Can I go to confession yet

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cathgirl

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I need to confess some sins but I am unsure about personal penance. My mother around a year and a half ago started seeing someone for the first time in around a decade and it was very hard for me to handle. He was over for the night very often and this made me very upset with my mother as I felt very uncomfortable having a man over that I barely knew, all after only around a month of them seeing each other. They claim they did not sleep together before they got married four months ago which I think I believe but it was still not right for them to sleep in the same bed and often my mother would wear nighties that were not appropriate, which I believe was sinful. I was 16, almost 17 when this started and I am 18 now and don’t live with my mother anymore.

This was very traumatizing for me and I would often lash out at my mother and scream at her to stop having him over for the night, and would cry almsot everyday and everytim I taked to her about it. In the beginning, one day I stayed out till around 11 saying I wouldn’t come back until he was gone, checked multiple times throughout the day to see if his car was gone until eventually knowing he wasn’t leaving and I just had to come back home, and I said I wouldn’t eat until he would leave and I think not stay over for the night again where evenntually I did eat when my mother talked to me/

Throughout this I have not apologised for my behaviour, and this sense of disrespect I have felt by him for staying over even when he knew how uncomfortable, anxious, sad and lonely this made me feel has meant I have a very fractured relationship with him where it is hard for me to speak to him and often I will not even look at him while speaking. He has explained that because he comforts my mother who has sever anxiety, I should feel good about that because my mother feels better, but I didn’t, I felt very alone and like I barely had my mother anymore and like she as giving most of her time to someone she had just met. I felt and still feel it was completely unacceptable to have him over knowing the mental distress this bought to me, but no matter how much I told my mother, which was everyday, he still was over so often for the night, when I said he can come during the day which will make me feel uncomfortable but I’ll live with it, but having him over for the night is way too far. Often she would stay the night at his house for days and I would be alone in the house which I preferred to having him over, but I still was upset. I have not apologised for this and to be honest it may be hard for me to feel contrite for some of this, but I feel I need to go to confession but will it be invalid if I have not apologised?
 
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I am sorry that you were put in this situation, especially after you told your mom how you felt. Two things.

First, you appear to be taking all of this out on your mom’s husband. It was not all his doing. Like the women that blame “the other woman” for their husband cheating, you are blaming him, but your mom was and is your mom. It is she that you should have the issue with, not him.

Secondly, in all honesty, you did behave like a brat, but I think you know that. Your behavior was an attempt to control the situation. Yes, some will say you were a child, but you were old enough to know what you were doing.

Yes, by all means, go to confession. It is not necessary for you to have already apologized in or to go to confession.

However, “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive others.” You will go to confession and be forgiven. How wonderful it would be if you apologize once you are forgiven.

I hear the pain in your post. If you have not already done so, please seek counseling. You have a lot of things still keeping you from having a healthy relationship with your mom and step dad. You are young and have a lot of life before you. Don’t let this color the rest of your life. It won’t change what happened, but it will change how you move forward.
 
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