Can I get an annulment after 17 years?

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lnepinsky

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When we got married I had been divorced for nearly 10 years and had my annulment. He was recently divorced but had not been married in a church. I was very blundt on what I wanted in a relationship (traditional). He also knew that I had been lied and cheated and abused in the past. My main issue was infidelity!!! NEVER!! was it o.k. Shortly after marriage I felt “icky” when we had relations. It made me feel cheap, dirty, and I said I felt like a $20.00/hr whore. Besides having a horrible experience with his ex and the children and pregnancy and then a complete mental break down we moved states several times for him to change jobs. After I was getting a bunch of meds in me so I could function I discovered that he was solisiting sex on the computer, phone, and posting to meet… MEN!!! That is when I was informed that he had been doing this type of behavior for many years before me. If I had been aware of this before our marriage it would have been a deal breaker. It has been over a decade since I discovered this horrible discusting monster, he has promised it has totally ended. I am not sure if I believe him…has lied on other things…I am exhausted being his mom and not being able to count on him as a man who cares for his family. That is causing me alot of problem in getting over his lying to me and presenting himself to me and to the church as something he wasn’t. I have nothing left for him but maybe friendship but he has drained me of faith in him. My main question is Could I get another annulment based on this? I am 50 never thought that this would be my life…can’t get myself to want to be with him. We live apart now because he lost his job again…I stayed in the lastest town he moved us to to continue my 2 full time job with benefits in order to keep things a float. Also I need and want a future that pays for food…don’t have that with him.
 
lnepinsky said:
When we got married I had been divorced for nearly 10 years and had my annulment. He was recently divorced but had not been married in a church. I was very blundt on what I wanted in a relationship (traditional). He also knew that I had been lied and cheated and abused in the past. My main issue was infidelity!!! NEVER!! was it o.k. Shortly after marriage I felt “icky” when we had relations. It made me feel cheap, dirty, and I said I felt like a $20.00/hr whore. Besides having a horrible experience with his ex and the children and pregnancy and then a complete mental break down we moved states several times for him to change jobs. After I was getting a bunch of meds in me so I could function I discovered that he was solisiting sex on the computer, phone, and posting to meet… MEN!!!** That is when I was informed that he had been doing this type of behavior for many years before me. If I had been aware of this before our marriage it would have been a deal breaker. **It has been over a decade since I discovered this horrible discusting monster, he has promised it has totally ended. I am not sure if I believe him…has lied on other things…I am exhausted being his mom and not being able to count on him as a man who cares for his family. That is causing me alot of problem in getting over his lying to me and presenting himself to me and to the church as something he wasn’t. I have nothing left for him but maybe friendship but he has drained me of faith in him. My main question is Could I get another annulment based on this? I am 50 never thought that this would be my life…can’t get myself to want to be with him. We live apart now because he lost his job again…I stayed in the lastest town he moved us to to continue my 2 full time job with benefits in order to keep things a float. Also I need and want a future that pays for food…don’t have that with him.
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I am sorry you are going through this. Please talk to a priest. He will give you the correct answer to your question. But I do believe that what I bolded-- the fact that he led you to believe something that never truly was–(that he was heterosexual)-- may be grounds for an annulment.

You may also want to do a search on this site, for there are many annulment threads that you may find useful to read.

May God bless you and guide you.
 
lnepinsky said:
When we got married I had been divorced for nearly 10 years and had my annulment. He was recently divorced but had not been married in a church. I was very blundt on what I wanted in a relationship (traditional). He also knew that I had been lied and cheated and abused in the past. My main issue was infidelity!!! NEVER!! was it o.k. Shortly after marriage I felt “icky” when we had relations. It made me feel cheap, dirty, and I said I felt like a $20.00/hr whore. Besides having a horrible experience with his ex and the children and pregnancy and then a complete mental break down we moved states several times for him to change jobs. After I was getting a bunch of meds in me so I could function I discovered that he was solisiting sex on the computer, phone, and posting to meet… MEN!!! That is when I was informed that he had been doing this type of behavior for many years before me. If I had been aware of this before our marriage it would have been a deal breaker. It has been over a decade since I discovered this horrible discusting monster, he has promised it has totally ended. I am not sure if I believe him…has lied on other things…I am exhausted being his mom and not being able to count on him as a man who cares for his family. That is causing me alot of problem in getting over his lying to me and presenting himself to me and to the church as something he wasn’t. I have nothing left for him but maybe friendship but he has drained me of faith in him. My main question is Could I get another annulment based on this? I am 50 never thought that this would be my life…can’t get myself to want to be with him. We live apart now because he lost his job again…I stayed in the lastest town he moved us to to continue my 2 full time job with benefits in order to keep things a float. Also I need and want a future that pays for food…don’t have that with him.
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Your first step is to speak the parish priest, who would then refer you to the Diocese. You certainly can speak with a priest about the process because you want official answers and a priest has to be contacted first.
 
If you have money, willing to do red tape paperwork, maybe a retreat…then you will be in good shake to good what you request.
 
I am going to be quite frank.
YES you can get another annulment.

Based on what you have written, you have a good case. Of course it needs to be investigated
So do get to your priest asap.

Prayers for you…though the timings and particulars are different many of us have been where you are. Drained.

Peace
James
 
You should (and probably are) already aware that before a petition of annulment can be presented, your divorce has to be finalized. In the United States tribunals will not look at an annulment petition otherwise. The tribunals do not want to be named as co-respondents in a civil divorce case for alienation of affection, and you can’t get a realistic assessment of your chances of a successful annulment petition before you actually go through the tribunal investigation. You mentioned that you’re living separately right now, but as you know, that’s not the same thing as being divorced.

Since you mentioned some economic issues going on, you might want to discern whether finalizing a divorce will make those better or worse for you before proceeding with the whole process, including pursuing a declaration of nullity. The major reason that people seek annulments is to be able to marry in the Church, and divorced Catholics who have not remarried without a declaration of nullity are still Catholics in good standing. As a divorced (but not remarried) Catholic you can still be a sponsor in the sacraments, you can still receive the Eucharist and reconciliation, and you can do everything without that declaration of nullity except get married to someone else.

My husband and I have recently reconciled after a five year period of separation, and all during that period of separation, I really couldn’t see myself getting married again under any foreseeable circumstances. I’m in my fifties as well, and we had married later in life (my early forties.) I figured I had managed without him for forty some years, and could easily and peacefully manage on my own for another forty if that turned out to be the case. In fact, I often thought that if we did divorce, I’d try to find a convent that would accept me at my age and let me bring the dog–LOL!
 
TraditonRules said:
If you have money, willing to do red tape paperwork, maybe a retreat…then you will be in good shake to good what you request.
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OP, please ignore what this poster says. The annulment process is not about how much money you have and the “red tape” consists of forms to be filled out. You already know that, having gone through the process before.

I am also going to state that if your husband has been a practicing homosexual before or during your marriage, you should have no problem with an annulment.

I am sorry for your situation. It’s horrific to find out such things. Please go and see a priest ASAP and tell him the whole situation, and go from there. As the previous poster stated, you will need to get a divorce before an annulment process can begin.
 
lnepinsky said:
He was recently divorced but had not been married in a church.
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Did he have an annulment? If he did not, he was not free to marry.

As far as the annulment goes, time is not relevant in applying for an annulment. With that said, the passage of time can make the investigative process more difficult.
 
If he had been non-Catholic and married to another non-Catholic, he would have needed a declaration of nullity in order to marry you validly in the Church. We don’t know all the specifics, but if that is the case, your second marriage might be invalid, and all you need to do is submit some paperwork once your divorce is final. You can check out your diocese’s website for the tribunal’s FAQ page, and maybe spare yourself some anxiety about everything.
 
You need to make an appoint with a wise and holy priest, ASAP. He will be in the best position to evaluate your situation and help with paperwork.
 
From what it sounds like it sounds like you have a good case. As far as your original question - does the 17 years make a difference - no. There is no “statute of limitations.” Sometimes it is harder to find witnesses on the practical side but it does not mean the Church says you only have five years. That would be like saying you only have two weeks to confess the sin of…and reconcile with the Church. It wouldn’t make sense especially in cases where folks have remarried civilly and need to know their status. But that is another issue.

We have a group that is here to help you. Please feel free to use the link in my signature block.

Also I know of no retreat that is required. However, I do know of an organization that puts on some uplifting conferences and retreats should you wish to attend one for your own benefit. God bless.
 
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