.

 

[RebeccaJ]

Huh. I don’t know how to respond to that last sentence, other than live my life as a mormon who has no horror at crucifixes. Maybe if I ever see a fellow mormon reacting in horror at a crucifix, I can take them aside and tell them what you’re telling me. If I ever meet one, I’ll do it.

Your initial reaction was the Catholic wearing a crucifix did so to offend Mormons. Not to say a crucifix is not offensive to Mormons.

 

[twopekinguys]

Attending would be questionable at best since it is considered an invalid marriage.

Personally, I would politely decline without offering a reason. Too many people dig themselves into a hole offering reasons when none is requested.

IF one is requested, I would have to provide a truthful explanation.

Neuro,

I found this in the “ask the apologist” forum, and it might help you in understanding more.

What are the rules for attending weddings?

I should also clarify why I answered the way I did above.

I have been the RCIA director for our parish for almost 18 years now. Even though I am a lay person, my attendance in situations like these could send the wrong message.

People I know, who would ask me to attend or participate in marriages that are invalid understand the predicament I would be in.

 

[Marie5890]

The bride was a child when her family converted. What does she know about Catholicism? Probably little or nothing. Are some of us being just a bit legalistic here?

Your observation reminds me of a comment on today’s saint

St. Raymond of Peñafort

“Raymond was a lawyer, a canonist. Legalism can suck the life out of genuine religion if it becomes too great a preoccupation with the letter of the law to the neglect of the spirit and purpose of the law. The law can become an end in itself, so that the value the law was intended to promote is overlooked. But we must guard against going to the opposite extreme and seeing law as useless or something to be lightly regarded. Laws ideally state those things that are for the best interests of everyone and make sure the rights of all are safeguarded. From Raymond, we can learn a respect for law as a means of serving the common good.”

The bride had left Catholicism as a child and became Mormon. For all practical purposes and all extreme legalism aside, she is Mormon.

And the OP was not asked to be a witness to the sealing. Just to be part of the wedding party.

 

[Strevel]

Hi,

I friend of mine is having a Mormon wedding and has asked me to be one of the groomsmen. I’m not entirely sure what this entails as I’m under the impression I can’t enter their temple anyway and they are already civilly married. The bride converted from Catholicism when she was a kid along with most of her family. As a catholic, can I be a groomsmen for whatever kind of ceremony they are planning? I feel I shouldn’t.

Thanks for the help.

The person getting married may not fully understand, or has not been fully communicated to. You, as expressed, will not be attending a temple wedding ever., It is a very closed group of only the best Mor mons that get to go to te Temple weddings. This is one held in a chapel / church. It is, not to be rude but honest, ;looked down upon within Mormon circles. One of these weddings anyone may attend. The goal of the Mormons is to have the person convert within several years of indoctrinization, join the Mormons and then, at that time, get married inside the temple. A probationary time is needed.

Personally, I’d pass on it. If you do it, no joke here, don’t give anyone with a name tag your name and telephone number. Frankly, don’t goive it to anyone there as it will be gleefully passed onto the Missionaries. You’ll get calls from their missionaries. I was one.

Don